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I spent four years unemployed as a stay at home mom. A few weeks ago, I started working again. I have a 45 minute commute each way, and my kids (4 & 2) are in daycare 7am-520pm M-F. But it is a well-paid government job with full benefits, pension, holiday. And the job itself, is really good (great boss, great, coworkers, nice work).
Do you think this is just a normal adjustment period? I barely see them during the week but I can't move closer (I can SEE my office tower from home but it is just traffic downtown, I drive to the metro to save time).
It's probably the usual adjustment period for both the children and mom. I'm guessing you're keeping a closer eye on them than usual and they're adjusting.
The stress of having no job with little ones at home is greater than the stress of having a job and watching your kids go through the adjustment period. Give them, and yourself, time to get used to things. Make weekends extra fun and extra special instead of falling into the trap of housecleaning for four hours and running errands for two, then making dinner and then having an hour with them before bath and bedtime. Easier said than done, I know, but if you make it a goal and work towards that, you'll feel better about things.
They'll adjust. They'll be in school soon enough anyway.
I would hate the commute time, personally. Is there anything you can do to cut down on that? Maybe different mode of transportation, car pooling with a coworker, etc? Just throwing out ideas. Spending an hour and a half every day commuting sounds like hell to me.
Children are more important than jobs, IMO. It sounds as if you have a working husband. If you just absolutely cannot make it without working, well, that's one thing. But if you can stay home and have less, but enough, the time spent being with and taking care of your kids (especially at 2 and 4) is priceless.
You can work when they get older. And yes, children do "adjust" to being raised by someone other than their mother...but that doesn't mean it's a good thing.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aliss2
I spent four years unemployed as a stay at home mom. A few weeks ago, I started working again. I have a 45 minute commute each way, and my kids (4 & 2) are in daycare 7am-520pm M-F. But it is a well-paid government job with full benefits, pension, holiday. And the job itself, is really good (great boss, great, coworkers, nice work).
Do you think this is just a normal adjustment period? I barely see them during the week but I can't move closer (I can SEE my office tower from home but it is just traffic downtown, I drive to the metro to save time).
Ugh this sucks....
Normal adjustment period definitely. My mom had an extended period of underemployment mixed with unemployment after retiring from the military and she felt the same way you did. It is tough but you adapt due to lack of choice (especially in mine since I lived in a single parent home.)
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Yes, it's lot harder on the kids when they are used to you being there for 2-4 years, but they will adapt. I would think that it's harder for you than them. It's too bad you couldn't wait until they both had started school but keep in mind that your kids have had the advantage of far more of your quality time than most kids at that age with both parents working from the start. You should not feel guilty, and make sure to keep pictures of them at your desk so you don't miss them so much, and make the most of the time you do get with them in the evening.
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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I'm a mother to three. My kids are almost always grown. I've worked f/t, stayed home f/t, and worked from home over the years. The most important thing you can give your kids is quality time. Just because you're at home all the time doesn't mean you're actually present for your kids. Alternatively, even if you work long days, you can still be there for your kids.
It's interesting because my mom and grandmother stayed home, but they definitely didn't spend a lot of time with the kids. We were always sent outside to play, to do chores, etc. Now, however, it seems like mothers are expected to amuse and dote on their kids.
I think giving up a good paying job with benefits is a risky thing to do. At any rate, I would give the situation 6 months and re-evaluate. Also, the children's father should definitely be included in this conversation. He has a responsibility to them, too.
I'd worry a little more about the commute time. I am assuming you are partnered. Is your partner working closer to the day care, or are both of you 45 minutes away? Are you thr primary caregiver or is your partner?
I do not have kids, and my mom stayed home well into my preteen years. But in my experience personally and professionally, moms (or the primary care giver) tend to stress out a lot more if they can't get "home" to their kid within about 15 minutes. In face if ine oarent isnt available to do that it leads to turnover. I have lost many excellent colleagues over the years to this, and my parent friends all plan life/work/daycare around this 15 minute window.
There is definitely an adjustment period, but do not discount proximity too.
Unfortunately, they will become just like everybody else's children - too busy, as they grow, to be close to you. And they grow awfully fast. You do have a dilemma here. My fear for you, after providing all the "stuff" for them that you'll be able to afford now, is that you'll find yourself sitting at home all alone one day, wondering what happened. We can never turn back the clock.
Unfortunately, they will become just like everybody else's children - too busy, as they grow, to be close to you. And they grow awfully fast. You do have a dilemma here. My fear for you, after providing all the "stuff" for them that you'll be able to afford now, is that you'll find yourself sitting at home all alone one day, wondering what happened. We can never turn back the clock.
^^^Yep.
One regret I will not have on my deathbed is that I didn't spend enough time with my children when they were growing up. Yes, it's tiring and yes, sometimes it's boring (but aren't all jobs like that?), but it was more rewarding than tiring or boring, especially now that they are grown. Children's lives are worth SO much more than material things.
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