I feel like a stranger in a strange land... (Milwaukee: home, high school)

[BacktoNE]

gortamor, you are not alone in your experience. We moved here from Maine just over 2 years ago. As you can see by my screen name, we are ready to head back to New England asap. Should be next year at the very latest.

From my observations, you may be happier in Madison. It feels a bit more like Boston, although nothing can really compare to, IMO, one of the best cities in the U.S. I love Boston.

Good luck to you.

[MediaDoggie]

I found mostly in Wi three things people will be happy to talk about in this order. Packers, Hunting, Fishing. From there it's Kids, Grandkids, Myself.

[Megan1967]

Originally Posted by gortamor

Hello,
I've recently moved here from Boston, MA and feel like a stranger in a strange land. By nature, I am outgoing and intense (not obnoxious), but these traits seem not to be welcome here.

I go to a pub, try to start conversations, and barely get a response or am looked at as if I were mad. Where I work, all anyone seems interested in is family, try to talk about politics, and they will quickly change the subject back. Where I'm from, politics and current events are normal topics of discussion - we thrive on them. Is it me, have I just not met the right people yet - or is the Midwest really like another country?

A couple of observations on my part.

You sound homesick. I've been there and in my case, irregardless of what reality might have been, I was prone to seeing the worst in my new environment because I was out of my comfort zone. You can not move to a new place and expect it to be the old place.

You can't move anywhere and expect to have instant connections with people, these things take time. If you were in Boston, how would you react to a complete stranger approaching you as if they were a long lost friend. Kinda of creepy in my opinion. You need to put yourself out there, but in a structured fashion. I don't know where you are located, but check out Meetup.com or even Yahoo Groups. I found a book club on Meetup that has turned out to be a lot of fun. We are now forming a bowling team, too. Our group founder loves to talk politics - you two should meet! I also volunteer at a food pantry and have worked with various animal rescue groups in the area. These are just examples of activities I've become involved with to meet new people. Obviously your interests might be different.

Here in Madison it seems all people talk about are politics and current events and, oh, yeah, sports. I hate sports. Boring in my opinion. If I hear one more thing about BF I swear I'm going to start pulling my hair out. He is just a football player, people!

[katreese]

Originally Posted by gortamor

...try to start conversations, and barely get a response or am looked at as if I were mad...Is it me, have I just not met the right people yet - or is the Midwest really
like another country?

Yes. I moved to the Midwest many, many years ago and have never felt quite right here. Despite years and years of effort, nearly all of my experiences in meeting people were as you described. If you don't get the blank, direct stare in response to a direct, unambigous, innocuous question (I think this is a WI thing - I've run into other people from the east coast who've mentioned it too), most people are nice enough, but the conversations that veer outside of sports/family/beer/hunting are limited. It's also very difficult to explain this to people who haven't had the same experience, and since I very rarely meet anyone who's from anywhere else, it's even more isolating.

I know this sounds super negative, but I've lived here for a very long time and have made every effort under the sun to get things to change, and they just never did. I'm sure there are many people who move here from other places that happy here.

I'm moving back east in 2 weeks and hoping to make a fresh start.

[Milwaukee Ronnie]

I talk about politics, history, culture, books, etc. all the time. I don't follow football. And I'm perfectly happy living in Milwaukee. Part of it is that I'm from here -- I know a lot of people. Part of it is that I'm plugged in with like minded people through various community activities. I volunteer a lot and get out there and participate in community events.

There may be a cultural difference in that us Midwesterners don't come right out with our honest opnions until we really get to know someone. I myself may unconciously avoid bringing up the subject of politics in polite company with people I don't know well -- mainly because it can become contentious in a hurry and I figure why even bother.

My advice would be to join a movement, a club, an organization that has a social aspect and a political/community aspect. There are many such outlets in the city. They may or may not be prevalent in the suburbs; I don't know, I don't spend much time in the suburbs.

[sunflower53072]

gortamor,
I can relate to what you are saying. I've been here 3 1/2 years and still feel a bit like an outsider at times. My advice is to try and meet some other transplants. I've had some luck meeting people who have moved here from elsewhere through playing tennis. It takes alot longer to become real friends with the locals and even then they are often busy with long time friends and family. My husband and I find people from the east coast get our sense of humor better and we have an easier time clicking with them right away. We fit in much better when we lived in Columbus, Ohio where there were tons of transplants and the locals were used to meeting lots of people from different places.

[katreese]

Originally Posted by Milwaukee Ronnie

There may be a cultural difference in that us Midwesterners don't come right out with our honest opnions until we really get to know someone. I myself may unconciously avoid bringing up the subject of politics in polite company with people I don't know well -- mainly because it can become contentious in a hurry and I figure why even bother.

Originally Posted by sunflower53072

My husband and I find people from the east coast get our sense of humor better and we have an easier time clicking with them right away. We fit in much better when we lived in Columbus, Ohio where there were tons of transplants and the locals were used to meeting lots of people from different places.

I wonder if it just comes down to a few issues:

1) differences in bluntness
2) different senses of humor
3) very small number of transplants
4) ??

I have never quite been able to put my finger on it but these reasons make sense to me.

[sunflower53072]

Katresse,

I think you hit the nail on the head and summarized it very well. Those issues make alot of sense to me.

[dookieboy]

Originally Posted by radraja

There have been a million conversations on this lately - if you're not a WI native, you may have a hard time fitting in here. That's just the way it is a lot of the time.

You are right about the topic coming up over and over. But why? If a person does not have generational ties to a state or region, they are not to be welcomed, "that's just the way it is"? How backwoods does that sound? I'm not trying to be disrespectful at all, it just bothers me (as someone that will be moving to Wisconsin soon, with no ties) that some people won't give a guy like me a chance to fit in (I do know that there are plenty that will as well) without knowing me, or someone like me first. I just can't see writing someone off as a friend because they are not from the same home town as me. Personality and character of a person count so much more than a persons birthplace. But if you don't give them chance, you might not ever find out.

[Megan1967]

I really think it depends on a million factors including where you are in Wisconsin. I experienced the exact same phenomena in Eau Claire that you all are describing, but found the Milwaukee suburbs and the city itself to be friendly. I live in Madison and, while I would be put off by a stranger butting into my conversation with friends, I often chat with friendly strangers when I'm out and about - shopping in stores, at the grocery store, walking the dog.