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I grew up dirt poor with no real family to speak of. My father is a drug dealer who was in prison probably 10-12 years (a year or two at a time) of my pre-adult life, my mother was a worthless drunk who drank herself to death when I was 12. I spent most of my childhood either in foster care or in altogether bad home environments. I don't think I ever spent more than two years at any single school growing up. I was physically and sexually abused on multiple occasions. I was even homeless as a kid for a short period. To put it in a few words, my childhood was bad.
Today I have a bachelor's degree (no loans, paid for with state scholarships given to people coming from backgrounds like mine), and I have a good job making a bit over $60k/year. (I'm 27 years old this year). It's good for my age and I've got nowhere to go but up.
I say all this not to brag, but to demonstrate that I dragged myself from the lowest, filthiest part of society and managed to turn my life into something acceptable. I had no one to give me any helping hands or to help open any doors for me. I have the life I have thanks to me, and me alone. That was to make it clear that this next bit is not coming from some self entitled trust fund kid or something.
Given my own experience, I have no patience at all with people who try to make excuses for their lives. Poverty and a broken home are no excuse for being criminals or drug addicts. Anything you think you've experienced at home, I've seen it too. You want to act like you haven't gotten anywhere because mommy and daddy didn't love you enough? You're wrong. Everything that is wrong with your life (with the exception of medical problems that you didn't cause yourself) is YOUR OWN ****ING FAULT, No one else's, and once you accept that and stop trying to shift blame to society or your friends or the 1% or whomever else, maybe you'll feel a little more motivated to do something with your lives.
If you're really trying to get and keep a job, and it isn't your own lousy work ethic or entitled attitude keeping you down, then fine, I wish you the best of luck. But if you continue to blame everyone but yourself for your own failure to be a functional member of society you will continue to be a failure.
That ended up a bit longer than I'd wanted. I'd keep going but I think (or at least hope) I've made the point I'm trying to get across. Stop blaming other people, you'll feel better for it.
Well, not everyone can overcome such a background by himself. My boyfriend, for example grew up with alcoholic parents who used to beat and emotionally abused him. At age 15, they found out he was gay and kicked him out of the house, being good christians that they are.
When I met him, he was a pleasant young man. But he had absolutely no sense of good financial decision and he had a terrible attitude toward school. I knew he was smart, but he never had any support behind him to make him feel comfy enough to not work full time and go to school. I made him a deal. Move in with me, quit his god-awful warehouse job, go to school, and I'll pay for everything else. It came up that what if we broke up half way through? He'll be out of money and no job to support himself. So part of the deal is he can stay and I will still pay for everything for as long as he needs it.
His current gpa is in the mid 3.xx. he's enjoying his classes. Studying accounting. No more bad decisions on his part.
I'm not saying this to brag. But most people can't do it on their own. That's why they need good support, like good parents or someone else who cares. With no good support, it's very likely they'll be stuck in perpetual poverty brought on by one bad decision after another.
Look, we've all gone through something devastating in our lives. I spent most of my teenage years in counseling from mentally and physically abusive step mothers. That did not stop me from becoming a productive member of society. It just forced me to approach situations differently than I was used to. I learned to step outside of my box and assess each situation before I had a knee jerk reaction. I made a choice not to turn to drugs or substances as my crutch.
I was taught that withdrawing from everything because it's too hard is a choice. You can choose to persevere or lay down. I chose the former as have thousands of other people who've had similar struggles.
Addicts have to make a choice just like we do. It's a difficult choice (probably one of the most difficult) but it's still a choice. They can choose to fight it and try to beat it or give in. I'm compassionate when it's warranted, but I'm not compassionate when I see someone who obviously is looking for attention, and not actually putting forth the effort to better their situation.
How do you think you would have done had you not been in counseling or had anyone to teach you? I had to deal with a number of extreme situations without the benefit of counseling, even after a suicide attempt because the psychic pain was too much for me to bear any longer. My mother just wanted to forget the whole thing--called it my "stunt". I had to pick up the pieces on my own, deciding that I was even a failure at suicide. Now that she is 80, she regrets the selfish choices she made as a mother, but as she has never been depressed herself, she just doesn't understand hopelessness. Again, you were lucky that you had a family that provided counseling and advice.
I call BS on this one. The point about not handling everything the same way is not a good excuse. There is a way to handle the situation. The way you handle the situation is by working hard and taking advantage of EARNED scholarships (if someone in this situation doesn't earn a scholarship I don't know who does). As far as chances and connections, no, not everyone has the same ones as the OP. That's why you get off your butt and MAKE connections and FIND these chances. This post is not arrogance at all. It's telling like it is and not sugarcoating it with a bunch of bleeding heart PC crap.
And enough with the My Little Pony. This has nothing to do with the conversation, it was just someone dredging up a different post so he/she could find something to complain about.
The scholarships weren't EARNED. Not in sense that they were based on hard work and good grades.
They were GIVEN to the OP due to their background, they weren't based on merit.
The fact that the OP can't recognize that if they weren't handed a free pass to college, they wouldn't be were they are, and should be grateful to those who laid out the money.
