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There also seems to be *some* people that are resentful and jealous of those that can afford to stay home. But still, it is no one's business why a person stays home. Far too many people stick their noses into others' lives when they should be tending to their own.
I have first hand knowledge of someone whose husband was asked how much money he made that allowed his wife to stay home. That is crossing the line and is no one's business.
In this economy if one person can afford to stay home and take care of the house, they're blessed. My friend doesn't work, but she has 3 small children, and her husband does VERY well ... She spends most of her free time working out, doing charity/humanitarian work, and spending time with her kids and friends ....
There is nothing wrong with being a housewife if you have small children at home, and want to be more attentive and balanced as far as being there and providing complete guidance ... I would imagine after they start going to school it would get dull. Unless you belong to a lot of women groups, and do a lot of charity work.
Ideally, every mother would love the thought of being home with her kids, or being there at 3:00 when they get out of school, but financially, it's not always feasible ... Now, if you have no kids, and simply chose not to work- I don't know, personally, I would want my own money - I would feel bad always having to ask my husband for allowance. Because really, that's what it is ... married or not- it's his money and he's sharing it as part of the vows he took when he said, "I do'.
I don't have an allowance, and never did. I don't live the Lucy Show 2012.
I can get access to money anytime. However, I choose to be frugal because this is what has worked for us.
Yes, Bob, people can have issues if someone loses a job. But guess what? We already KNOW how to live on very little so we are much better off than the person who has had 2 huge incomes and finds themselves fired or laid off.
Ideally we'd love 2 full incomes but right now family comes first.
The OP asked for people's thoughts on staying home rather than going off to work. So people gave their thoughts on it. That those thoughts differ markedly doesn't make anyone correct. The bottom line is if whatever arrangement you have works for you, great.
It should be noted though that the OP said her husband "coerced" her into working throughout their marriage so apparently he was not all that crazy about her wanting to stay home.
It's kinda funny to read the comments that say things like, "well, that sounds boring, I mean how much can you clean? THEN WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER? SIT ON THE COUCH AND EAT BON BONS? derp!"
So, what's wrong with having hobbies anyway? Some hobbies you can actually make a living off of. If I could be a stay at home wife, I would go back to doing art...always wanted to learn how to sculpt and paint. If one ends up being good at it, you can make some good pocket change from it. There's also learning other trades that can make you money at home as well. Part-time jobs are always an option too...and how about charity work? Just because you're not technically "working" doesn't mean it's a useless, waste of time. I would think doing these things would be way more self-fulfilling than doing the 9-5 grind. Perhaps the people against it are just jealous?
I haven't seen bon bons mentioned . I don't think a single poster here has sounded jealous. I've been home with my kids for 5 years, and can't wait to go back to work. I just wouldn't feel right staying home to work on hobbies while my husband works his butt of to support us all. I stayed home to take care of my kids, not to garden, or raise chickens, or quilt, or anything else. That's great, if you live on some land, and that's what you enjoy, but that's just not how we live, and not what I want to do. I'd rather spend the hours while my kids are at school making money so we have the resources to enjoy or weekends and vacations. that's just me. There's no right or wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 11thHour
Here's the problem: Wife wants to drop out of the workforce and stay at home for hobbies or whatever. Guess what, husband wants to also. Maybe he should join you so you can have all the time in the world for hobbies while you're homeless on the streets.
Yes, not everyone has hobbies that allow both husband and wife to stay home and be self sufficient. What if your hobbies aren't raising your own food, but working on cars, or something else that costs money, instead of makes money?
The OP asked for people's thoughts on staying home rather than going off to work. So people gave their thoughts on it. That those thoughts differ markedly doesn't make anyone correct. The bottom line is if whatever arrangement you have works for you, great.
It should be noted though that the OP said her husband "coerced" her into working throughout their marriage so apparently he was not all that crazy about her wanting to stay home.
Exactly-- she asked for folks thoughts- folks gave them.
Personally, I can't imagine just being at home. Also, I can't fathom just coming home to someone who just keeps the house, does a few hobbies here and there, etc. I would like to have someone who has an idea of what it is like to work outside the home in certain occupations-- so I can seek mentorship, advice, rant, or just talk about my day.
