Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Not a very good pick up line. And you're right, it's none of his business. But if he's going to try he at least needs to improve his game.
Unfortunately, in a job where you're dealing with the public you sometimes have to deal with such things. The key is to do it tactfully. Maybe your manager can give you some insight as to how he would prefer you to answer such questions. Although if his answer is to just tell the truth, then he is a jerk too.
You sound young OP. Not that its a bad thing necessarily. Just that you need to learn not to take such offense to it. Its tough out there being a guy and being expected to make the first move all of the time. Then you have some women saying they wish guys would approach them, but not at the grocery store, not when they're working, not at a bar when they're out with their friends. There are all of these stereotypes and differing opinions on proper social conventions that if guys listened to all of them then we wouldn't be able to EVER approach women.
Now if he decided to continue to probe you or bother you after you answered or declined to answer, then he would be crossing the line. But if he's just asking, then I see no harm. Take the compliment and respond in a way that doesn't hurt his confidence and keeps the conversation positive.
Without knowing your tone of voice, it's hard to answer. The customer was interested in you and you can't blame a guy for trying! Your exact words with a tactful smile on your face will get the message across while maintaining politeness to him, but if you reacted angrily, you might have gone too far. It's not a crime to be interested in the opposite sex, you know!
I don't understand what is going on with the culture today. Why do men have to use every opportunity to try to "pick up" girls even when they are trying to do their jobs? Guys have no respect for other guy's girlfriend or wife. They see any un-escorted female as a target of opportunity. My wife tells me the stories of guys approaching her on a daily basis. When we go out together, I go to the restroom and by the time I get back she has already been approached by some guy.
Without knowing your tone of voice, it's hard to answer. The customer was interested in you and you can't blame a guy for trying! Your exact words with a tactful smile on your face will get the message across while maintaining politeness to him, but if you reacted angrily, you might have gone too far. It's not a crime to be interested in the opposite sex, you know!
I certainly CAN blame the guy for trying. I don't care WHERE I am, I don't want some total stranger sleazing up to me with a line like that.
Get over yourselves, guys.
I would have told him it was none of his business too. As for the manager, I'd have bit my tongue - but if he can't understand that sexual harassment can come from customers also, I wouldn't be very happy with him (or her), either.
I really hate how women are continually advised to reply "I have a boyfriend" if they're not interested in a guy. What bothers me about this approach is that it implies if she didn't have a boyfriend, she would be interested.
There's also an implied element of "I am the property of another man already" that's kinda squicky.
OP, assuming your tone wasn't rude, no, I don't think you were out of line. It's inappropriate for customers to cold approach employees, IMO. The employee is placed in a very awkward situation where they cannot escape. And if they have a job that is dependent on tips or customer satisfaction surveys, they're placed in an even more uncomfortable situation.
You sound young OP. Not that its a bad thing necessarily. Just that you need to learn not to take such offense to it. Its tough out there being a guy and being expected to make the first move all of the time.
Errant nonsense. Who expects guys to "make the first move"? Especially a TOTAL STRANGER? When you are trying to do your job?
I'm pretty sure you're not talking to very many women. Or you have EXTREMELY selective hearing. It's one thing to talk about people you KNOW (I wish George at work would talk to me more, I really like him) - you'll be hard pressed to find women who wish more strangers would accost them in this way.
Even the hypothetical girl mooning after George needs to take some initiative. But as far as girls wishing strange guys would hit on them - you must know some very odd women indeed.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,068,439 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sojj
I certainly CAN blame the guy for trying. I don't care WHERE I am, I don't want some total stranger sleazing up to me with a line like that.
Get over yourselves, guys.
I would have told him it was none of his business too. As for the manager, I'd have bit my tongue - but if he can't understand that sexual harassment can come from customers also, I wouldn't be very happy with him (or her), either.
Since when is asking a woman or a man whether or not they are single, a sexual harassment? It wasn't a crude joke, no preferential treatment in exchange for sex was asked for, no intimidation was used?
I don't understand what is going on with the culture today. Why do men have to use every opportunity to try to "pick up" girls even when they are trying to do their jobs? Guys have no respect for other guy's girlfriend or wife. They see any un-escorted female as a target of opportunity. My wife tells me the stories of guys approaching her on a daily basis. When we go out together, I go to the restroom and by the time I get back she has already been approached by some guy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sojj
I certainly CAN blame the guy for trying. I don't care WHERE I am, I don't want some total stranger sleazing up to me with a line like that.
Get over yourselves, guys.
I would have told him it was none of his business too. As for the manager, I'd have bit my tongue - but if he can't understand that sexual harassment can come from customers also, I wouldn't be very happy with him (or her), either.
Errant nonsense. Who expects guys to "make the first move"? Especially a TOTAL STRANGER? When you are trying to do your job?
I'm pretty sure you're not talking to very many women. Or you have EXTREMELY selective hearing. It's one thing to talk about people you KNOW (I wish George at work would talk to me more, I really like him) - you'll be hard pressed to find women who wish more strangers would accost them in this way.
Even the hypothetical girl mooning after George needs to take some initiative. But as far as girls wishing strange guys would hit on them - you must know some very odd women indeed.
Women expect guys to make the first move! There is a slight change in culture where women are starting to become more comfortable with making the first move but the majority don't. I would guess maybe 5% of the time the woman initiates the conversation?
I actually find it inappropriate to initiate that kind of conversation with women at work. This is where your thinking, and my thinking completely differ. If its someones career on the line, it could make it VERY uncomfortable to be turned down. Even if George and hypothetical girl DO work out and are attracted to each other, there are a lot of companies who frown upon inter-office dating. Even worse, if they ever do breakup it would make the working relationship fairly hostile.
So, aside from coworkers you recommend we stick to only approaching women we know. So friends? That means I have to have friends, or friends of friends who are female. I would say this is definitely where a majority of my relationships were found. But I live in the same state I grew up and went to college in, majority of people cannot say the same. How does one who is new to a city and doesn't have any friends meet women? You're saying they have to make male friends first, who in turn have to introduce you to women for dating?
As for the bolded. I am saying women wish they could meet men. If you search through the relationship forum you will see many threads started by women asking for advice on how to meet men. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want to meet men, you have to either A) approach them, or B) be approached by them. The latter is far easier and should be preferred, however you will have to deal with men approaching you at times when it might not be ideal.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
