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I think people here are confused. The OP is NOT a SAHM. She wants to be a SAHW, which is totally different IMO.
OP, you are not going to clean house all day. With the modern appliances that are available and no kids around, what are you going to do with the rest of the day? Do you have any plans for your day other than cleaning and cooking?
Who says I balk? I never said he wants me to hold a job (note I do not use the word 'work' because I do work). When we first met, he did, but he saw how unhappy it made me to be away from my home. I'm perfectly happy to defer to my husband's wishes, he has my best interests at heart.
Well the fact that you said that your husband "coerced" you to work implies that you did balk at his request.
Lazy is just doing one or the other. As I mentioned before, I worked full time through chemo while tending the house for both my sloppy roommate and I (and if you know anything about chemo, the house needs to be SPOTLESS and disinfected daily). I did this while earning accolades at work and starting a chapter of a networking group for young adults with cancer, no less. Now I am working full time while recovering from cancer, in grad school part time, volunteer as much as some people put into a full time job, and keep a garden - all while keeping the home (though I split that with 2 roommates - I do all of my own cooking and often cook meals for them). Shoveling snow? I do that in the morning before I go to work. Caring for gardens? Do that after work. Canning? On weekends. My 82 year old grandparents live an hour away and I spend every other weekend going up to their place and helping out because my cousins (who work full time themselves as well as take care of their own home and children) live 5 minutes away and help out after work.
I commend you for having the internal strength to get all of that done, and it's terrible that you had to deal with cancer at such a young age. However, to be perfectly honest, just reading this made me exhausted - actually living it? well, honestly killing myself sounds like a better option. That might not be an admirable approach but that's how I feel. It sounds like a gut-wrenchingly exhausting rat-race life, and I have no idea how you managed to conserve the strength you needed to fight your illness and get through treatment. But IMHO, if a person doesn't have the necessity to take on all that much - why should they, just because someone else does?? People are different, and many would crumble under such a regime and end up with a mental and/or physical breakdown, deteriorating health, etc. Does that mean they're just lazy? I don't think it does.
People forget there are different types of personalities out there. Some are they type A, go-go-go types who have to be doing something all the time and can't fathom their lives without an active career. Others are much more mellow and laid-back and don't do well under pressure, and might thrive in a domestic atmosphere. I can tell you I'm one and when I worked, I HATED being on somebody else's schedule, hated every minute of my day having to be accounted for, hated to be away from home for 10 hours each day. I'm also an introvert and just the mere fact of sitting in an office surrounded by people for 8 hours each day stressed me out to no end - I just couldn't relax at all. As a SAHM, I can tell you it may be a whole lot more 24-7 work than sitting at a desk clicking a mouse, but I love every minute of it because I'm in charge of MY time, and though we do a ton of activities with my son and are out most of the day, I love that it's on my terms, and I'm not answering to anyone or having to socialize when I don't want to, or dealing with politics - ack!. I do a bit of freelance work too and I enjoy it too for the same reasons - unfortunately tho it doesn't bring much income. But what I'm trying to say is we've kind lost sight of such differences in modern society - it's like if you're not the 'dynamic', 'outgoing', career-ladder-climbing extraverted Type-A, you're deemed lazy. Where's the tolerance?
Oh, and what exactly is so wrong with being a daycare worker? You do realize some people actually choose to do that for a living, along with a myriad of other jobs that may not pay particularly well? And if you love kids and are good at it, that's a rare gift - and how would the working moms work if no one wanted to be a daycare worker?
Last edited by EvilCookie; 05-24-2012 at 04:09 PM..
I commend you for having the internal strength to get all of that done, and it's terrible that you had to deal with cancer at such a young age. However, to be perfectly honest, just reading this made me exhausted - actually living it? well, honestly killing myself sounds like a better option. That might not be an admirable approach but that's how I feel. It sounds like a gut-wrenchingly exhausting rat-race life, and I have no idea how you managed to conserve the strength you needed to fight your illness and get through treatment. But IMHO, if a person doesn't have the necessity to take on all that much - why should they, just because someone else does?? People are different, and many would crumble under such a regime and end up with a mental and/or physical breakdown, deteriorating health, etc. Does that mean they're just lazy? I don't think it does.
