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I let it be known I don't want to take part in any social stuff at work. I dont do parties, chip in for this or that, etc . . .
This is why. Beyond annoying. We are not friends, we are not family, Please don't try to force your social requirements on me. Thank you
She sent out the registry and everything to all of us.
Wait, what? The bride sent you a list of suggested gifts? That's rude.
Personally, I avoid these things like this like The Plague. I've never seen them end well--someone always feels uncomfortable or slighted. If I can't gracefully avoid it, I just bring a tiny token gift.
The whole "going in on gifts together" also never works out, in my experience. Someone does the buying and expects everyone else to like what was chosen and pay whatever price is asked, even if it exceeds what was agreed upon in advance. Or someone gets their name on the card and doesn't pony up. Ugh. Once a woman asked me to go in on an expensive gift for someone I barely knew, and I said no. She kept asking and I kept saying no. Then she went and bought it, plus even more stuff (!), put my name on the card w/o my permission, and demanded $.
Last edited by imagineAA; 04-30-2015 at 07:59 PM..
I need some help here CD....I (along with the rest of the office) was just invited to a in-office bridal shower for a coworker of mine. We are not close, don't talk besides a simple hi in the hallway or small talk in the lunch room. She sent out the registry and everything to all of us. What is the proper etiquette here? Do i have to buy her something? Is it rude to go and not purchase anything? Is my attendance even necessary?
Sorry this is my first professional job, so I have never ran into this before!!
Yes it's rude to go and not purchase anything. That would apply to any situation- not just work. But no, your attendance is not necessary, particularly if you're not close to this person.
G-fused gave you great information and I just wanted to add that the fact that you're asking because you don't want to misstep shows you are wise!
Beware those who will weigh in telling you not to give anything and just not go, or not to give anything but go anyway, or are outraged that this is going on during company time, blah blah blah. Common courtesy and being part of something bigger than 'me' seems to be an issue for some.
M, I agree with a lot of your posts, but I do respectfully disagree with some of your ideas on office etiquette. To me, it is presumptuous of the engaged coworker to send invitations out to the coworkers she doesn't really know to attend her bridal shower. It smacks of "I don't know you but come just to buy me something." This is especially true because many people can't afford to spend money on extra things like gifts for strangers. I went to a bridal shower of my ex's coworker. We went because he was quite emotionally close to the coworker and also worked with him frequently on various projects. Going over the registry list, I was aghast at how expensive most of the gifts were: upwards of $60. I don't know if many engaged couples select gifts such as these, but I suggest OP consider not going, because it's definitely not cool to go without bringing a gift.
I need some help here CD....I (along with the rest of the office) was just invited to a in-office bridal shower for a coworker of mine. We are not close, don't talk besides a simple hi in the hallway or small talk in the lunch room.
Geez, this co-worker sounds greedy. Personally, I would not attend a bridal shower for someone I didn't know. A bridal shower is for your close friends.
Maybe you and I know the same woman. She recently had 3 different bridal showers (one for family and a few friends, one for a larger group of friends that didn't make the cut for the first party, one for her co-workers). Then she had two bachelorette parties (one a weekend-long multi-event trip to the Big City for friends and close family, one for her many bridesmaids only).
I get having A shower and A bachelorette party. But having 5 different events to celebrate "it's my special DAAAAY!", before the wedding even happens, seems excessive to me.
Ha - I just thought about the last bridal shower I attended. We had all received a registry (different than the wedding registry). The bride-to-be did a fine acting job: every thing she opened, that she had requested down to the minutest detail, was met with "How did you KNOWWWW! It's just what I wanted!", and just this over-the-top expression of complete surprise that she was getting these things - that she had told us to get. It was hilarious. She also had had 2 different large bridal showers, and I'd bet she had a little something at her work, too (I declined her baby shower that happened 9 months later).
She also had had 2 different large bridal showers, and I'd bet she had a little something at her work, too (I declined her baby shower that happened 9 months later).
Too Funny!
I have a former friend who was near 45 y/o for her first marriage. She had a bridal shower and engagement party in our East Coast state and bridal shower and engagement party in her hometown Midwest state. Then she had the nerve to invite my hubs (via Facebook) to her fiancee's bachelor party who my hubs didn't know. We were not invited to the wedding because I had every intention of standing up and speaking out if the preacher paused and asked the audience if they had something to say. I gave her $20 in card at the engagement party because hubs strong armed me into doing it otherwise it would have just been a card being dropped into the birdcage. I gave no gift at the bridal shower except silent heckling. Imagine a bunch of 40-60 y/o women playing bridal shower games when we should have bee talking about menopause and social security benefits.
I have a wedding gift protocol that if you're under 30 y/o and first time marriage you get a gift and 45 y/o was way over my limit.
I have a wedding gift protocol that if you're under 30 y/o and first time marriage you get a gift and 45 y/o was way over my limit.
Talk about ageist. And if you're talking wedding gift (not shower) you sound cheap as well. Personal disclosure: I was married at 23, been married for 38 years and told all of my friends and family I did not want a bridal shower, so I didn't have one.
To the OP, I would not feel the need to attend, especially if you don't know the person very well.
I have a former friend who was near 45 y/o for her first marriage. She had a bridal shower and engagement party in our East Coast state and bridal shower and engagement party in her hometown Midwest state. Then she had the nerve to invite my hubs (via Facebook) to her fiancee's bachelor party who my hubs didn't know. We were not invited to the wedding because I had every intention of standing up and speaking out if the preacher paused and asked the audience if they had something to say. I gave her $20 in card at the engagement party because hubs strong armed me into doing it otherwise it would have just been a card being dropped into the birdcage. I gave no gift at the bridal shower except silent heckling. Imagine a bunch of 40-60 y/o women playing bridal shower games when we should have bee talking about menopause and social security benefits.
I have a wedding gift protocol that if you're under 30 y/o and first time marriage you get a gift and 45 y/o was way over my limit.
Glad the bride is a former friend; sounds like she's better off without friends like you in her life.
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