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Nowadays that wouldn't be possible unless you were really lucky.
What do you mean, landing a full-time job and my own apartment in the same two-day period? The apartment was where my mom and I were living before she moved out. The point is, I was able to manage all that despite never having work experience because that's how I was raised in general. Stay positive and never give up.
The best luck anyone can have is to have been raised by parents like my mom!
We give her room and board and the basic essentials to get by, she lost her cellphone last winter,we said if you want another one earn it but as she wasnt one to use it much she really isnt too interested in getting another or at least getting a job to earn it.
She also isnt that big into fashion so she actually loves shopping for clothes at Goodwill type places.
As for spending money? she has an education fund she can tap into if she needs spending money but she dont spend much and is quite frugal.
Last night we threatened to take her computer away during the day if she doesnt make an effort to get a job,, she didnt seem to care..
As she is now 19yrs old i'm thinking the bulk of our parenting is over and the door to the proverbial cage is open and even though i feel it would be in her best interest to get summer employment its now about that time to make your own destiny in life, my wife thinks she should be out there every day looking for a summer job.
This is crazy. Take the lap top away and don't return it until she has a job. STOP permitting she to dip into her college fund.
Give her work to do around the house. Hard work. Washing floors, cleaning bathrooms and kitchens, lawn mowing etc. Do not let her use your vehicles. If she needs a ride to look for work take her. That is it. Don't let her out of the house unless she is with you and it's JOB RELATED!
She needs a wake up call. My children are 19 and 17. Each have had summer jobs since they were 15.They want money. We don't give out spending money we only buy necessary clothes and feed them. You are not doing her a favor by letting her lounge around on her lap top all summer while she depletes her college fund.
Close that cage door and rein her in! It's not too late!
OP - glad to hear your daughter has now applied for a job at Target. Here's hoping she gets it. If she doesn't, and if she goes right back to her computer games, my advice would be to make staying home for the summer harder/less comfortable than getting a job.
If you can take a couple of weeks off work, perhaps it's time to look at all the things that need doing in your house - cleaning out the gutters, repainting the decking, deep cleaning and repainting the rooms, new landscaping in the backyard, or whatever. Tell her she has to be involved alongside you to get it done - 7 hours a day, five days a week. No pay, because she lives there too.
If you can't take time off work, I agree with other posters who say give her a list of chores to accomplish each day (and make them as onerous as you can).
I also agree that the less work she has on her resume, the harder it will be for her to get a job once she's done with college. Does she realise that?
You're saying "does she realize that?" like it's a fact, when it's not.
Stop posting speculation as facts.
Also, you shouldn't simply make busywork for her to do.
Also, if the OP is taking time off work to do that, then she's losing her vacation time too, so how is that productive?
Also, she already lives there without the work, so it makes no sense why she should be unpaid.
This is crazy. Take the lap top away and don't return it until she has a job. STOP permitting she to dip into her college fund.
Give her work to do around the house. Hard work. Washing floors, cleaning bathrooms and kitchens, lawn mowing etc. Do not let her use your vehicles. If she needs a ride to look for work take her. That is it. Don't let her out of the house unless she is with you and it's JOB RELATED!
She needs a wake up call. My children are 19 and 17. Each have had summer jobs since they were 15.They want money. We don't give out spending money we only buy necessary clothes and feed them. You are not doing her a favor by letting her lounge around on her lap top all summer while she depletes her college fund.
Close that cage door and rein her in! It's not too late!
So on the one hand, you want the OP to make her child be more independent, but on the other hand, the child has no right to spend the money as she wishes?
Actually i'm the dad, she also doesnt need or want a car as we live in downtown Montreal with a bus stop 20 feet from our front door, as said before although i'd like her to have a summer job and i believe it would definitely be in her best interest on many levels i also think at 19 its time to make her own decisions in life, up till now she's turned out pretty good,smart, no bad habits and hangs around with a good crowd,an honor role student all through high school.
The reason i started the topic was to get some ideas as to how to painlessly get her motivated to get a job without resorting to the Sheena12 solution which happens to be similar to my wifes solution and to my way of thinking may be throwing the baby out with the bath water in as much as all the positives she has achieved up till now could be reversed if we start coming down like tyrants just over this one issue.
