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Jake sounds like a little punk. You gave him the ball out of respect, and he showed that he couldn't handle it (which is why he was NOT put in the supervisory role), and you did what had to be done. End of story. Let Jake come and talk to you like a man to air this out otherwise keep it moving. Men do keep a grudge, but like everything else not EVERYTHING is worthy of addressing.
I've lost several 3-6 year friendships with coworkers (3 males, 1 female who was very manly, and who were either subordinates, equals, or superiors). In all cases, it only took one or two incidents to completely kill the friendship. In some cases I was the one giving others the cold shoulder, and in other cases it was mutual. Guys can hold grudges as much as women do - especially when it comes to their egos and manhood.
I realized that even before the incident, I had grown to dislike these people more and more over the years, even though on the surface we seemed to be friends. Prior to the fallout, I already had no shred of respect for them based on work-related as well as interpersonal interactions.
I'd try to talk to this guy once and see if it can be resolved, but if he doesn't seem open to it then there is probably more negativity brewing under the surface than just that one incident. It is what it is.
As far as my female coworkers - we would get miffed at each other over stupid work stuff, but usually they were much more rational and communicative. I have retained most of my female friendships, and there are no signs of grudge-holding. I think it's because women are able to express their dissatisfaction that they are able to work things out. They also have the "reputation" for nagging and grudge-holding because they are actually able to EXPRESS them... whereas guys just hold in their grudges and let them fester.
I have no man grudge over your blah blah over your man grudge over Jake's man grudge, noble Chacho, but let's get some facts straight for you
1. You failed the leadership test. Your supervisors would be thankful you're not a full time supervisor
2. Your inability to digest the other dude's vagaries immediately disqualifies you from future such roles.
3. Leadership needs serious fostering of amicability, which you frankly do not possess.
4. Go see a therapist if your man grudge bothers you that bad.
5. Last but not least, grudge isn't gender oriented. Men like you do begrudge too
Look, the question here is why would a man hold a grudge like some women tend to do. This is not about placing blame on this or that person. Frankly, I could give a darn about how Jake "feels." My whole point in bringing this up is to see if anyone else has gone thru the experience of seeing a man hold a grudge for something insignificant. As far as I'm concerned, Jake can go pull up his slip and fix his skirt somewhere else.
You never aswered my original question. You stated his age, what is yours?
"Frankly, I could give a darn about how Jake "feels"
This is quite obvious. Probably how you came accross to him also.
If you get so upset with my question, how did you treat him? You were put in charge of a specific project, not named Emperor.
I think there's a good chance that Jakes change in attitude is completely coincidental and has nothing to do with the event described at all. After all, our jobs aren't the only things happening in our lives at any given moment.
And it would be pretty funny if you are getting all worked up like this over something that doesn't even have anything to do with you.
Would most people agree that holding a grudge against someone serves no purpose at all? I see women do this often for one reason or another. Although I don't agree with it, I recognize and accept that some women wil harbor grudges for past offenses (real or merely perceived) committed against them.
Accepting that some women will harbor grudges is one thing. However, I'm really having a difficult time accepting how one of my 55+ year old male co-workers (named Jake) is holding a grudge for something relatively insignificant.
Several months ago I accepted a task which resulted in several hours overtime beyond my normal workday. This meant that I'd have to work with Jake (and others) whom I consider a friendly and likable person. My acceptance of overtime placed me in a supervisorial position over Jake. An hour after assuming the lead role, Jake advised me of an impending problem requiring for a decision be made based on standard operating procedures. The remedial actions were rather obvious. We either did A or B. But given that this was my first time working with Jake (a seasoned employee), I decided to take his opinion into account, moreso as a sign of respect. Jake said he'd get back to me after conducting further analysis.
Given that his analysis went on for more than one hour, I approached Jake to ask what he'd decided to do. He'd yet to decide. I advised him that our choices were either A or B. He wanted to analyze things some more. Given that things were approaching a critical juncture, in a firm tone, I instructed Jake to carryout remedial action "A." I also instructed him to document my instructions in the event it became necessary to pinpoint who'd made the final decision. I asked if he understood. He did.
Ever since that day, I've gotten the cold shoulder treatment from Jake. No matter my cordialities, Jake has behaved like a scorned child who's been sent to his room. He's a nice guy and I dislike seeing him behave this way. But, he's become so unaproachable that I've decided to let him be. If he's that sensitive then there's nothing I can ever do to make him feel better.
I can't understand how a guy can hold a grudge for something as insignificant as that. How sensitive are you? Dude, get over it!
Don't beat yourself up over this and let it ride. If he talks to you again, fine and if not, fine also. You have to work with him, but you don't have to be friends. Some people are tempremental, childish, or may even be paranoid. I had a co-worker go to my direct supervisor and ask to have me reprimanded (days on the street) for laughing at him for getting called out in the middle of the night on a service call. Nothing he hadn't done to me numerous times, but he got offended. Our supv refused to do anything to me and told him he was childish and to get over it. He then went to the district manager and complained I didn't get reprimanded. The DM told him to get out of the office and get over it. He THEN went to HR and complained. They told him to drop it and get back to work that he was being ridiculous. Now, he complains to everyone that they won't punish me (and they think he's an idiot) and he won't speak to me which is fine. He'll get over kit and so will Jake. If not, no big deal.
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