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I'd always gripe about work when I had office jobs. Now, I talk a lot about my day, but it's happy talk - like laughs the other workers and I share, funny things the kids say and do, or something new and interesting I got to cook and eat (I work in a school cafeteria). People don't seem to get mad or bored hearing about it when it's pleasant or funny.
This is one of the worst things that is here in America.
They want us to work work work and then die.
Remember back in the day during the industrial revolution, the workers worked 6 days a week for un-Godly hours and terrible conditions.
What us wrong with us to do this TO OUR OWN PEOPLE.
I'd always gripe about work when I had office jobs. Now, I talk a lot about my day, but it's happy talk - like laughs the other workers and I share, funny things the kids say and do, or something new and interesting I got to cook and eat (I work in a school cafeteria).
I wish I could have a stress free job like working in a cafeteria. However, I can't live off $8-9 an hour. =(
It doesn't even sound like the OP's friend is a real life friend but someone from the internet.
She never mentioned talking to her in person, just via email, chat, facebook, phone, etc.
No, she's a real life friend. It's just that she lives in another country so we only get to see each other in real life about twice a year. That's why we communicate mostly by email/chat/etc. However, the last time that I flew all the way over there to see her, she spent 80% of her time when we were together on her stupid iPhone (and I have to say iPhone because she never refers to it in any other way) or chatting with other friends on Facebook. It drove me nuts and I was ready to just be done with her. But....we've been friends for years and used to be really close. It's just gotten bad in the last couple of years until last week, when I wrote this posting, where I realized that every communication we've had in the last 6 months has been about her job. No matter what we're talking about, she winds it back around to her job. HER BORING JOB!
So yes, she's my real life friend. Frustrating as all heck.
"Oh, my job is a pain, too. Let's talk about something else, anything else. What are you thinking about these days? What plans do you have for the future/do you worry about the state of the country/what do you read and what do you think about what you read?"
If someone can't answer any of that, they're just boring.
I cringe if someone starts a conversation at work with "I had a patient who..." I just stop them and say, "I can't stand to talk about work, I've had enough of it. Really."
Regarding dating or first meetings, I think it's very interesting to say, "I don't want to say what I do for work or know what you do for, say, ten minutes. It's not that I'm a drug dealer or anything, but I know people, myself included, assume we know things about a person by their job, and that has been incorrect so many times, I'd rather not start there." (It's easier to say this to a woman I think, than a guy, especially a successful one). When I was blind-dating, every guy I met was some kind of software wonk/engineer. Not of interest, and certainly not of interest for conversation. I also don't care if a guy is "successful," as long as he doesn't cost me money, and I know guys who aren't "successful" or are having hard times feel really bad about it, and I don't care. If I tell a guy how I earn my living, I feel the need to explain the zillion moves and changes and thoughts and ideas that ended up where I am- it's not an identity, it's not even much of a plan, and all it says about me is that I want to make a living that I see as somewhat socially useful, or at least neutral. "How I make my living isn't the most interesting thing about me, so..."
It's too bad more people don't see the value in themselves and not by what job they have. I personally work to live, not live to work. Bah.
I know many people whose only conversation is about their job. It seems that if you don't have much of a life to begin with the only thing you focus on is your job.
When you start getting hobbies and passions and start to realize that a job is nothing more than a place you show up at to make a paycheck life is so much simpler.
I guess this might be her problem. Unemployment is very high in her country, though it's one of the wealthiest countries in the world, so she does have periods of time where she doesn't work. I guess I'm starting to see where we are growing into very different people. I am a "roll with it" kind of person, I make the best of whatever is going on and can always find something new and interesting to get involved in. She's turned into quite the complainer and has become very competitive with me, even though we are VERY different people (and not just because we grew up in different cultures). The competitive stuff has been annoying me for awhile, but I've just been ignoring it. But the job thing has made my ears start bleeding and I want to just scream when she starts in on it!!
Why not put it out there, especially if you can do it in writing? (I believe in writing potentially loaded things. You can say what you mean to say, the person can read it as their own pace, and the communication isn't interrupted by either person's response or upset).
"I've been uncomfortable lately with what I see as a competitive sense in your discussions about... I don't want to compete with you or anybody... I don't measure my friend's by their success..."
Why not put it out there, especially if you can do it in writing? (I believe in writing potentially loaded things. You can say what you mean to say, the person can read it as their own pace, and the communication isn't interrupted by either person's response or upset).
"I've been uncomfortable lately with what I see as a competitive sense in your discussions about... I don't want to compete with you or anybody... I don't measure my friend's by their success..."
That's a good idea - I've been writing a letter in my head, because I want to be thoughtful and present myself well so she will listen. Other friends have noticed this too and they say they have made comments about it, but she doesn't seem to get it. And these are mutual friends that speak her native language, so it's not a language barrier thing. She is fluent in English, but even so, she uses a translator when writing to me for some words and I have to really think hard to know if she meant to be so rude sometimes or if she just picked the wrong word. At first, I thought it was just a cultural thing for everyone to complain about their jobs and talk constantly about work. But as I developed more and closer friendships in her country with others, I soon realized it was just her. Thanks for your idea, I guess I knew I needed to just flat out say something, but hearing someone else tell me that gives me the prompt I need
I keep imagining some message board where someone in some other part of the world started a thread called, "Constantly talking about grapes"
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