U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-14-2010, 05:35 PM
 
1,588 posts, read 1,565,815 times
Reputation: 2049
Default Co-worker Grudge?

Would most people agree that holding a grudge against someone serves no purpose at all? I see women do this often for one reason or another. Although I don't agree with it, I recognize and accept that some women wil harbor grudges for past offenses (real or merely perceived) committed against them.

Accepting that some women will harbor grudges is one thing. However, I'm really having a difficult time accepting how one of my 55+ year old male co-workers (named Jake) is holding a grudge for something relatively insignificant.

Several months ago I accepted a task which resulted in several hours overtime beyond my normal workday. This meant that I'd have to work with Jake (and others) whom I consider a friendly and likable person. My acceptance of overtime placed me in a supervisorial position over Jake. An hour after assuming the lead role, Jake advised me of an impending problem requiring for a decision be made based on standard operating procedures. The remedial actions were rather obvious. We either did A or B. But given that this was my first time working with Jake (a seasoned employee), I decided to take his opinion into account, moreso as a sign of respect. Jake said he'd get back to me after conducting further analysis.

Given that his analysis went on for more than one hour, I approached Jake to ask what he'd decided to do. He'd yet to decide. I advised him that our choices were either A or B. He wanted to analyze things some more. Given that things were approaching a critical juncture, in a firm tone, I instructed Jake to carryout remedial action "A." I also instructed him to document my instructions in the event it became necessary to pinpoint who'd made the final decision. I asked if he understood. He did.

Ever since that day, I've gotten the cold shoulder treatment from Jake. No matter my cordialities, Jake has behaved like a scorned child who's been sent to his room. He's a nice guy and I dislike seeing him behave this way. But, he's become so unaproachable that I've decided to let him be. If he's that sensitive then there's nothing I can ever do to make him feel better.

I can't understand how a guy can hold a grudge for something as insignificant as that. How sensitive are you? Dude, get over it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-14-2010, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
2,985 posts, read 2,289,516 times
Reputation: 5629
Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
Would most people agree that holding a grudge against someone serves no purpose at all? I see women do this often for one reason or another. Although I don't agree with it, I recognize and accept that some women wil harbor grudges for past offenses (real or merely perceived) committed against them.

Accepting that some women will harbor grudges is one thing. However, I'm really having a difficult time accepting how one of my 55+ year old male co-workers (named Jake) is holding a grudge for something relatively insignificant.

Several months ago I accepted a task which resulted in several hours overtime beyond my normal workday. This meant that I'd have to work with Jake (and others) whom I consider a friendly and likable person. My acceptance of overtime placed me in a supervisorial position over Jake. An hour after assuming the lead role, Jake advised me of an impending problem requiring for a decision be made based on standard operating procedures. The remedial actions were rather obvious. We either did A or B. But given that this was my first time working with Jake (a seasoned employee), I decided to take his opinion into account, moreso as a sign of respect. Jake said he'd get back to me after conducting further analysis.

Given that his analysis went on for more than one hour, I approached Jake to ask what he'd decided to do. He'd yet to decide. I advised him that our choices were either A or B. He wanted to analyze things some more. Given that things were approaching a critical juncture, in a firm tone, I instructed Jake to carryout remedial action "A." I also instructed him to document my instructions in the event it became necessary to pinpoint who'd made the final decision. I asked if he understood. He did.

Ever since that day, I've gotten the cold shoulder treatment from Jake. No matter my cordialities, Jake has behaved like a scorned child who's been sent to his room. He's a nice guy and I dislike seeing him behave this way. But, he's become so unaproachable that I've decided to let him be. If he's that sensitive then there's nothing I can ever do to make him feel better.

I can't understand how a guy can hold a grudge for something as insignificant as that. How sensitive are you? Dude, get over it!

Direct confrontation. It's how we men handle things.

Take him aside and talk to him, either in the capacity of a supervisor if you're still acting as such over him, or in the capacity of a former friend who is another man if you're not still supervising.

Tell him what you've observed and ask him WHY. If he hems and haws over it, then he knows he's being a douche and just doesn't want to eat crow. Laugh at it and make the peace.

If he tells you what's wrong, address it. Let him know that while you appreciated his opinion and you gave him the shot, it took too long and you needed to make a decision -- period. Tell him he can go on allowing that to create a rift if he wants but you'd prefer to put this behind you and move on.

In either case, don't be afraid to find "common ground" in mutual adversity but if you feel you were in the right, DON'T be afraid to stand your ground.

Also, you'll know whether this was worth worrying about by his reaction. If he gets over it, fine and life moves forward more pleasantly. If he chooses to continue with the grudge, don't sweat it but don't waste more time on him either. People come and go in our lives all the time and one more ain't the end of the world.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 06:55 PM
 
Location: bold new city of the south
4,911 posts, read 2,019,741 times
Reputation: 5646
How old are you?

Also, we are only hearing your side.

There are three sides to every argument.
Person A,
Person B,
and what really happened.

No two people ever remember any event the same way.
I am sure his version of what happened is quite different.
Listen to Urban S. and talk to 'Jake', about ya'll's (very
important) 'misunderstanding'. Stress that it is YA'LL'S
misunderstanding!

Very rarely is a problem 100% on one person.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2010, 06:59 AM
 
1,588 posts, read 1,565,815 times
Reputation: 2049
Quote:
Originally Posted by buddy5 View Post
How old are you?