But why should they have to pay for it? They have no rights to any of their decisions and the parents have absolute control to force them to live with them.
So why should they have to pay for that forced decision on top of it?
It would be like making you live in my house, but then you have to pay for it too!
Why should the kids have to get along? I think I understand what your replier was saying now. I didn't get it at first, but now I do.
You're subscribing to the PC notion that we should all get along, regardless if that is warranted or not. So if 6 people are assigned to a job and 5 are goofing off, should the other goof off too, just so the 6 people get along?
So now you want to make kids work and FORCE them to bank it?
What if they don't want to bank it?
You should ALWAYS get everything you want, or at least take actions to help you get what you want.
What incentive would you provide them to do the right thing if you can't get what you want? Because you said so? Oh, I'm sure that message will be received great!
Your point about individualism makes no sense. If everyone is so lazy now, there should be millions of jobs available.
Is an 11-year old an adult to you?
I'm sorry, but unfortunately you just don't understand, and you respectfully didn't process my words written down properly.
I don't think or believe they should have to pay for it, they literally couldn't, it would be impossible for a child to pay for they're own college tuitions and books today....
I'm sorry you missed the whole point of my post....
poweramplifyingionairline I feel so sorry for you.
You never got to be a kid. What's the point in having money if you're too busy to spend it?
Please don't feel sorry for me, I've always been so truly blessed and had a wonderful childhood. We often times talk about how lucky we were...and all of us, got along...there was no bullying....we had a marvelous childhood...(over 20 kids in our neighborhood) why, b/c our parents were great parent....we would have gotten our butts beat if we bullied anyone, period. We knew there were things that were just wrong to do...and we knew how to have lots of fun...we played so many games...and everyone's parents were good to us, watched out for us, we all did things together, picnics...parades, day trips to the shore, riding horses, camping, fishing...playing baseball, kick the tin can....and no one was excluded...we all played together and watched out for each other.
Working part time, certainly didn't kill me, or keep me from being a child...and when I look back now, I can tell you how much I cherish what I've learned from being responsible, at a young age. Years ago, kids were a whole lot more mature and responsible...didn't mean we were not children. At 7 years old, we walked to the park together, and the wading pool was overseen by an adult school teacher...and an associate. Today you wouldn't see that happen...
I'm thankful and thank God all the time, that I grew up during the time I did...b/c we had so much more, which didn't entail material wealth, phones or TV's in our rooms...so much more....we knew how to do without...we knew how to improvise and create fun...we were not allowed to sit in the house and watch TV, all day or play computer games...we went outside and played in the sand box, we built pretend model homes with Balsa wood, we helped the neighbor if she was pulling weeds...we went over to the 5 & 10 for ice cream...
we walked to the park and played, we went ice skating in the winter time, we swam all summer long, or went to camp...we played in the creek that ran through the park...we attended church and concerts, and the community was always having dances for us kids, and events, like parades and huge chicken bar-b-que's in the park, we had many things to do...plus helped around the house, with the cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, etc.
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And you had to be an adult, even when you had no legal rights.
No, I didn't have to be an adult, it is amazing what you read into another person's words....being mature, and aware of responsiblities, knowing what is right and wrong at an early age, is a plus.
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You can be a responsible individual without working. Just turning in your homework on time shows responsibility.
Yes, your right, but being a responsible individual holds a whole lot more water then just turning in your homework on time...there is a whole lot you learn by leaving the protective bubble of your home, and going out in the world and working/interacting with other people. A whole lot more.
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"that life isn't always fair, but it does go on"
Life isn't always fair, some you win, some you loose, and today, so much pressure is put on children to be a winner...kids today do not know how to loose and just simply accept it as no big deal, b/c they're parents push them to win. I was a swimmer, played girls baseball, basketball, etc...and we were never pressured to win like kids today, and parents were gracious and kind at all our games...b/c they realized, it's only a game, not something we needed to excel at.
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Oh BS. If you just accept life being unfair, then you should never expect it to improve.
See, there you go again, misunderstanding what I said, I didn't say, life is unfair, what I said, was, as in anything else in life...you have ups and downs, nothing is ever perfect, you are never a winner all the time, and life and rules do not always go our way...and it is a very good rule to teach your children that, so that when life does fall down around them, they are able to accept it, change their couse and move on. "Life is like a box of chocolates"
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If your boss took advantage of you, for example, why would you expect it to change if you just give in and do what they want anyway?
