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I don't understand why people split the check equally or why anyone would agree to this? Seriously, even if you suck at math everyone has a calculator right on their phone! It's pretty tacky to expect a friend or coworker who ordered an $8 salad to fork over money for your drinks, cheesecake, pitcher of beer, etc. I really hate when people do this regardless of how much money I have. I'm really thankful I don't run into this very often. It really annoys me!
I don't understand why people split the check equally or why anyone would agree to this? Seriously, even if you suck at math everyone has a calculator right on their phone! It's pretty tacky to expect a friend or coworker who ordered an $8 salad to fork over money for your drinks, cheesecake, pitcher of beer, etc. I really hate when people do this regardless of how much money I have. I'm really thankful I don't run into this very often. It really annoys me!
Because the people who suggest it are typically the people who order more, who drink, who thinks everyone should share. They are not typically someone who watches every penny - though they are probably someone who should. They've never been on the receiving end of the "I only have $15 and have to pay how much?!" They will also be the same one to loudly say what a party pooper you are, or not a team player, when you ask for a separate check because you ordered based on your own budget and/or dietary needs. And most of the time, they benefit greatly by splitting the check as they end up paying less than they would have. Bet you they don't even notice the person ordering salad and water, and eating the free bread.
They're usually the same person that when is invited out to eat on the company dime, will order the most expensive thing on the menu. Not because they like it, but because they feel the boss is paying and boy is the boss going to pay! No lie, I've met a couple of people like this in my work life. I find them to be not very nice people in general.
I always order something small no matter who's paying. I just don't eat much in one sitting. A few weeks ago at work I went to get a sandwich which was crazy expensive but supposedly out of this world (and it was). One of the girls working with me wanted one but didn't have any cash. It was so big I gave her half and was glad I was able to do so that day, because I've had friends do the same for me over the years.
Earlier this winter a friend sent me a message saying a few people were getting together for his birthday. I accepted with some nervousness as he was the one inviting me and it was tacky for me to ask what the arrangements would me. I checked out the menu ahead of time and ordered what I felt I could afford with a little left over for him. When I left along with another guest, we tried to get the waitress to bring our checks but they never showed up. So we left more than enough to cover our food and tip along with extra to put towards what he bought (the other girl wasn't sure what was happening either). Had this been a few years ago, I would have told him I couldn't make it but it would have been for financial reasons.
People who've never had to worry about money (or who spend without caring) really don't get this.
Because the people who suggest it are typically the people who order more, who drink, who thinks everyone should share. They are not typically someone who watches every penny - though they are probably someone who should. They've never been on the receiving end of the "I only have $15 and have to pay how much?!" They will also be the same one to loudly say what a party pooper you are, or not a team player, when you ask for a separate check because you ordered based on your own budget and/or dietary needs. And most of the time, they benefit greatly by splitting the check as they end up paying less than they would have. Bet you they don't even notice the person ordering salad and water, and eating the free bread.
They're usually the same person that when is invited out to eat on the company dime, will order the most expensive thing on the menu. Not because they like it, but because they feel the boss is paying and boy is the boss going to pay! No lie, I've met a couple of people like this in my work life. I find them to be not very nice people in general.
I always order something small no matter who's paying. I just don't eat much in one sitting. A few weeks ago at work I went to get a sandwich which was crazy expensive but supposedly out of this world (and it was). One of the girls working with me wanted one but didn't have any cash. It was so big I gave her half and was glad I was able to do so that day, because I've had friends do the same for me over the years.
Earlier this winter a friend sent me a message saying a few people were getting together for his birthday. I accepted with some nervousness as he was the one inviting me and it was tacky for me to ask what the arrangements would me. I checked out the menu ahead of time and ordered what I felt I could afford with a little left over for him. When I left along with another guest, we tried to get the waitress to bring our checks but they never showed up. So we left more than enough to cover our food and tip along with extra to put towards what he bought (the other girl wasn't sure what was happening either). Had this been a few years ago, I would have told him I couldn't make it but it would have been for financial reasons.
People who've never had to worry about money (or who spend without caring) really don't get this.
True. When I was a kid and my friends' parents would sometimes take me out to eat (and vice versa). Anyway, way back then, she taught me to order something the same price as my friends', or cheaper. IE, if they're getting a kid's meal, don't order the rack of ribs. Anyway, that's always stuck with me haha.
