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Old 10-31-2014, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
9,809 posts, read 15,908,134 times
Reputation: 6215

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Workplace romances often lead to disaster for both parties although, in reality, that is where many couples meet. Your friend needs to tell Ms Crush that she needs to figure out how to get the gentleman's attention in other ways.

My concern is that the object of Ms Crush's attention may already be spoken for, particularly if he is from a SE Asian country.
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Old 10-31-2014, 02:04 PM
 
Location: South-Western USA , desert
440 posts, read 329,249 times
Reputation: 557
Your friend needs to learn how to be Assertive with a capital A.

Have no discussion & make no conversation about it.

Simply say "No."

And, every time the 'crusher' brings the subject up again, *ignore* her totally.

She is acting like an immature child, so she apparently needs to be viewed as one.


Telling the girl:

"I am here to work . . . not to socialize, not to help you socialize, and, not to discuss socializing."

would not be out of line . . . and . . . saying it while going about her job --without making eye contact-- will display that she means it, without seeming confrontational or aggressive.

From then on, only acknowledge this girl regarding legitimate work matters. (unfortunately, she's behaving like a dog that doesn't know better when to stop an undesirable behavior. Ignoring them totally as soon as they begin to repeat it, is often the technique that works best!)


Also, asking 'the crusher' if she really thinks that any man would be interested in a woman who won't speak for herself, might start her thinking . . . maybe.

IF this girl should complain in future about your friend being cold or unfriendly, that will be our friend's opportunity to explain the situation tactfully to whichever 'superior' speaks with her about it.
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Old 10-31-2014, 02:16 PM
mzd
 
419 posts, read 723,448 times
Reputation: 927
The Dr from China wants a ticket to stay in the US permanently.
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Old 10-31-2014, 02:31 PM
 
1,140 posts, read 980,721 times
Reputation: 2139
Workplace relationship? Beyond bad idea. Why the hell would she date her boss?
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,459 posts, read 1,444,568 times
Reputation: 1373
Lots of issues here.

1. Dating a coworker is usually problematic (depends a bit on the situation, but I don't recommend it), dating a boss is almost always bad, bad, bad.
2. What is this, high school? Can't she just handle this herself?
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
4,910 posts, read 4,215,871 times
Reputation: 16316
Tell your friend that "No" is a complete sentence. It's just that simple. This co-worker is not being a friend to your friend. A friend would not expect someone to embarrass themselves in front of their boss this way. If the co-worker keeps bugging her about it, she needs to tell her the subject is closed and refuse to reply when she brings it up. She can just repeat "I've told you that I will not be involved in this and that answer is final". I know that your friend doesn't want to involve HR, so perhaps she can inform her co-worker that if she continues to bother her about this (and USE the word "BOTHER") than she will be forced to speak to the co-worker's superior. If she won't do that, she may have to ask to have her desk moved to another area because of personal conflicts and ask to be seated away from this person.
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Saint Paul, MN
1,365 posts, read 1,342,260 times
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It seems both of the players here need to learn to be more assertive. I agree with everyone above who had pointed out that all your friend needs to do is just say no. No drama, no hysterics about losing her job. Just "I'm sorry, I am not comfortable being involved in your personal life like that." Repeat as necessary. Of course the coworker shouldn't be asking in the first place, but your friend only has control over one person --herself. No lectures, no silent treatment, no hostility. "I'm sorry, I am not comfortable being involved in your personal life like that." Period. The end.

Now on to the subject of dating people at work. A number of the comments seem to have missed the fact that Hottie Doc is not Crush Lady's boss, and in fact the two are on relatively equal footing. Of course workplace romances have a potential for ending in unpleasant ways, but that does not mean that they should be across-the-board verboten. A 2012 study found that 22% of new marriages began at work. It makes sense that the people with whom we spend by far the most of our waking hours, who are highly likely to share our interests since we are in the same field, would be a natural choice for romantic partners.
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,459 posts, read 1,444,568 times
Reputation: 1373
Quote:
Originally Posted by StPaulGal View Post
It seems both of the players here need to learn to be more assertive. I agree with everyone above who had pointed out that all your friend needs to do is just say no. No drama, no hysterics about losing her job. Just "I'm sorry, I am not comfortable being involved in your personal life like that." Repeat as necessary. Of course the coworker shouldn't be asking in the first place, but your friend only has control over one person --herself. No lectures, no silent treatment, no hostility. "I'm sorry, I am not comfortable being involved in your personal life like that." Period. The end.

Now on to the subject of dating people at work. A number of the comments seem to have missed the fact that Hottie Doc is not Crush Lady's boss, and in fact the two are on relatively equal footing. Of course workplace romances have a potential for ending in unpleasant ways, but that does not mean that they should be across-the-board verboten. A 2012 study found that 22% of new marriages began at work. It makes sense that the people with whom we spend by far the most of our waking hours, who are highly likely to share our interests since we are in the same field, would be a natural choice for romantic partners.
Before I reconnected with my husband (we dated in HS, broke up, got back together years later, got married), I was interested in a guy at work.

I actually talked to my manager about it after this guy and I had gone out a couple times. We were in different departments at the time.

She said "well, it's not against policy. I should recommend you not date him, but since I met my husband at work, I'd be a hypocrite to say that. So, date him, stay professional at work, and don't be stupid."

We broke up after a year, but not due to anything work related, after I'd already left that job and started working somewhere else.
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Old 10-31-2014, 03:59 PM
 
820 posts, read 939,598 times
Reputation: 1166
What the hell did I just read?
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Old 10-31-2014, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles County
11,066 posts, read 8,991,849 times
Reputation: 29012
Quote:
Originally Posted by sjdemak View Post
What the hell did I just read?
Awkward Situation At Work !! Please advise
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