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Old 04-28-2013, 04:10 PM
 
36 posts, read 30,706 times
Reputation: 67

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I started a job a few weeks ago and this girl there has always been really negative about the customers, being snarky with them, complaining about them, playing them on speaker for everyone to hear after she's gotten them upset, and when I first started there I was really nice to everyone but she always had this dour look to her like her world was just falling in, but when I actually heard what she was complaining about they were always little things that most people would blow off or know how to deal with.

Because I didn't work directly with her but with the other people in the office, I had a good relationship with them but she was always a strange one because she looked so negative all the time, so I kind of avoided it. For some reason she's now giving me the cold shoulder and won't even look at me anymore. I learned recently she disrupted something at my desk, but I avoided asking her about it. I'm not sure I can continue pretending like she doesn't exist but I think she has some kind of problem with me and I have no clue how to deal with it. Her attitude is pretty disruptive and distracting and I just want nothing to do with the constant complaining and negativity.

Any suggestions?
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Old 04-28-2013, 05:19 PM
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Location: San Antonio
16,001 posts, read 30,535,627 times
Reputation: 11933
Are you in some kind of unusual business where the customers don't matter? I would figure that repeated instances of aggravating customers would be a firable offense.
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Old 04-28-2013, 05:51 PM
 
300 posts, read 927,247 times
Reputation: 282
What type of industry do you work in? My guess is that she hates her job so she will find any way to entertain herself throughout the day.
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Detroit, MI
340 posts, read 716,820 times
Reputation: 342
Do you have a boss?
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Old 04-30-2013, 02:28 PM
 
1,265 posts, read 2,422,688 times
Reputation: 1855
She's a whiny drama queen. I wish I could say they're rare, but I've had to work with them too. It's best to just ignore her and wait for her to find someone else to pick on.

Alternately, you could help her get herself fired. "Accidentally" let angry customers know she's been slamming them, or give irate people her direct phone number. Sooner or later her trashy mouth will get her fired if you give her "opportunities" to show what she's really like. Just act innocent and don't get caught!!
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Old 03-01-2014, 01:29 AM
 
36 posts, read 30,706 times
Reputation: 67
She is not monitored and any complaints I've made to managers go nowhere, and the other people don't complain, they sometimes acknowledge or go along with it because they're being disrupted but I can't do that often in my job (software developer). I think they'll feel rude if they ignore it but I have to ignore it most times and I think she has taken it personally. It has now escalated to argumentative levels about small office things that I try to avoid (and I don't call out) so I need some advice on how to deal with it as I am on good rapport with everyone else and so is she (though I think they get annoyed at the constant disruption).
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Old 03-01-2014, 02:02 AM
 
2,766 posts, read 3,629,751 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angrivated View Post
She is not monitored and any complaints I've made to managers go nowhere, and the other people don't complain, they sometimes acknowledge or go along with it because they're being disrupted but I can't do that often in my job (software developer). I think they'll feel rude if they ignore it but I have to ignore it most times and I think she has taken it personally. It has now escalated to argumentative levels about small office things that I try to avoid (and I don't call out) so I need some advice on how to deal with it as I am on good rapport with everyone else and so is she (though I think they get annoyed at the constant disruption).
Oh wow, this has been going on for almost a year ?

I started a new job 2 months ago. I share an office with one guy who is a total nightmare. I think he hates his job, but he makes too much money to leave.
I wish I had advise for you, but I don't. I don't even know how to best handle my situation. I am debating mentioning something to the GM (I work almost on a daily basis with him) of the company.
These people that are confrontational, and get away with it. It is unreal. My co-worker started raising his voice to me today, and I had to walk away.

Problem is, my coworker and the GM and my boss will be at the office tomorrow, (they work every saturday, I do not) and I wonder if my nightmare co-worker will stir the pot and try to build his case to prepare for me saying something on Monday.

Is it the competitive nature of some people ? Do they hate their job that much ? Do they feel threatened by certain people (everyone? ) Why do employers let people get away with this stuff ?

OP, do you truly think your coworker has a good repor with her co-workers, or do they just tolerate her ? Does she not act weird to other co-workers ? Or do the other co-workers just pretend that she isn't a problem so they don't have to deal with the kind of situation you are in ?
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Old 03-01-2014, 06:40 PM
 
Location: Duluth, Minnesota, USA
7,653 posts, read 13,773,170 times
Reputation: 6573
Maybe she is attracted to you and that is her way of manifesting the attraction? If she's pretty, reciprocate and you might just have a new wife within the next year or two.
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Old 03-01-2014, 06:53 PM
 
188 posts, read 174,245 times
Reputation: 26
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Originally Posted by tvdxer View Post
Maybe she is attracted to you and that is her way of manifesting the attraction? If she's pretty, reciprocate and you might just have a new wife within the next year or two.
joke
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Old 03-02-2014, 09:24 PM
 
2,318 posts, read 1,781,527 times
Reputation: 3772
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
My co-worker started raising his voice to me today, and I had to walk away.
You hit the nail on the head. Indifference is your friend in cases like these. They WANT a rise out of you -- they are spoiling for a fight, but if they consistently are not "rewarded," they will not continue. Either ignore them altogether, pretend to be distracted by your work and don't reply or react to anything, and if they keep at it, give them an irritated, "you're interrupting me" expression and say, "What? I wasn't listening. What is it?" to show them that your time and peace of mind is very valuable. Fidget slightly, keep looking anxiously back at your work or your screen, drum your fingers on the desk -- just make a big show of impatience.

When they tell you whatever it is, look even more perplexed (always frown, while looking incredulous) and say, "Does that seriously get to you?" or "Why do you let something like that get to you?" or "What are you talking about?" and don't wait for an answer; just shake your head as in "this is ridiculous," go back to your work, and keep your back to them as much as possible.

If they get in your face, turn sideways or conveniently "find what you need" behind you so they'll be talking to your back, not your face. This will cue them unconsciously that you aren't fazed. If they speak to you while they are standing and you are sitting, stand up and walk closer to them. Never cross your arms in front of you; keep them at your sides. If they still keep up, move in even closer to invade their space. They won't expect this, and it will throw them off.


Quote:
Is it the competitive nature of some people ?
Yes.

Quote:
Do they hate their job that much ?
Yes.

Quote:
Do they feel threatened by certain people (everyone? )
YES. Jealousy and envy runs rampant with these types. They don't feel adequate or good about themselves, and it's really pitiable as well as bothersome.

Quote:
Why do employers let people get away with this stuff ?
They either have dirt on the boss, longevity with the company, or have been sexually involved with one of the higher-ups, who are also just as intimidated as you are. Or, the employers/managers are flaky, non-confrontational people. Many, many people should never be in management because they lack basic people skills, but they get promoted because they bring money into the firm, are very adept, tend to be a company cheerleader, are reliable, and follow THEIR managers like lap dogs (i.e., the "yes" men and women of the world).


The only other thing to do is confront them directly (again, when they least expect it). Let them spout off, be rude, do whatever they do, and let it go. The very next time you see them, look them right in the eye and say firmly, slowly, and evenly, "Do not EVER, EVER speak to me like that again." Hold your gaze until they break eye contact.

It happened to me, and I chose the last example. After that, she avoided me to the point of even taking a different entrance way to the office so she wouldn't have to pass my desk. No one can hurt you if you don't give them permission. Good luck!
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