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I have a co-worker who has always been courteous and polite with me up until about two weeks ago. She works in a different department, but I have to interact with her (usually once daily) to process sales reports and documents. She has always been very friendly and polite towards me, made small-talk, etc. About two weeks ago she started acting very coldly toward me. Whenever I said "hi" or "how are you" she would give me short, very curt responses and sigh and roll her eyes. At first, I didn't take it personally and assumed that she may have had something going on in her personal life that was putting her in a bad mood. However, I began to notice that she was still her usual, friendly self toward other co-workers, but her behavior would instantly change when it came time to work with me. I was also walking toward our building once when she was as well, and she opened the door (keypad coded), turned, saw me coming (we made eye contact so I know for a fact she saw me), then let the door slam shut in my face.
I am a 24 year old man and she's around my age as well, if that matters. I don't recall doing or saying anything offensive (I behave very professionally at work) that could have rubbed her the wrong way.
How should I proceed with this? I don't know her well enough/feel comfortable asking her if I offended her in some way, and I feel like this could just open up a whole can of worms (she could go to HR and say that I was harassing her, etc). What should I do?
She could be acting this way for a number of reasons, but if you did offend her somehow she should behave with some maturity and integrity and discuss it with you. She might be trying to get a rise out of you because she's jealous, or wants to control you for some reason. I say, don't let her see that her behavior bothers you, keep smiling and acting confident. But, if she keeps being blatantly rude to you, I would tell her that she'd better cut it out or you are going to have to address it with HR. Nobody deserves to be treated rudely.
She could be acting this way for a number of reasons, but if you did offend her somehow she should behave with some maturity and integrity and discuss it with you. She might be trying to get a rise out of you because she's jealous, or wants to control you for some reason. I say, don't let her see that her behavior bothers you, keep smiling and acting confident. But, if she keeps being blatantly rude to you, I would tell her that she'd better cut it out or you are going to have to address it with HR. Nobody deserves to be treated rudely.
Personally I would ask her if something was wrong. Maybe there was some kind of misunderstanding that can be cleared up. If that doesn't work I would just ignore it. As long as it is not impacting your work it shouldn't matter.
This is what I would do. I would do it privately. Good luck!
Quote:
Originally Posted by manderly6
Personally I would ask her if something was wrong. Maybe there was some kind of misunderstanding that can be cleared up. If that doesn't work I would just ignore it. As long as it is not impacting your work it shouldn't matter.
Personally I would ask her if something was wrong. Maybe there was some kind of misunderstanding that can be cleared up. If that doesn't work I would just ignore it. As long as it is not impacting your work it shouldn't matter.
This. If she says that you didn't do anything, I'd probably mention it in passing to my supervisor just as a CYA.
How should I proceed with this? I don't know her well enough/feel comfortable asking her if I offended her in some way, and I feel like this could just open up a whole can of worms (she could go to HR and say that I was harassing her, etc). What should I do?
JMHO: Take it to HR. Say it's not healthy for 2 co workers to have tension. Then ask for a 3 party intervention meeting if HR is open to that. Then while you're in the meeting say "Y'know, [insert name] it's a shame because when I first started working here we had a regular good working relationship. Now there's tons of tension and I have no clue as to why."
The 3 party intervention lets HR see who is acting like a child and who is acting like an adult.
JMHO but I feel it falls within HR's responsibility to know the in's and out's of company synergy, on a micro level. And that includes how folks get/don't get along, and find out why. That, IMHO, is part of company health: for folks to get along in a purely work sense (even if they don't like each other personally, if that's a factor, which it often is)
Last edited by grimace8; 04-29-2013 at 10:51 AM..
Reason: added JMHO and IMHO; fixed punctuation
How should I proceed with this? I don't know her well enough/feel comfortable asking her if I offended her in some way, and I feel like this could just open up a whole can of worms (she could go to HR and say that I was harassing her, etc). What should I do?
I think you should act like an adult here and address the issue. You could simply open the dialog by saying: "My impression is that we were working well together, and more recently I feel there has been some tension between us. Have I done or said something that has offended you?"
If that opens up dialog to work it out, that's great. If she refuses to acknowlege what the offense was, you did what you could and now it's time to move forward. Asking one time to clear the air does not constitute harrassment. You should be able to handle this yourself, taking it directly to HR is just silly. Once it starts infering with your ability to do your job, then take it to HR.
taking it directly to HR is just silly. Once it starts infering with your ability to do your job, then take it to HR.
but it goes on record if he takes it to HR. (it = meaning lots of things about the situation, especially her behavior which to be blunt, sounds a little immature and unprofessional IMHO)
i'm not telling him what to do. just making a minor point. he can speak to HR in confidence and say it's not good for mental health and not exactly the highest professional behavior on her part. and with everything that's been happening in the news, mental health is now important. (it should always be important IMHO, past present and future but whatever)
the way this specific case sounds, i get the vibe that it won't be solved so easily as we here hope. also: IMHO (hope I'm wrong!) it sounds like it has potential to drag on. and then the OP might find himself in a situation where he wished he did take it to HR in the early stage
Last edited by grimace8; 04-29-2013 at 02:13 PM..
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