I work in the healthcare field. In my particular department, the salaries, among the employees, range from 30k to 110k. We often have small parties, office celebrations, or go out to lunch together. Most recently, one of our coworkers began complaining about our choice of restaurants- stating she was 'broke' and is very unhappy about being "shut out" of our get togethers. We try to keep things reasonable but if we bent to her every complaint, we'd eat at McDonald's everyday. Next Thursday, another coworker is celebrating his birthday. He gets choice of where he wants to eat- guess what? Here she is, complaining again! I'm beginning to get annoyed by it all. No one's forced to participate but should we feel bad that she can't afford to go?
IDK . . . I once gave a co-worker/friend i liked a check for $500. I made more than her and she had 2 kids, a mortgage, etc. Yes, those were her "choices" and had less savings because of that. However, i was in a position to give it to her at the time and i know she put it to good use and i appreciated her as a person.
The nice "side effect" is that she stopped talking about how broke she was.
Maybe you guys could ask her if you should start a collection or something? She would likely say "no" and then every time she brings it up, offer it again until she accepts or starts to feel bad for complaining.
OR, you could similarly ask her if she wants help in "financial planning" and that might get her to quiet down about her finances.
Honestly, if i made 100k and my co-worker made 30k, i would probably pay for her food *if* i really wanted her company at such events. Not because you *have to* but because you enjoy her company.
I never liked doing work lunches anyways. I don't want to know about their lives as I keep work from personal separate. then again im the guy who will do whatever to move up but trying to do it as discretely as possible as as minimal of hanging out with these folks as possible.
this co worker of yours pretty much screams "I don't have friends outside of this workplace so don't toss me aside" shes trying to keep up with the jonses but unlike most is being vocal about not affording it (or maybe not willing to slap it on her CC and get into more debt like most folks)
this co worker of yours pretty much screams "I don't have friends outside of this workplace so don't toss me aside" shes trying to keep up with the jonses but unlike most is being vocal about not affording it
Or this co-worker feels that those who attend the get togethers are networking and leveraging and quite possibly will be moving up faster in the company, or any number of career related reasons.
She is flat out stating she wants to participate but can't due to the cost. It doesn't matter if she's caring for a dying parent or spending every extra cent on new shoes, makes a lower salary or any other reason - the point is that she is being excluded and it would be a simple matter to plan things that everyone who wanted to attend could.
I don't see it as her being selfish as some have stated, the ones who won't change because they want what they want and screw it if someone else can't do it because I can so nyah nyah nyah - that is the selfish childish part. If I know something I am doing is hurting someone, I'd be a douchebag to keep doing that without at least trying to rectify it.
Personally, I don't have the time or inclination for these types of games and power plays, but I do understand how and why someone would feel excluded, especially when the have made it clear what the problem is and everyone else keeps doing what they want regardless.
I'm not sure how a therapist is missing this, I thought the point of being one was to understand where others are coming from and help them work on solutions, but OP apparently doesn't think the co worker is important enough to at least try to find a resolution. ?!? Then again, I'm just a regular joe and my experiences are based on what life taught me, not what I learned in a classroom or books.
Therapists operate in truth and the truth is, class envy is ugly. I'm not sure why that should be an okay thing. When I had 2 pennies to rub, I didn't expect to drive a brand new car, eat lobster and steak every day. I certainly didn't cry foul if others didn't come to my rescue. Even now, it would be ridiculous (for me) to spend what I don't have, if I can't do it, then I don't. That's much healthier than the alternative.
Wow.
Therapists also operate with empathy and compassion.
Yes, truth as well, so lets be truthful, you just don't like this woman.
You know, I find the only people who think splitting checks evenly fair are those who those who end up spending LESS because their expensive choices are subsidized by those who chose less expensive meals. Think about it this way, would you feel it fair if you lived on a street with your friends so you collectively pool utility bills and split them evenly every month, even though you lived in a studio and there was a 10,000 square foot McMansion next door?
Do separate checks and have one person pick up the tab of the birthday boy/girl. Usually our department will go out for birthday lunch and the manager will pick up the tab of the birthday meal... and then expense it to the company.
I work in the healthcare field. In my particular department, the salaries, among the employees, range from 30k to 110k. We often have small parties, office celebrations, or go out to lunch together. Most recently, one of our coworkers began complaining about our choice of restaurants- stating she was 'broke' and is very unhappy about being "shut out" of our get togethers. We try to keep things reasonable but if we bent to her every complaint, we'd eat at McDonald's everyday. Next Thursday, another coworker is celebrating his birthday. He gets choice of where he wants to eat- guess what? Here she is, complaining again! I'm beginning to get annoyed by it all. No one's forced to participate but should we feel bad that she can't afford to go?
Y'all aren't responsible for her financial situation, she is. After all, she makes the same amount as the rest of you. So if she can't afford to participate in something, that's too bad for her. The rest of you are under no obligation to tailor your plans for her.
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