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You don't understand that sometimes we don't need laws for certain things because oftentimes the people do the job themselves ? You don't think that people aren't capable of pressuring others or making them feel bad about themselves because they aren't lucky enough to have the finer things ?
I think that more often than not that pressure is self-imposed and in reality, most people don't give a darn what people have or don't have.
You don't understand that sometimes we don't need laws for certain things because oftentimes the people do the job themselves ? You don't think that people aren't capable of pressuring others or making them feel bad about themselves because they aren't lucky enough to have the finer things ?
I don't fit the paradigm and I can't seem to find anyone in my circle who fits either.. I do realize it's the norm but I don't see why one must blame others or society for being coerced into spending big bucks to put up such an image.
My problem with this statement is that many people think that anyone who owns "nice things" is a "snobby yuppie" even if they don't flaunt them.
Now where in my post did you get that? I said that I knew a guy who had nice things and flaunted them ad nauseum and it was unpleasant. I've also known people who have nice things who were genuinely beautiful people. Their wonderful attitudes made me appreciate their nice things even more.
I think you like to come on here and just read bits and pieces, assume that we are all bashing the rich, and then just state whatever is opposite.
Now where in my post did you get that? I said that I knew a guy who had nice things and flaunted them ad nauseum and it was unpleasant. I've also known people who have nice things who were genuinely beautiful people. Their wonderful attitudes made me appreciate their nice things even more.
I think you like to come on here and just read bits and pieces, assume that we are all bashing the rich, and then just state whatever is opposite.
I wasn't referring to you specifically, which is why I said many people.
Here's an example. I bought a Rolex a year ago, I was tired of buying mid-range watches that died after three years and wanted something that would never need batteries or winding. I fell in love with the way the watch felt on my wrist (if you've never put one on, try it and you'll see what I mean). Mine has no diamonds, it's not flashy at all. The only person who I ever specifically showed it to other than my husband was the friend who had encouraged me to look at Rolex's when my Movado died.
I was out with a group of friends and acquaintances at a birthday dinner one night when one of the acquaintances grabbed my arm and said, "A Rolex? You spent all that money on a Rolex when there are people who can't even afford to eat? (Nevermind that we were all eating and drinking in a not so inexpensive restaurant at the time ) and really got into my face about how I should have donated that money to charity.
Never mind that I had donated over five times the amount I spent on the watch to charity last year, never mind that the watch was pre-owned and probably cost less than the total tab for our group at dinner that night.
This is the type of person I'm talking about. Unfortunately there are a lot of them out there.
I wasn't referring to you specifically, which is why I said many people.
Here's an example. I bought a Rolex a year ago, I was tired of buying mid-range watches that died after three years and wanted something that would never need batteries or winding. I fell in love with the way the watch felt on my wrist (if you've never put one on, try it and you'll see what I mean). Mine has no diamonds, it's not flashy at all. The only person who I ever specifically showed it to other than my husband was the friend who had encouraged me to look at Rolex's when my Movado died.
I was out with a group of friends and acquaintances at a birthday dinner one night when one of the acquaintances grabbed my arm and said, "A Rolex? You spent all that money on a Rolex when there are people who can't even afford to eat? (Nevermind that we were all eating and drinking in a not so inexpensive restaurant at the time ) and really got into my face about how I should have donated that money to charity.
Never mind that I had donated over five times the amount I spent on the watch to charity last year, never mind that the watch was pre-owned and probably cost less than the total tab for our group at dinner that night.
This is the type of person I'm talking about. Unfortunately there are a lot of them out there.
I agree, that type of personality trait is just as crappy as my guy from years ago.
I think that more often than not that pressure is self-imposed and in reality, most people don't give a darn what people have or don't have.
What would you say about, for example, all those commericals at Giftmas that make people feel like losers because they can't afford to spend X amount of dollars on Giftmas presents ?
Or the rich relatives who make the relatives on the poorer side feel guilty because they can't take X amount of trips each year for family gatherings ?
My brother married into a very wealthy family and apparently has forgotten what it was like to be poor. He hardly ever calls our mother anymore and when he does, he makes every effort to make her feel guilty because she can't afford expensive plane tickets to visit her grandchildren. He knows how our family is struggling, yet he never makes the offer to pay for said plane tickets.
These examples aren't self-imposed...they definitely come from the outside.
What would you say about, for example, all those commericals at Giftmas that make people feel like losers because they can't afford to spend X amount of dollars on Giftmas presents ?
That only suckers get sucked in by them.
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Or the rich relatives who make the relatives on the poorer side feel guilty because they can't take X amount of trips each year for family gatherings ?
Just because they are related it doesn't mean you have to like them, much less associate with them. I have a couple of cousins who I can't stand. I didn't go to their kids "gimmegifts" weddings because I'm not a hypocrite.
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My brother married into a very wealthy family and apparently has forgotten what it was like to be poor. He hardly ever calls our mother anymore and when he does, he makes every effort to make her feel guilty because she can't afford expensive plane tickets to visit her grandchildren. He knows how our family is struggling, yet he never makes the offer to pay for said plane tickets.
Not your problem, and your mom should flat out tell him that she'd like to come but can't afford the ticket, and tell him that if he were a good son he'd buy one for her. Guilt can work both ways.
Not your problem, and your mom should flat out tell him that she'd like to come but can't afford the ticket, and tell him that if he were a good son he'd buy one for her. Guilt can work both ways.
She won't though...because he makes her feel ashamed for being broke. He does the same thing when it's his kids birthdays...there could be nothing in the house to eat, but my mother will write a bad check to buy presents.
I see the point you're trying to make Annerk, but what I'm trying to show is that people DO try to make others feel bad about themselves for not having the same amounts of money they do. And it works.
She won't though...because he makes her feel ashamed for being broke. He does the same thing when it's his kids birthdays...there could be nothing in the house to eat, but my mother will write a bad check to buy presents.
I see the point you're trying to make Annerk, but what I'm trying to show is that people DO try to make others feel bad about themselves for not having the same amounts of money they do. And it works.
People can try, but no one has to feel ashamed for something beyond their control if they don't want to.
annerk, while I generally agree with you on how things should be.... you're ignoring behavioral patterns. The reality is that we have these things called emotions that impact our better judgement. We'd have solved many of the world's problems if we'd figured out away to rid us of these behavioral patterns with negative impacts. But the reality is, our emotions control us... not the other way around.
I could really go for some pasta.
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) and really got into my face about how I should have donated that money to charity.
