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I wouldn't take it to HR yet. I think MPowering nailed it. Many to,es people joke around and tease, not realizing they are hurting you.
I dealt with this in high school, the skinny red head everyone made fun of. I started giving it back, and became great friends to this day with the same people.
Do you have someone you trust you can talk to in the work environment? Get an objective view?
You will only get respect if you demand it through your work ethic. So you are saying out loud you are sick at work? Maybe they think you are a ninny. Start acting like a man, and not like a girl.
Really??
Maybe if people stopped attributing whiny ("ninny") traits to women, and "tough" traits to men, the gender-related issues would improve in workplaces. How about just telling her to act like a tough WOMAN, instead of contributing to this kind of sexist behavior? And while it's a tad hypocritical of me to say so, if we're going to gender-specify these traits, I'd say it's usually the men who cannot handle being sick/injured. Amiright?
FYI: I'm a woman who "sucks it up" and doesn't even use sick leave when I should; in fact, my (female) supervisor recently called me out for that, when I didn't take time off for a Shingles outbreak & only one day off for bronchitis. She was like "You have sick leave for a reason, so use it dammit!" Anyway, this might not be very helpful to the OP, but I couldn't ignore your offensive comment. Whether you meant it that way or not, something had to be said.
First, have a private conversation with your manager about your discomfort of your current environment and if he attempts to gaslight your observations - call him out on it and go to HR. I have been a female in technology for years and you do not have to accept this behavior or 'be more sassy' or 'grow a thicker skin' or accept it 'as the nature of the beast'. Be you and directly communicate what you have a problem with and how you would like it to change. Again, DO NOT allow him to get away with gaslighting your claims and involve HR if necessary.
Rarely have I ever seen worse examples of "helpful advice" than on this thread. Gender bias in the IT field is a very real thing.
Protect yourself. Do it now.
1 Make a log of all incidents. Stop reading this thread and write down everything you can recall about every incident that happened. Dates, times and players
2. File a formal EEO complaint with your HR department. Don't just discuss it . Write it up and officially file it. Detail point by point, incident by incident what happened. Doing so affords you some degree of legal protection and/or legal recourse. If you don't write it down and file it - it never happened.
3. The very next time anything like this happens again - calmly and clearly express your dissatisfaction with the remarks and indicate you you would prefer to not hear it again. Ask if they understood your request. Remain calm. Remain perfectly clear. Did I mention documenting?
4. Consider strongly filing a discrimination complaint with your State EEO office
Best case - it all ends. Worst case you get fired and in three or four years down the road you get five times what you would have earned at that s-hole of a company for that same time period in your your lawsuit.
4a. Use the phrase "hostile workplace environment" at some point in your conversation with HR. Sprinkle liberally with "protected class"
HR may tell you you do not need to file anything formal. Do it anyway.
Take the right steps and it's a win-win for you . Do things "their way" and you get fired and nothing you can do about it. Best defense is a very strong offense here.
Hostile work environments or workplace bullying are usually the result of pi$$ poor management. Either this situation has been brought to their attention before, and they still have not addressed it, or....they don't care.
OP guys are like this. If they didn't like you and feel comfortable around you then they probably wouldn't make fun of you. But since it bothers you, the way to stop it is to talk to each of them privately and get them to agree not to do XYZ.
When they start to tease you then you can also try training them. Don't get mad or laugh. Ignore them and become silent, if possible even get up and leave or leave the room. After a while they'll get the picture that their behavior is not getting them any results.
Whatever you do though, don't let anything interfere with your earning power. Men can be really cutthroat when it comes to money and promotions at work. I'm saying this even though I'd rather 100% work in an office full of men than with women. Watch your back and honestly don't take this so hard.
This kind of situation is quickly on the rise with the economy and job situation and people being literally stuck in jobs they can't stand. Gone are the days when one could quit a job one day and have a new one the next day.
I don't think the OP should try to shoot back at them with comebacks. I don't think it'll work for her...it's just not in her and not part of her personality. I know of workplaces where women are teased and they are fine with it, think it's fun/funny, and perfectly fine with comebacks. MY wife would be fine with it. But, that's not who the OP is, which is perfectly fine too.
It's hard because we can't really tell if this is bullying/harassment or just an ample amount of teasing, comraderie, bonding. So I don't know if it's appropriate to blame the guys. And yeah, it would be good info to know if they rip at themselves too - I'm guessing yes but not as much because it's more fun to go at the OP because they get a rise out of her.
What we do know is that the OP is troubled by it so even if it is bonding or whatever, it should stop. Basically, OP should probably talk to her manager in a calm and sensible way and tell him that although it may be just teasing and bonding, she just doesn't get it and it feels hurtful and that she would like it to stop, then follow up with a thank you email for his support (save that email). The manager will likely respond to that. Sure, he'll think she's a sour killjoy club ninny at first but that'll pass in a couple of weeks.
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