Quote:
Originally Posted by spencgr
First, DO NOT attempt to brown-nose. It is a disgusting behavior and you will lose the respect of your peers.
Second, you must establish a good relationship with your manager (and anyone else you work with). I received some very helpful advice once regarding building relationships. Find at least one thing that you two have in common. This can be kids, dogs, running, born in Florida, love of penguins, love of the Penguins; essentially anything that can match you two. Next time you are in her office, look around. Can you find anything?
Once you find that thing, that is what you should lead with when starting conversations. Since you both enjoy this topic, it should be a fun, fluid, real conversation; not something a brown-noser would have. Then you can go into a work question. You will find the questions will be much better received because you've just had a brief, pleasant, "non-work" conversation.
Do not attempt to force a conversation with a topic you don't care about, but she does. (This is what brown-nosers typically do.) If you really don't care about her kids; don't ask her about them. Your feigned interest will come off as phony. You have to find something that interests you both.
When you find it, you'll find a vast improvement in the relationship.
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I agree with this.
Some people think any kind of good word or chit-chat is brown nosing. There are ways to be sociable without brown-nosing. Talking about sports is not brown nosing if you're both in to it. When someone does a project well it's ok to congratulate them, whether it's your boss or a co-worker. That's not brown nosing. Being an agreeable human being is not brown nosing.
Here's what I think of as being a good team member:
- Don't bad mouth your team or your boss. Actually, don't bad mouth anyone at all.
- Stand by your team/boss' decision. If you have a different opinion, bring it to them privately.
- Be good at your job. As part of that, don't dump your work on others.
- Don't go around your boss (unless it's an HR issue), and don't make anyone look bad.
To me, a brown noser is someone that gossips (mainly negative) about other co-workers with the boss, nods sagely and agrees with everything the boss says, and is always complimenting the boss.