I feel like a stranger in a strange land... (Milwaukee: school, college)

[karfar]

Originally Posted by dookieboy

You are right about the topic coming up over and over. But why? If a person does not have generational ties to a state or region, they are not to be welcomed, "that's just the way it is"? How backwoods does that sound? I'm not trying to be disrespectful at all, it just bothers me (as someone that will be moving to Wisconsin soon, with no ties) that some people won't give a guy like me a chance to fit in (I do know that there are plenty that will as well) without knowing me, or someone like me first. I just can't see writing someone off as a friend because they are not from the same home town as me. Personality and character of a person count so much more than a persons birthplace. But if you don't give them chance, you might not ever find out.

Don't worry about not being from around here, whoever said that doesn't have a clue. I've never been like that towards people who've moved here & I've never seen or heard anyone else act that way. If someone's acting that way, they're ignorant, plain & simple & why bother knowing them?

[sunflower53072]

My experience is people are very surface friendly here. Neighbors will help you out and are very polite, but will have a party and never think to invite you. A woman in my book group was complaining about a new neighbor who kept inviting her over and summed it up by saying,"I already have enough friends. I just don't have the time to add more".

[Megan1967]

Just because you live close to each other doesn't mean you have anything in common. I'm on friendly terms with my neighbors, but have very little in common with the born again Christians across from me, or the business woman who is home about 2 hours of every day, or the retired couple across the street or even the woman who is a work out fanatic. I'd never invite any of these people over for coffee. If we, in the course of "polite" chatting, found we had something in common, sure I'd call them up and ask them if they wanted to do something related to that common interest, but so far nothing has come up. Oh wait I did invite the retired couple in to see my new carpet and paint when the asked about it.....

[dookieboy]

Originally Posted by karfar

Don't worry about not being from around here, whoever said that doesn't have a clue. I've never been like that towards people who've moved here & I've never seen or heard anyone else act that way. If someone's acting that way, they're ignorant, plain & simple & why bother knowing them?

Thanks karfar. I have read many of your posts and you seem like a really good person. You would be welcome at my place any time. (Party north of Rhinelander!)
I do realize that there are probably more people like you than not, but the (I can't be your friend because we didn't go to high school together) crowd does seem to be out there, and their attitude is perfectly acceptable to them. Don't get that. Oh well. You are right, I probably would'nt want to hang with anyone like that anyway, so it's not much of a loss.

[#Littledog]

Originally Posted by gortamor

Hello,
I've recently moved here from Boston, MA and feel like a stranger in a strange land. By nature, I am outgoing and intense (not obnoxious), but these traits seem not to be welcome here.

I go to a pub, try to start conversations, and barely get a response or am looked at as if I were mad. Where I work, all anyone seems interested in is family, try to talk about politics, and they will quickly change the subject back. Where I'm from, politics and current events are normal topics of discussion - we thrive on them. Is it me, have I just not met the right people yet - or is the Midwest really like another country?

I didn't get a chance to read all the other posts but I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone. Wisconsinites communicate differently than people from the east coast. I can think of 3 people I know from the east coast that had the same issues when they moved here. From what I've observed, it seems like Milwaukee people have a hard time with people who come across too opinionated or blunt, especially if the views are different from their's. Honestly, it took me a while to get used to my father-in-law who is from Long Island. I seriously thought he was mad all the time but he's actually a jovial person and loves a good debate. East coast accents tend to sound a little harsher and more confidant (notice how people in Wisconsin end many statements with a question: hey?) which can rub some Wisconsinites the wrong way. I'm not saying they're right, it's just an observation I made.

I'm not originally from here but I've lived here a long time so I think I can be somewhat objective. I would recommend to just be yourself! You aren't doing anything wrong and these Wisconsinites just need to learn to accept people that communicate differently. I think it's good to shake things up a bit!! A lot of Wisconsinites have never lived elsewhere and they need exposure to new opinions and different types of people! Best of luck to you. You will in time find people that appreciate your east coast style!

[karfar]

Originally Posted by dookieboy

Thanks karfar. I have read many of your posts and you seem like a really good person. You would be welcome at my place any time. (Party north of Rhinelander!)
I do realize that there are probably more people like you than not, but the (I can't be your friend because we didn't go to high school together) crowd does seem to be out there, and their attitude is perfectly acceptable to them. Don't get that. Oh well. You are right, I probably would'nt want to hang with anyone like that anyway, so it's not much of a loss.

Oh I'm always up for a good tiime in Rhinelander!

[gortamor]

Thanks to all of you who took the time to answer.

[Alt Dach]

Originally Posted by megan1967

just because you live close to each other doesn't mean you have anything in common. I'm on friendly terms with my neighbors, but have very little in common with the born again christians across from me, or the business woman who is home about 2 hours of every day, or the retired couple across the street or even the woman who is a work out fanatic. I'd never invite any of these people over for coffee. If we, in the course of "polite" chatting, found we had something in common, sure i'd call them up and ask them if they wanted to do something related to that common interest, but so far nothing has come up. Oh wait i did invite the retired couple in to see my new carpet and paint when the asked about it.....

case closed !!!

[Megan1967]

My post was in response to the person that said that Wisconsinites are superficially friendly because a person will have a party and not think to invite their neighbors.

I'd like to add that I *like* my neighbors, even though I painted them in a not so pleasant way. I was just trying to point out that these people and I have pretty much only geography in common.

I feel bad about calling the one neighbor an exercise fanatic because it is probably my own slovenly ways that prompted the comment. She has been nothing but wonderful as a neighbor and I like her and her fiance, but she has fitness as a major focus of her day and me, well, not really. I *should* but that's another story.... If I had the same interest I might ask her if she'd be my workout buddy. Things would probably evolve from there.

Evolve is the key word here, however. Friendships can't be forced. Just because you work in the same place, live on the same street or whatever doesn't mean you are going to click with a person. And in the end, I don't think most people have more than a couple really good friends. Most people have many aquaintances, but finding someone with whom you really connect is rare - which is why it is special.

[#Littledog]

Originally Posted by Megan1967

My post was in response to the person that said that Wisconsinites are superficially friendly because a person will have a party and not think to invite their neighbors.

I'd like to add that I *like* my neighbors, even though I painted them in a not so pleasant way. I was just trying to point out that these people and I have pretty much only geography in common.

I feel bad about calling the one neighbor an exercise fanatic because it is probably my own slovenly ways that prompted the comment. She has been nothing but wonderful as a neighbor and I like her and her fiance, but she has fitness as a major focus of her day and me, well, not really. I *should* but that's another story.... If I had the same interest I might ask her if she'd be my workout buddy. Things would probably evolve from there.

Evolve is the key word here, however. Friendships can't be forced. Just because you work in the same place, live on the same street or whatever doesn't mean you are going to click with a person. And in the end, I don't think most people have more than a couple really good friends. Most people have many aquaintances, but finding someone with whom you really connect is rare - which is why it is special.

What a true statement! Good friends are really something to be cherished. I have many acquaintances/friends but only a few I can totally connect with and confide in.