People forget there are different types of personalities out there. Some are they type A, go-go-go types who have to be doing something all the time and can't fathom their lives without an active career. Others are much more mellow and laid-back and don't do well under pressure, and might thrive in a domestic atmosphere. I can tell you I'm one and when I worked, I HATED being on somebody else's schedule, hated every minute of my day having to be accounted for, hated to be away from home for 10 hours each day. I'm also an introvert and just the mere fact of sitting in an office surrounded by people for 8 hours each day stressed me out to no end - I just couldn't relax at all. As a SAHM, I can tell you it may be a whole lot more 24-7 work than sitting at a desk clicking a mouse, but I love every minute of it because I'm in charge of MY time, and though we do a ton of activities with my son and are out most of the day, I love that it's on my terms, and I'm not answering to anyone or having to socialize when I don't want to, or dealing with politics - ack!. I do a bit of freelance work too and I enjoy it too for the same reasons - unfortunately tho it doesn't bring much income. But what I'm trying to say is we've kind lost sight of such differences in modern society - it's like if you're not the 'dynamic', 'outgoing', career-ladder-climbing extraverted Type-A, you're deemed lazy. Where's the tolerance?
Oh, and what exactly is so wrong with being a daycare worker? You do realize some people actually choose to do that for a living, along with a myriad of other jobs that may not pay particularly well? And if you love kids and are good at it, that's a rare gift - and how would the working moms work if no one wanted to be a daycare worker?
I don't know why any woman would want to waste life away. We are more than our fallopian tubes and pleasing a man all day.
Everybody is different. Just because someone doesn`t like the same things you do or want the same life you want doesn`t mean they are wasting their life away. There may be some people out there that work circles around you. They could say you are wasting your life away. Everything is relative. Why can`t people understand that there isn`t one size fits all and just because someone thinks or lives differently from you doesn`t make them wrong.
I don't know why any woman would want to waste life away. We are more than our fallopian tubes and pleasing a man all day.
As far as tubes are concerned - we have no offspring. My Better Half never demanded to be pleased. He actually tries to get in the way after working a rather intense job all day. 2011 he accepted this job and we moved to an area I am not yet in love with. The decision had been ours. Did I waste life away by herding contractors, dealing with government employees, setting up life in a different environment, finding things necessary for our daily comfort which seem to be exotic here? Yes, the closets are finger spaced and color coded. I am back to working 40-50 hours/week in a high stress industry from home. He tells me every day that I do not have to do this, that all I have to do is be happy. I may take him up on it in fall. So I am willing to waste my life away?
I envy and admire women who can stay home and do what they want.
I envy ANYONE who can stay home and do what they want. I would retire in a hearbeat if I could. I could always find fun things to do. Maybe some people live to work. Not me. For me, life is about relationships and spending time with family and friends. You can have the rat race.
Everybody is different. Just because someone doesn`t like the same things you do or want the same life you want doesn`t mean they are wasting their life away. There may be some people out there that work circles around you. They could say you are wasting your life away. Everything is relative. Why can`t people understand that there isn`t one size fits all and just because someone thinks or lives differently from you doesn`t make them wrong.
Actually, I was merely curious to learn how unusual my point of view is. I had hoped I was wrong about the state of modern society, but sadly, this thread has proven me right. Honest American values and the ideal of honorable womanhood is all but dead. I grieve for the future because, if history is anything to judge by, the day will come when we will be an agrarian society again. I'm ready, I even look forward to it, but I am, indeed, in the minority.
Uh, this is highly offensive. I couldn't care less what you do with your life, I am the opposite of you and do not feel right if I am not pursuing a fulfilling career/in the work force. However stating that means that I am not an honorable woman is a little bit ridiculous. Welcome to 2012, love.
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