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So I work in retail, and my company recently moved me to a new store location, so now I have to work with new people. So the majority of the staff is comprised of women, and today was my second day there, and they all try to approach me and initiate conversation with me, but I give them short responses and don't really give them attention. Then they ask me to hang out with them and I tell them that I don't want to socialize, and they tell me "We just want you to like us." The reason I'm so distant with these people is because I don't want to get close to them. Being distant allows me to put up a wall and prevent myself from getting hurt and I don't see why they want to hang out with me anyway. I can be a fun person, but I don't think I can be myself around them. Problem is, they are nice people and I don't want to come off as a douche and make them think I don't like them. I have no problem with them, I just don't know them and don't want to get close to them.
I was particularly distant towards one of the girls because I think I may like her. I met her for the first time today, but I knew who she was prior to meeting her because she is friends with my best-friend. So perhaps I felt threatened by the fact that she is in a relationship, and me having these unwanted "feelings" for her has caused me to want to shut her out and not want to talk to her. I guess in a way it allows me to feel in control. I don't want to feel below her. So by shutting her out I can kind of "cope" with it? This is a very bizarre situation.
So I work in retail, and my company recently moved me to a new store location, so now I have to work with new people. So the majority of the staff is comprised of women, and today was my second day there, and they all try to approach me and initiate conversation with me, but I give them short responses and don't really give them attention. Then they ask me to hang out with them and I tell them that I don't want to socialize, and they tell me "We just want you to like us." The reason I'm so distant with these people is because I don't want to get close to them. Being distant allows me to put up a wall and prevent myself from getting hurt and I don't see why they want to hang out with me anyway. I can be a fun person, but I don't think I can be myself around them. Problem is, they are nice people and I don't want to come off as a douche and make them think I don't like them. I have no problem with them, I just don't know them and don't want to get close to them. I don't know what else to say..
Too late to be thinking about that one.
Why not be cordial and tell them you don't socialize outside of business hours with those you work with?
Why not be cordial and tell them you don't socialize outside of business hours with those you work with?
The thing is, I socialize and am close with my co-workers at the store I previously worked at. But since moving to this new store and having to work with these new people, I'm not opening up to them the way I opened up with my previous co-workers. Maybe I feel threatened by these new people. I just don't know.
I don't think it's a question of feeling threatened, I think you are just not comfortable in a new store yet. It takes time to feel comfortable at work and get used to being around new people.
I socialize with my co workers all the time. We have a soccer team, a ski team and a softball team and we play against teams from other cities or other airlines. Sometimes we will go out for a drink after work, or have picnics or Bbq's.
I like the people I work with enjoy socializing with them.
the thing is well your getting used to a new environment and you are feeling uneasy... even though your not "new" to the job , you are still new and it takes time to adjust to the new surroundings, people, etc
those people "being nice" were just going through the obligatory motions that you would do to welcome a new person
it's weird for everybody, just give it some time
back in the day when i worked retail i remember when new people would come in for some reason they felt the need to talk to me when there are 30-40 other people you can flock to, and sometimes because i was dumbfounded to why people kept talking to me like they knew me i would come off as an a-hole, but a few weeks later or whenever everything was all good
I socialize with my co workers all the time. We have a soccer team, a ski team and a softball team and we play against teams from other cities or other airlines. Sometimes we will go out for a drink after work, or have picnics or Bbq's.
I like the people I work with enjoy socializing with them.
I don't blame you, I'm the same way. Nothing good can come out of getting too chummy with people you must remain professional with.
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