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The arrangement your parents had can have an impact, I guess...my mom stayed at home. She's openly stated that "married women shouldn't work". She hasn't held a job since before my older brother was born. Once we were grown up, left for college, and two of us (there are three) permanently moved out, she cut down on the stereotypical "SAHM" things such as cleaning, cooking, etc. She's a "lady of leisure" now, and I've seen the toll it's taken on my dad. I once overheard him saying that he has three children, yet he has financially supported four. If I get married, even if the guy is filthy rich, I won't become his child to support.
I see so many sad generalizations on this thread. This is a huge country with a lot of differences from one region to another. I quit a well-paying job over 20 years ago to be a SAHM. My dh made enough to support us in a small home. We took few vacations over the years, but for us, me being at home raising our children through high school was very important. Neither of us wanted our children growing up in a daycare environment. We were not poor, uneducated, nor was I lazy and did nothing but lie around the house all day long. I did all the housework as well as take care of the lawn and gardens, and even did a lot of home maintenance, like painting etc. I did a lot of volunteering at schools. It was and still is, common in my area for mothers to stay at home. Even some mothers who wanted to work had to at least take time off until their children hit elementary school; childcare here is several hundred dollars a week. So you would really need to earn a large income to afford it. So now fast forward, we unexpectedly had another child later in life. Dh's income has dropped significantly the past several years due to the economy, so it became necessary for me to at least work part time. I'm grateful that our youngest was in elementary school before this became necessary, I would have missed out on so much otherwise. Fortunately I often work weekends and evenings to avoid childcare costs, but sometimes I still work a whole afternoon only to lose it to after-school childcare. And I really miss being with my young son on those days, because evenings are just too hectic to spend one-on-one time with him, what with homework/dinner/laundry etc. But as I mentioned, it's still quite common for women to be SAHM's here, or work part time and leave the kids with relatives, so I don't get the sly insults from people like what I am seeing on this thread. "Ladies of leisure"? It is "odd" for a mother not to work? SAHM's are "another child to support?" SAHM's are more depressed? Really? Both sides could swap conflicting studies all day long.
I think it's a personal decision for each family, and what works for some in one area would not work for another elsewhere, etc. etc. So if something would not work in your situation, please do not assume everyone else would feel or be affected the same way.
Last edited by andthentherewere3; 03-16-2012 at 11:10 AM..
I can't take women seriously when they choose to not have any type of job. I have a family member who doesn't work and actually thinks she's better than working women because her husband has a high enough paying job that affords her this luxury.
I can only understand women not working if they're taking care of very young kids. Otherwise I don't see any reason why they aren't working.
What about volunteer work? I do work part time plus volunteer. No young kids. That is a really silly silly statement you made.
I can't take women seriously when they choose to not have any type of job. I have a family member who doesn't work and actually thinks she's better than working women because her husband has a high enough paying job that affords her this luxury.
I can only understand women not working if they're taking care of very young kids. Otherwise I don't see any reason why they aren't working.
Because I am a "lady of leisure" my husband lives in a magic house where light bulbs never burn out, hinges never squeak, door knobs never get loose, plants water themselves, laundry takes care of itself, nothing ever molds in the fridge, repair people let themselves in and out, cars drive themselves to mechanic....
In the evenings we have relaxing dinners together and on the weekends we go play. My husband doesn't end the day with a frazzled wife who needs to vent about a horrible day, and doesn't need to provide a honey-do list at the end of the week, and no need to argue about who is doing more or saying "You want a clean towel? wash your own damn towels."
Quality of life is better if someone (doesn't matter if husband or wife) is responsible for smoothing the non-work part of life. Our partnership is happier and healthier all the way around.
Because I am a "lady of leisure" my husband lives in a magic house where light bulbs never burn out, hinges never squeak, door knobs never get loose, plants water themselves, laundry takes care of itself, nothing ever molds in the fridge, repair people let themselves in and out, cars drive themselves to mechanic....
In the evenings we have relaxing dinners together and on the weekends we go play. My husband doesn't end the day with a frazzled wife who needs to vent about a horrible day, and doesn't need to provide a honey-do list at the end of the week, and no need to argue about who is doing more or saying "You want a clean towel? wash your own damn towels."
Quality of life is better if someone (doesn't matter if husband or wife) is responsible for smoothing the non-work part of life. Our partnership is happier and healthier all the way around.
Maybe for your relationship but that is a broad assumption. Many people can handle both working. It depends on the people and the job they do.
I know a lot of women seem to aim at finding a well off or fairly rich husband. They don't necessarily want to lie around all day, but more want to have someone that can support her and any possible kids that they may have. I understand it and all, but after the kids grow up a bit in age I think it would be OK and doable for the wife to get some kind of job...if for anything just to have some extra income and to have something to do instead of housework all day everyday.
Oh, how I wish I could quit working! But I can't afford to. I hate my job and finding another is impossible so I don't even try. I have been earning money for myself since I was 11. Had my first 'real' job at 15 and have been working since. I missed parts of my kids childhoods because of work. Holidays, family stuff, etc... The big thing now is that if I didn't have to work I could spend more time with my kids/grandson who live two hours away. I am afraid my Grandson will grow up not knowing me that well because he doesn't see me enough.
Since Im the one not working I get to do the dishes,clean the house,do the laundry, and run the errands.... UMMMM I hate it Im sooooo bored... When I was working full time we spilt everything I cooked he did the dishes, shared cleaning chores, but I did the laundry cause my man shrinks everything ACKK... Sooo trust me I'll be much happier when Im back to work.
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