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Ok, this is obviously an odd post and I know standards are changing for what's normal in the workplace, but - well, here's the story.
I'm a senior level admin at a relatively small technology firm of about 40 people. There's a guy in our office who is a really nice guy, really smart, and a really hard worker. The only problem is he has a major - how to put this - plumber's butt problem. He dresses normally by our dress standards - polo shirt and khaki pants and, strangely, it doesn't even seem like he sags his pants. But for whatever reason when he sits down, 3 or 4 inches of his butt crack are visible. This isn't your standard tip of the butt crack, it's literally at least half his butt. Perhaps he was born high waisted or maybe his weight (he is a fairly overweight) is a factor, but I honestly don't think he knows. He's pretty introverted and single, so there's no wife or girlfriend to give him a heads up. And being a tech firm, almost everyone in the office is introverted and don't have the guts to tell him. We've talked about it when he's not there, and we joke about you have to train your eyes where not to look when you walk into his office.
It's unpleasant to have to see someone's butt on a daily basis, but I can live with it. The thing I feel bad about is this guy has been passed up for promotion several times, even though he clearly deserves it. He works late hours, he's very reliable, and he's one of the best technicians and analysts in the office, IMO. Even though he never meets directly with clients, I firmly believe that the butt crack problem is causing Management to pass him over for promotion (In fact, I've heard it hinted at in so many words).
I really think someone needs to tell him. It's unpleasant for us in the office, and more importantly it's really hurting his life. I'm sure not just at work, but elsewhere too. Since I'm female, I asked one of my male colleagues if he would maybe approach him about this, but my co-worker said "I'm not getting anywhere near that one".
So I'm debating if I should talk to him - in some ways, as an admin I feel like it's part of my job to create a pleasant atmosphere in the office and help my co-workers succeed. What do you think? Is it worth it? How can I approach this?
That's a good question. We have your typical office computer chairs - some with a solid back and some with the mesh back (that you can't really see through anyway). But the way he sits in his chair, his back and butt are not fully against the back of the chair. The way his office is set up is that he's at a side angle from the door, so you don't really see anything from the back of the chair anyway. It's from the side angled a bit, if that makes sense. Also, we have meetings in other rooms and chairs/stools in the kitchen where the problem is even more apparent.
That's really tough then! I think you're probably right that he has some sort of sensory issues and just doesn't know he's so exposed. If you ever rearrange offices or cubicles, maybe you can suggest he sit some way that his back/side isn't exposed to everyone. That might at least help with part of it.
That's really tough then! I think you're probably right that he has some sort of sensory issues and just doesn't know he's so exposed. If you ever rearrange offices or cubicles, maybe you can suggest he sit some way that his back/side isn't exposed to everyone. That might at least help with part of it.
You're a good friend and co-worker.
Thanks! I wouldn't exactly say that we're friends, but I respect and like the guy, and I feel bad for him. He's been getting a raw deal at work and it doesn't seem right.
The meeting went alright, I suppose. I didn't use the words "butt" or "crack" but I was very direct in telling him that when he sat down his pants were coming down too low. I told him that he shouldn't feel too bad as this kind of thing happens to a lot of people, but that I didn't want to see it hurting his professional growth. He seemed genuinely very surprised and somewhat embarrassed, but he thanked me profusely and said he would make sure to take care of the problem.
The next Monday he came into work with what appeared to be brand new pants, new belt, and a longer shirt. When I saw him walk by I thought "Great, looks like the problem is fixed." But, somehow, when he was sitting in his office you could still see his butt. I'm not sure how the physics of it are possible, as the pants were clearly up high and the shirt was long. But there it was, showing just as much - if not more - than previously. I'm starting to think the poor guy just has a body shape where he can't prevent this from happening - he has a really long torso yet is really high-waisted.
When I walked in he said to me - with probably more than half of his crack obliviously showing - something to the effect of "Thank you so much for pulling me aside and talking to me. It's really important to me that I present myself well and you've helped me make a big improvement". He honestly had no clue and I didn't have the heart to tell him. I'm sure most people would be more aware but this guy is a space cadet of the highest order (as I've noticed many very smart people are ).
At this point I'm just going to let sleeping dogs lie. There's no way they will let him go, since he is such a good worker. And as I am now being promoted from admin to business manager, I will be able to to weigh in on mid-year evaluations and raises, and I am going to lobby hard to get him a good raise. Don't get me wrong, I think dressing professionally is very important but this guy has clearly tried his hardest and - in the end - a butt is just a butt. He works long hours, does great work, has not gotten a raise for a long time, and is very valuable to the firm - all that is way more important than the fact that you can see his rear end (especially, as I said, since he never meets clients face to face). You can call me unprofessional, I suppose, but I think what's fair is fair.
I think you are a very caring person. I might have tried to tell him....because he trusts you.
It is a difficult situation for sure. But, I for one appreciate your kindnesses and your plans to make things right for this person regarding deserved work rewards.