What does my boss taking advantage of me, have to do with what I said....how in the world can you make up this kind of senerio from what I wrote? What I said was, as a child, working, I learned how to work together as a team with other people outside of my family. I learned also, that while out in the world, there are other rules that needed to be followed outside of my families rules. I learned how to interact with others, besides my family, learned a responsible schedule, outside of my own, and didn't begrudge working in the least, b/c we all, (all us kids) had so much fun together. Also met a whole new group of kids...who were good kids, and we interacted together outside of the job.
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"Parents are way to easy on they're kids today, treat them like children"
So they treat them like their age? How is that wrong?
Wrong, what parents do today, (and not all parents) is make kids so dependent on them. i.e. A mother/son senerio...mother does everything for her son, so much so, that he doesn't have any chores at all, doesn't realize he must help out, so that when he grows up and marries, he expects his wife to be his mother and do everything for him. He doesn't know how to be a partner in marriage...and doesn't take initiative to create play time for he and his wife. One thing I taught my son, all work, work, work, is not good for a realationship...while it's good to work together, as a team, you also need to take time to play together as a couple, and have date nights, vacations, and do things alone once in a while, while someone watches the kids. It is a necessity to keep the romance going, to create surprises for your wife, to help her do the dishes, take out the trash, mow the lawn, working together is a must...it isn't someone's JOB to do something simply b/c your a man or a woman...you need to work together...and play together, as a family, or once in a while as a couple, alone.
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Also, you don't prepare for college. Do you realize how hard high school is? Just to get through one year is tough enough and you don't want them to have a break at all?
Yes, I do know how hard high school is, but college is to, what do you think school is preparing our kids for?
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It is RIDICULOUS how many things you made him do! You're essentially making him the maid and all he gets is to watch TV!
Your wrong again...my son and his wife have always thanked me, b/c they both work different hours, therefore, my daughter in law constantly tells me, she doesn't know what she would do, if she had a baby as a husband. She explained to me, so many of her friends have husbands that do not help around the house, they sit and do nothing, while the wife carry's the load, b/c their mother's spoiled them and did everything for them. My son, told my Daughter in law, what he did as a child, (and believe me, there was time for play) and she is so thankful that I raised him to be self-sufficent, instead of making my son my only purpose in life...which is what a lot of mother's do. My son, actually thanks me over and over again, b/c it has helped to create team work in their household. Not one thing is her job, or his...they work together...and have a very good marriage because they are both mature and responsible to each other and my grand-daughter, is extremely polite, mature and very aware...and I'm proud of all of them...very proud.
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Nothing comes for free? You want him to do all those chores and not feel entitled to anything. That sounds like free for you.
Once again, you take my words and take them to the total opposite of what I said....I understand, it is easy to misunderstand written words...however, nothing here in your post was within reason, you have taken my words all of them and made it sound like I or my son was a slave...and we had no fun at all...
No, nothing in life comes for free....no matter what you do, you need to work for it....be it a swimmer, you have to attend practice and practice and do the absolute best you can...even if you don't win, but you give it your all, you are a winner. Same with homework, same with saving money, you don't have to save it all, as I used to tell my son, as long as you put something away each week, it mounts up.
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Tough love is a misnomer. Tough love is treating a loved one like an employee.
No, Tough love is once in a while, teaching a child, there are consequences for his/her actions...meaning, if you don't follow the rules, you will have to suffer being grounded, loosing something that is a material thing, or not being allowed to have the car this weekend, etc.
Tough love must be used as a tool, not an every day event....once again, you took my words and read into them something that wasn't or isn't there...
I end this with saying, why did you feel a need to become so defensive? What works for you, wouldn't work for me, and visa versa....and just b/c you feel one way about a thing, and I feel another, doesn't make you wrong or me right or visa versa? It is how we were raised...our own personal culture...