Also, we are only hearing your side.

There are three sides to every argument.
Person A,
Person B,
and what really happened.

No two people ever remember any event the same way.
I am sure his version of what happened is quite different.
Listen to Urban S. and talk to 'Jake', about ya'll's (very
important) 'misunderstanding'. Stress that it is YA'LL'S
misunderstanding!

Very rarely is a problem 100% on one person.
"and what really happened?"

What really happened is what I described!

Look, the question here is why would a man hold a grudge like some women tend to do. This is not about placing blame on this or that person. Frankly, I could give a darn about how Jake "feels." My whole point in bringing this up is to see if anyone else has gone thru the experience of seeing a man hold a grudge for something insignificant. As far as I'm concerned, Jake can go pull up his slip and fix his skirt somewhere else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2010, 07:46 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
20,873 posts, read 18,387,278 times
Reputation: 29219
Maybe that attitude came across in your initial interaction, which is why he is miffed at you. It sounds like you have a way to go before you are supervisory material.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2010, 07:52 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 11,982,502 times
Reputation: 13226
"Jake has behaved like a scorned child who's been sent to his room". "Jake can go pull up his slip and fix his skirt somewhere else"

Take note, US.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2010, 07:53 AM
 
Location: The front porch outside of the Astral Plane
17,022 posts, read 10,071,083 times
Reputation: 27261
Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
Would most people agree that holding a grudge against someone serves no purpose at all? I see women do this often for one reason or another. Although I don't agree with it, I recognize and accept that some women wil harbor grudges for past offenses (real or merely perceived) committed against them.

Accepting that some women will harbor grudges is one thing. However, I'm really having a difficult time accepting how one of my 55+ year old male co-workers (named Jake) is holding a grudge for something relatively insignificant.

Several months ago I accepted a task which resulted in several hours overtime beyond my normal workday. This meant that I'd have to work with Jake (and others) whom I consider a friendly and likable person. My acceptance of overtime placed me in a supervisorial position over Jake. An hour after assuming the lead role, Jake advised me of an impending problem requiring for a decision be made based on standard operating procedures. The remedial actions were rather obvious. We either did A or B. But given that this was my first time working with Jake (a seasoned employee), I decided to take his opinion into account, moreso as a sign of respect. Jake said he'd get back to me after conducting further analysis.

Given that his analysis went on for more than one hour, I approached Jake to ask what he'd decided to do. He'd yet to decide. I advised him that our choices were either A or B. He wanted to analyze things some more. Given that things were approaching a critical juncture, in a firm tone, I instructed Jake to carryout remedial action "A." I also instructed him to document my instructions in the event it became necessary to pinpoint who'd made the final decision. I asked if he understood. He did.

Ever since that day, I've gotten the cold shoulder treatment from Jake. No matter my cordialities, Jake has behaved like a scorned child who's been sent to his room. He's a nice guy and I dislike seeing him behave this way. But, he's become so unaproachable that I've decided to let him be. If he's that sensitive then there's nothing I can ever do to make him feel better.

I can't understand how a guy can hold a grudge for something as insignificant as that. How sensitive are you? Dude, get over it!
Things that appear insignificant to you are not so with others. Perhaps Jake felt you were questioning his knowledge and experience regarding the matter. Did you specifically state to Jake that a decision had to be made immediately because of the time frame that had become crucial to get said task completed? Talk to Jake and ask him what his issue is, be professional, respond professionally then leave it at that. It is his decision then to either continue with his current actions or move on. Whatever he chooses is his choice and you will not change his mind.

Why stress over another human's decisions? Does his treatment of you impact your real life outside of work? Does his treatment of you impact your work life?

Move on and be done with the situation after you have had a professional chat with him, if he wants to dwell, let him, it is his own rut allow him to be stuck in it alone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2010, 08:08 AM
 
17,789 posts, read 16,860,694 times
Reputation: 17548
Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
"and what really happened?"

What really happened is what I described!

Look, the question here is why would a man hold a grudge like some women tend to do. This is not about placing blame on this or that person. Frankly, I could give a darn about how Jake "feels." My whole point in bringing this up is to see if anyone else has gone thru the experience of seeing a man hold a grudge for something insignificant. As far as I'm concerned, Jake can go pull up his slip and fix his skirt somewhere else.
Gee. Wonder what the problem is?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2010, 08:16 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 11,982,502 times
Reputation: 13226
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Gee. Wonder what the problem is?
I love the whole acting like a child equates women's MO correlation. That's just a little pearl.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2010, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,860 posts, read 10,840,982 times
Reputation: 16368
What's happening with Jake is that he felt jilted by management. Perhaps he has his heart set on this promotion, and felt he was indeed the best person for the job. The salt in the wound was you being a supervisor and asking him how to do something. I'm sure he was putting you on ice and making you sweat it out a little, petty, but in his mind he felt you as a supervisor should know if you should have gone with A or B, and now here you are asking him. This only stirs up more bitterness in Jake. Not your fault of course, but this is Jake's process.

If I were you I wouldn't take it personally. Jake is angry at how things went down, and he took it out on you. If it were anyone else getting that position ahead of him he would have reacted the same. What you have in Jake is what is commonly referred to as a disgruntled employee.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top