My mother lives with me-- she works, but she has really little to no understanding about my workplace or job. It is rather tough to come home and try to talk about certain things when she has no concept (her job is a remote work from home job as a customer service rep) and our professional experiences are completely divergent. It is fine for our situation, but I don't think it would be fine for me if she were my spouse.
For some people this may be a non-issue, but I enjoy work, I enjoy the intellectual satisfaction I get out of it, continued professional development is huge for me-- so it is always difficult for me to retain relationships with folks who just don't have the same type of drive or curiosity.
I will say this-- one of my friends is getting a divorce because of this-- their goals and values have changed from the other's. On the other hand I know a couple where the husband is a SAHH-- they have no kids. He doesn't like working and prefers to dabble in culinary studies (practices them at home has no intention of doing it for work), cleaning and doing home improvements. Works for them-- wouldn't for me.
An attitude that I do not appreciate from housewives(in my personal experience) is that they imply that just because they choose not to work, they are somehow better mothers for doing so. Newsflash, your kids could end up mess up too. Being there fore you kids 24/7 do not help them develop into the best humans moreso than mothers who work.
I find housewives who get defensive and say, "Oh well my lifestyle isn't bothering you, but I have become a better person and mother for doing so," but they are the most judgemental women I have ever seen and heard.
Most of the ones I noticed have nothing in common with anybody else except with other stay at home mothers and have nother else to talk about besides what type of home cleaners to use, how many times they change diapers, and what they are cooking when their husband comes home.
I don't think I'm beneath any woman because I choose not to stay at home when I have kids and get married. I still want a life of my own, my own income, I don't want to be sitting around baking cookies and waiting for my husband to get home and let that be the highlight of my day(come on now, be honest, most stay at home mothers are not that busy, most of the ones I see are shopping).
Anyway, I think it's silly to risk unless your husband is uber wealthy like Mitt Romney or Bill Gates.
You know what you want....don't let the media think differently
Quote:
Originally Posted by us2indaup
As far back as I can remember, I've only aspired to accomplish one thing - to marry and keep my own house. Motherhood was negotiable, but I never doubted my purpose in life - to keep house for an appreciative husband. Now, in 2012, I'm an anomaly, a freak, and made to feel like I'm lazy or a slacker by other women in society. Tell me - have old fashioned values really disappeared? Are there no men any more who look for women like myself? My husband coerced me into working off & on through our 25 year marriage, but I have never been comfortable with it & do not want to do it any more. What do you guys think of this?
I was the black sheep - the only one or one of the only ones who HAD to work - I am regretting that now - however, I had to - good for you - most of my children's friends' moms were SAHM and PROUD of it.
in this economy if one person can afford to stay home and take care of the house, they're blessed. My friend doesn't work, but she has 3 small children, and her husband does very well ... She spends most of her free time working out, doing charity/humanitarian work, and spending time with her kids and friends ....
There is nothing wrong with being a housewife if you have small children at home, and want to be more attentive and balanced as far as being there and providing complete guidance ... I would imagine after they start going to school it would get dull. Unless you belong to a lot of women groups, and do a lot of charity work.
Ideally, every mother would love the thought of being home with her kids, or being there at 3:00 when they get out of school, but financially, it's not always feasible ... Now, if you have no kids, and simply chose not to work- i don't know, personally, i would want my own money - i would feel bad always having to ask my husband for allowance. Because really, that's what it is ... Married or not- it's his money and he's sharing it as part of the vows he took when he said, "i do'.
+++++++++++++++++++++++1!! Lol
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. I don't think a single poster here has sounded jealous. I've been home with my kids for 5 years, and can't wait to go back to work. I just wouldn't feel right staying home to work on hobbies while my husband works his butt of to support us all. I stayed home to take care of my kids, not to garden, or raise chickens, or quilt, or anything else. That's great, if you live on some land, and that's what you enjoy, but that's just not how we live, and not what I want to do. I'd rather spend the hours while my kids are at school making money so we have the resources to enjoy or weekends and vacations. that's just me. There's no right or wrong. 
You know what you want....don't let the media think differently
