Need Help - Coworker mood swings (employees, job, paid, interest)
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I need help. A little background: I work in a small team of 4 other women. I am not a woman who gets close to other women very easily. I'm not married and do not have kids, so I'm the oddball one in the group. On top of that, I'm a little bit eccentric and don't have the typical interests of modern women such as clothing, nails and keeping a man. I follow my own drum beat, so to speak. Consequently, I don't relate much to other women. In the workplace, I tend to have to work extremely hard to get along with other women. I find myself being forced to ingratiate myself with most of them. It's more about ME trying to cater to them rather than vice versa. None of them have every shown much interest in me or my life at all. Basically they ignore me, unless they need me to do something for them.
Since I do find relationships with other women so difficult, I became pleasantly surprised and delighted when one of the women on the team seemed to like me and we started to develop a bit of a friendship. She started confiding some very deep personal stuff to me and I confided some things to her too. We enjoyed laughing together and developed a bond because the two of us have similar work styles.
The problem is that there have been a few incidents where I've come into work and this woman was extremely cold towards me for no reason. She ignored me for entire days at a stretch and a couple of times I would see glares on her face, yet she would be nicey-nice with the other women. I know in my heart I didn't do anything to this woman. At first, when these incidents started to happen (perhaps once every few weeks), I asked her about it and she would say she was busy or having a hard time at home or with the job stress, and then she would inexplicably swing back to being ultra-friendly with me. Sometimes it felt like whiplash. I would come into work one day and she would be giving me the cold shoulder treatment and the next day she would be asking me to go for a walk with her to tell me some deep dark secret going on in her personal life, then a week later would come the cold shoulder treatment again. Sometimes she complains about the other 2 women on the team but then acts nice to them and mean to me, even though I'm the only one who really bails her out and helps her when she's overworked. The others don't. I don't get it.
I know this woman has some mental health issues because she confided that to me, and I tried to be understanding of that. But her latest "incident" affected me so badly that I'm not willing to put my trust in her "friendship" anymore and I'm going to start keeping a distance. I'm not willing to be her little confidante one day and listen to all of her troubles and then the next day be treated like I don't exist. I cannot mentally handle her ups and downs anymore. I have to work with her but I will keep a distance.
I have been in a similar situation. I don't have many close friends and welcomed the work friendship, until she started to act 'distant' After working with her for a couple of years and seeing her instant changes of mood (our cubicles are right next to each other), she will go from extremely cheerful to full on banchee in a matter of minutes...I'm convinced she's bipolar. I keep my distance now. We chit chat here & there but nothing more.
I suggest you keep your distance and don't confide personal info to her. If she volunteers personal info to you, try to ignore it.
It took me awhile to figure out what was going on with her so now I'll keep my distance. I enjoyed feeling like her special friend for awhile...felt flattered when she paid me attention, since many of the other women don't. I'm kind of a loner. I come in, work very hard, and go home, don't party hardy with them, for many years I was preoccupied with my elderly parent's decline and I just didn't have energy for the office drama. Part of it is that I'm older than most of the other women.
There are some other dynamics. For instance, she seems to be nicey-nice with one of the other women who is one of the laziest and worst employees I've ever worked with. However, she complains about her a lot, and there was an issue with the woman and the woman went to the manager and complained about us behind our backs. So I was done with her at that point and I assumed my coworker was also done with her. I feel betrayed that she is willing to be forgiving and friendly with someone who causes nothing but trouble in the team but is cold and uncaring towards me for no reason whatsoever. It is really a big mystery.
I know if I asked her about her behavior she would only be defensive and deny it and then toss it back on me. It's not really worth getting into it with her.
Go to work to work, not make friends. Her behavior, if it's not directly related to your ability to do your work shouldn't be a topic of discussion. Don't engage in gossip, if they're gossiping with you, they're probably gossiping about you as well.
Your private life is where you make friends, not your job.
If you are lonely, try meetup.com, it's a great site to make friends. I joined a book club when I moved to a new state through meetup, I made tons of great friends. My friend joined a running club and actually ended up meeting her fiance through there, so many people I know love meetup.com.
But definitely keep a distance, you don't divulge things you wouldn't want people to know!
Go to work to work, not make friends. Her behavior, if it's not directly related to your ability to do your work shouldn't be a topic of discussion. Don't engage in gossip, if they're gossiping with you, they're probably gossiping about you as well.
Your private life is where you make friends, not your job.
It's kind of hard not to build friendships at a place where you are at 40 hours a week
I don't agree with the comments about going to work to only work - one of my best friends that I think the world of I met at work, and same with a few others. However this woman doesn't seem to be worth it. I agree with keeping your distance from her and staying out of her life...just interact with her for work only. I can't stand moody people who take out whatever is going on in their heads on people who don't deserve it. It is nice having work friends, but only when they are good people.
It's kind of hard not to build friendships at a place where you are at 40 hours a week
Not it's not. I'm here 40 hours a week and there isn't one person in this office that is involved in my private life to the point of friendship. We come in, we may throw a joke here and there and at the end of the day, we all go our separate ways to deal with our friends and families.
I will say though, working here is EXTREMELY peaceful. There is just about no drama and if there is drama, it's work related drama.
Not it's not. I'm here 40 hours a week and there isn't one person in this office that is involved in my private life to the point of friendship. We come in, we may throw a joke here and there and at the end of the day, we all go our separate ways to deal with our friends and families.
I will say though, working here is EXTREMELY peaceful. There is just about no drama and if there is drama, it's work related drama.
Ok are you atleast social? Because if not then you would look kind of odd to everyone. Not saying you have to see them after work but to go to work everyday and not socialize and just work is wacky
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