I'm guessing, anything which goes against your own personal culture, you deem as wrong? Just b/c you raise or raised your kids one way, doesn't say your wrong....but I am not wrong either, and that is the trouble with this world today...people are so unable to be aware and realize, each and everyone of us, has our own way of doing things...our own way of feeling...and we are unable to allow each other, we feel like if someone does something out side of our comfort zone, they are wrong....
and that is why, our freedoms are being taken away from us....
Kids need structure, guidence and rules...they need to be kids, but there is a time to play and a time to work, and a time to help around the house, as a family...working together to accomplish...kids also need to know, there are consequences for bad behavior, otherwise, they grow up thinking anything goes.
Kids need to have role models that follow rules...i.e. if you don't want your kid texting or talking on the phone while they are driving, then don't do it yourself. Kids need to know, how to save some money, to work for what they want, to be polite and hold the door open for others, to say thank you, and your welcome...to be aware of not only they're surroundings, but each and every individual has a privet space even when out in public, and it is impolite to talk on the phone in a restaurant, and ruin an evening for the couple sitting next to you...or text in a movie. Kids today, are not aware of the fact, while in a public place, they should be aware, of they're behavior, because what they do, how they act, and what they say, affect so many other lives around them....for that moment in time...
Why do you think Barney always talked about using an inside or outside voice?
We whispered to our parents when we were in a doctors office...and we sat in a chair and read a book, we didn't run around the office screaming and crying...people in that office were sick...and we had to respect that.
Last edited by cremebrulee; 06-06-2013 at 05:57 AM..
I know you're talking about summer jobs, but I still believe this could be helpful in addressing the attitudes here concerning high school students and employment.
The following study suggests that if your kid does work a part-time job in addition to high school, they shouldn't work more than 15 hours a week. And what is an equally curious finding, socioeconomic status can affect whether being employed during high school hurts you or helps you in terms of either grades or substance abuse. But it's not in the direction you would think...
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Socioeconomic status also affected which students were impacted by working long hours, but the relationship was the opposite. Among students of high socioeconomic status, the correlation of long hours to substance use and lower GPA was much stronger than among students of low socioeconomic status.
"Arguably, affluent kids have the least need to work during their student days," Bachman said. "When they do work, they seem to suffer more in terms of grades and substance use."
But wait... It gets better...
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However, the data showed that this wasn't true for students of all ethnicities.
"This is true for white and Asian-American students," Bachman said. "Whereas spending long hours on the job appears to be less harmful for African-American and Hispanic students."
I know you're talking about summer jobs, but I still believe this could be helpful in addressing the attitudes here concerning high school students and employment.
The following study suggests that if your kid does work a part-time job in addition to high school, they shouldn't work more than 15 hours a week. And what is an equally curious finding, socioeconomic status can affect whether being employed during high school hurts you or helps you in terms of either grades or substance abuse. But it's not in the direction you would think...
well, I suppose I can't argue the experts, but I will say this...
all of us kids who worked, were fine with our studies, and no substance abuse, nor alchole abuse, as a matter of fact, one of the kids, was given a scholarship by the Air Force Academy, and he just retired after being a commercial pilot for many years.
Another kid, went on to be an engineer...another joined special forces and now works in Washington for the CIA/FBI. Another works as a social worker, another works in the field of physcology...got her masters...I am, a secretary and have been most of my life, ready to retire...didn't go to college, but love my job...and for 13 years, I worked construction, in the field office, in charge of ordering all materials for the job, and did payroll. So, my point is, while the University of Michigan may have performed this study, I don't know why their findings are so negative...today...b/c years ago, kids that held jobs were more affluent in social interactions with adults and other kids...not to mention, all the other personality traits I've listed above.
From my point of view, it is a huge mistake to allow a kid to sit around all summer long...
but that is my point of view, and not yours...like I said, it's a whole different world out there today, and parenting is much different as well....
what do they deem as long working hours...all we did was work part time...some kids even worked as counselors at camp?
Look, I'm not saying the OP's daughter should be a slave and work ungodly long hours....what I'm saying is, she should work, learn how to save some money and buy some things for herself with her own money...I believe strongly that if a kid works for something, they appreciate it and take care of it much more then when it is handed to them like a toy...but kids do need structure, and a good solid background on life, and living it, how to schedule work time and play time...how to be productive and find great joy in pride in doing so....confidence and independence to be who they are, and not need to depend on others, but to be self sufficent.
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