The scholarships weren't EARNED. Not in sense that they were based on hard work and good grades.
They were GIVEN to the OP due to their background, they weren't based on merit.
The fact that the OP can't recognize that if they weren't handed a free pass to college, they wouldn't be were they are, and should be grateful to those who laid out the money.
That is where the arrogance comes in.
Regardless of that aspect, the fact remains the OP took advantage of the opportunity instead of whining and making excuses, something a lot of people could learn from.
This sounds like an excuse to me. Figure out the triggers and how you are going to [s]avoid or[/s] deal with them.
corrected the statement because there are many cases that a people can't "avoid" triggers.Think about a rape victim for a second. We all know that in a court of law, some feel re-victimized and for some they don't press charges because of it to avoid bringing it back up. Then there are also some who are able to actually live normal lives until someone looks or does something to remind them of their attacker or the rape. For argument sake, it's not a perceived issue that the rape victim thinks everyone is their attacker that we hear about sometimes. It is unintentional and a complete coincidence that a different person reminds them of the attacker. They just walk past the right person at the right time. Also, does every movie with a rape or attempted rape announce that they have a rape scene in a movie? No, often it is not even in the trailers or any type of review. The only way you do is if you know from source material. For instance, if I didn't read about half of the Watchmen graphic novel before seeing in the film of the same name, I wouldn't know that The Comedian tried to rape the original Silk Specter in the movie when I first saw it.
Knowing your triggers is one thing, avoiding is quite the opposite because often times it is unavoidable so I would argue the only thing they have control over in a good number of cases is dealing with it whether it is professional help, para-professional help, support groups or friends and family member. And some don't even have those support systems if they don't have friends and family members or friends and family members they can confide in that way and don't have access to other support groups.
Regardless of that aspect, the fact remains the OP took advantage of the opportunity instead of whining and making excuses, something a lot of people could learn from.
The OP said they did it "on their own" which is a flat-out lie based on scholarships are money given out based on need or scholastic ability. I am willing to guess there was a mixture of both in this one. I agree the OP didn't whine or make excuses, however they basically said what you shouldn't say to a TRUE victim (not the fake ones we rag on here about) and that is if you can't get over it, you are the problem. Anyone that is at least a para-professional at offering help knows that you can't say you are the problem if you can't get over it is re-victimization and will cause people to clam up and not seek help. Help isn't supposed to be judgmental (like the OP was) and more subjective based on the specific individual case.
Regardless of that aspect, the fact remains the OP took advantage of the opportunity instead of whining and making excuses, something a lot of people could learn from.
No, not regardless. The OP should acknowledge they were given a hand up(notice I said not a hand out), and that without that hand up they wouldn't have gotten where they were.
And since someone helped them out, how about now paying it forward?
But at least acknowledge the help given, it was not done on his own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkpunk
The OP said they did it "on their own" which is a flat-out lie based on scholarships are money given out based on need or scholastic ability. I am willing to guess there was a mixture of both in this one. I agree the OP didn't whine or make excuses, however they basically said what you shouldn't say to a TRUE victim (not the fake ones we rag on here about) and that is if you can't get over it, you are the problem. Anyone that is at least a para-professional at offering help knows that you can't say you are the problem if you can't get over it is re-victimization and will cause people to clam up and not seek help. Help isn't supposed to be judgmental (like the OP was) and more subjective based on the specific individual case.
Exactly. Doing it "on their own" means you paid your own freight.
I know two people who worked two jobs while attending school part time with no financial aid, no loans, and no scholarships. It took them much longer, but they got their degrees.
That is really doing it "on their own".
The OP got a free ride. And it doesn't sound like it was based on scholastic ability, but financial need.
The scholarships weren't EARNED. Not in sense that they were based on hard work and good grades.
They were GIVEN to the OP due to their background, they weren't based on merit.
The fact that the OP can't recognize that if they weren't handed a free pass to college, they wouldn't be were they are, and should be grateful to those who laid out the money.
That is where the arrogance comes in.
Hopefully those kinds of scholarships are only awarded to people with decent merit. I'm always concerned when states are funding students with 3.5 GPAs. The funds can be more effective by going to students with good merit which also happen to have troubling backgrounds.
You can be a so called "productive member" of society and still be a mental case. Does that mean you are a success? Depends on what success means to you. Just ask Bernie Madof-who is doing time – a lot of time, 150-years to be exact – for defrauding and embezzling his clients' cash or Enron and HealthSouth executives who are also members of Club Fed in facilities all over the the country.
Some defrauded financial institutions. Others pocketed company funds. And still others preyed on individuals, robbing them of their life savings.
The criminologist Edwin Sutherland defined white-collar crime as "a crime committed by a person of respectability and high social status in the course of his occupation."
A perfect picture of success on the outside does not equate to a perfect picture of success on the inside, in fact it is sometimes a mask to cover the ugly truth that lurks beneath the surface.
Bottom line OP and other's, you are no better than the next person on City Data so hop off your soap box.
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