I want to Thank you for that kindness. I have a son that I could see being in this position...personally I appreciate your tact in handling this situation and your awareness of how to keep embarrassment down to a minimum. I think you deserve your promotion. Good luck
Crack kills. Actually that's what kids around here will say when someone is intentionally or unintentionally showing too much of their hind-ends.
As far as the OP -- you tried, that's about all you can do. I have a brother-in-law who I think is just shaped funny and it's always a problem for him, and I don't think he even realizes, and we all have just gotten used to it and now pretty much don't notice, he's a pretty good guy.
The meeting went alright, I suppose. I didn't use the words "butt" or "crack" but I was very direct in telling him that when he sat down his pants were coming down too low. I told him that he shouldn't feel too bad as this kind of thing happens to a lot of people, but that I didn't want to see it hurting his professional growth. He seemed genuinely very surprised and somewhat embarrassed, but he thanked me profusely and said he would make sure to take care of the problem.
The next Monday he came into work with what appeared to be brand new pants, new belt, and a longer shirt. When I saw him walk by I thought "Great, looks like the problem is fixed." But, somehow, when he was sitting in his office you could still see his butt. I'm not sure how the physics of it are possible, as the pants were clearly up high and the shirt was long. But there it was, showing just as much - if not more - than previously. I'm starting to think the poor guy just has a body shape where he can't prevent this from happening - he has a really long torso yet is really high-waisted.
When I walked in he said to me - with probably more than half of his crack obliviously showing - something to the effect of "Thank you so much for pulling me aside and talking to me. It's really important to me that I present myself well and you've helped me make a big improvement". He honestly had no clue and I didn't have the heart to tell him. I'm sure most people would be more aware but this guy is a space cadet of the highest order (as I've noticed many very smart people are ).
At this point I'm just going to let sleeping dogs lie. There's no way they will let him go, since he is such a good worker. And as I am now being promoted from admin to business manager, I will be able to to weigh in on mid-year evaluations and raises, and I am going to lobby hard to get him a good raise. Don't get me wrong, I think dressing professionally is very important but this guy has clearly tried his hardest and - in the end - a butt is just a butt. He works long hours, does great work, has not gotten a raise for a long time, and is very valuable to the firm - all that is way more important than the fact that you can see his rear end (especially, as I said, since he never meets clients face to face). You can call me unprofessional, I suppose, but I think what's fair is fair.
You are a very kindhearted, smart, and tactful individual. No wonder you were promoted from your position.
Thanks for the kind words, all! This board has been really helpful in figuring out how to deal with this problem.
I'm still not exactly sure how involved with management decisions I'll be right off the bat, but I plan to do my best to get my co-worker that raise when mid-year evaluations come around. There are plenty of other changes that I think are long overdue, but I probably shouldn't push it too soon, right?
Crack kills. Actually that's what kids around here will say when someone is intentionally or unintentionally showing too much of their hind-ends.
As far as the OP -- you tried, that's about all you can do. I have a brother-in-law who I think is just shaped funny and it's always a problem for him, and I don't think he even realizes, and we all have just gotten used to it and now pretty much don't notice, he's a pretty good guy.
That's so funny! My brother-in-law has the exact same problem. My sister (his wife) says he didn't realize it for a long time but that at some point he sort of figured it out. After that I guess he tried a bunch of different things which he thought fixed the problem, but none of them worked.
Like you said, we've all gotten used to it and eventually you stop noticing. He's a good guy too.
He may not know that he should be buying "Tall" size shirts....it makes a huge difference in tuck in length....Maybe sneak a couple into his office w/out anyone knowing. I feel badly for him after reading how difficult it has been re: promotions etc. We are a very fickle society. It takes good people to remember to see past the exterior some times. You are good people OP!
He may not know that he should be buying "Tall" size shirts....it makes a hugedifference in tuck in length....Maybe sneak a couple into his office w/out anyone knowing. I feel badly for him after reading how difficult it has been re: promotions etc. We are a very fickle society. It takes good people to remember to see past the exterior some times. You are good people OP!
Since you have already mentioned it once and he accepted your suggestion I would try again. perhaps suggest that he measure the length of his shirts and try to get ones several inches longer. I would recommend a big & tall mens shop.
I am a plus size woman and the clothing is cut very differently at plus size stores vs just a plus size department in a regular store. In general the shirts are about three or four inches (sometimes even six inches) longer at some plus size stores even if the shoulders and chest are exactly the same size. That makes the difference between ending right above an oversized tummy or big hips and totally covering the tummy and hip area. It also greatly decreases any chance of ride-up in the back or plumbers butt.
For women reading this it varies between plus size stores. Some are geared to teens and younger women so they do have many "crop tops" and shorter tops that expose your belly at times. I always bring a tape measure along to check the length of a shirt.
I am not familiar with male big & tall stores but a tape measure (or trying it on at the store and then sitting down and looking in the three way mirror with a sales clerk would be helpful).
It would be a kindness to tell him that the problem is not solved. Good luck to you.
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