I hate my job so much and it's affecting every aspect of my life. (unemployment, company)

[Gemini1963]

I think that what you are describing is a bona fide hostile work environment, but I also agree with those who say that as a practical matter, you unfortunately have a very steep uphill battle in fighting it. I'm sorry that you're enduring it and it sounds really awful, especially given the fact that you used to like this job.

I would recommend setting aside the project for now of figuring out your career path. You're too miserable to think about that clearly - your thinking will be too fear-driven. Instead, I would suggest:

1) apologizing to those family and friends who have taken the brunt of your job-misery, and explain to them what the problem is,
2) putting in a request right away to take all of your vacation time as soon as you can,
3) notify a temp agency on the Thursday or Friday before your vacation that you are available for work (if possible, don't tell them that you're employed and that this is only vacation time),
4) take any temp jobs offered to you during vacation, even if they last longer than your vacation. Just start the temp job, see how it feels to be working somewhere else, and figure out what to do after that -- including quit your "real" job while you are on vacation.

It is not necessarily the case that your temp job would turn into your next job (though I always got job offers when I temped), but it will give you the boost (probably) of remembering what it's like to have a manageable job with at least a couple of decent coworkers.

Good luck. First and foremost, GET OUT of there somehow and worry about the big career decisions later when you are not so unhappy.

[troymclure]

Originally Posted by MetroWord

Last week, the foreman at one of the construction sites I'm overseeing jokingly told me if I ever go to prison he would protect me if I give him some loving at night. The language was much more vulgar, of course. Keep in mind that I'm their boss. He also jokingly said one of the guys, pointing to some guy, is already giving him some loving.

The blond engineer I mentioned has the cleverest back jibes I've ever heard. She keeps them in line.

But I understand it's not for everyone. You have the option to move to another company or sue. Keep in mind that you might be blacklisted as suing susan by future potential employers. It's not fair, but it's life.

So you're a supervisor, and you are allowing sexual harassment to go on under your supervision? You are doing a bang-up job.

[troymclure]

Originally Posted by AliciaS92

I have been in my job for just over a year now and I am increasingly becoming more unhappy by the day. It's my first job since graduating from university and I really loved it in the beginning when I started. I loved learning something new, my co workers were really friendly and helped me to settle in quickly and I genuinely enjoyed coming to work.

However, after about 6 months of being in the job, the office had a complete turn around of staff, with my manager (who I had a really good relationship with) being forced to leave and other co workers also being forced to leave or just choosing to leave for something better. Slowly but surely since then, every person who has been employed in my office is a male. I am now the only female left in the office with 9 men, and to top it off I'm the youngest (23).

I'm constantly subject to sexist remarks, listenning to their machist conversations all day about women, and being patronised and made into a joke for their amusement. I have begun to feel so isolated and unhappy in my job that it's starting to affect every aspect of my life, I am arguing with my friends and family outside of work and taking my frustrations out on them. It's getting to the point where I come home during lunch breaks and after work crying every day and I don't want my life to be like this.

I'm so confused as I want to leave my job but the problem is I don't know what I want to do. I studied English and Spanish in university but I've realised I don't want to do an office job anymore (or maybe I do but just in a better working environment). I have no idea what I should do and it's constantly on my mind. I don't know what I want to do or what I should do. I really need some advice.

I'm guessing you are in England (or another European country)? Keep in mind, most of the perspectives here are coming from the U.S. Harassment policies and making a case might be different where you are.

Besides the problem with the sexist remarks, it sounds like the whole office environment has changed for the worse. It's probably time to get out. Maybe you can find full-time temp work until you figure out what you really want to do. If nothing else, this might give you exposure to other companies, possibly moving into a permanent position at one.

[MetroWord]

Originally Posted by troymclure

So you're a supervisor, and you are allowing sexual harassment to go on under your supervision? You are doing a bang-up job.

Huh? Actually, she's their boss. I'm hers. She can take care of herself. The guys know their limits. They've been working under her for a while. Trust me, they respect her.

What do I mean by she can take care of herself? She told me one time that her past supervisor made a pass on her and wanted sexual favors. She promptly took it upstairs and got him fired.

Please stop thinking like every woman is a victim and needs protection. Some of us actually work with women that can take care of themselves.

Also, please stop assuming every dirty joke is sexual harassment.

Personally, I don't make dirty jokes anymore. I also understand that some people make dirty jokes to relieve stress. Most of the time, they know the limits and their jokes are not sexist or homophobic.

[AliciaS92]

Originally Posted by troymclure

I'm guessing you are in England (or another European country)? Keep in mind, most of the perspectives here are coming from the U.S. Harassment policies and making a case might be different where you are.

Besides the problem with the sexist remarks, it sounds like the whole office environment has changed for the worse. It's probably time to get out. Maybe you can find full-time temp work until you figure out what you really want to do. If nothing else, this might give you exposure to other companies, possibly moving into a permanent position at one.

Hi Troy,

Yes that's correct I am in England. To be honest I've never even considered filing a case of sexual harassment, although I appreciate some people have very strong opinions on this - I think I would look at this as a very very last option.

At the moment I am just trying to figure out whether there is a way for me to have my voice heard here without things getting nasty or me having to leave. As I said before I really used to love my job when I started and it's quite sad that one of my only options is to leave my job because of other people's attitudes who came into the company after me. I would feel as if they have pushed me out.

However, I have tried to seak to senior members of staff within the office on numerous ocassions and my opinion seems to be laughed at, made into a joke or completely dismissed.

Like you said, the office environment has completely changed for the worse, it's definitely not the happy working environment of when I started. From what I can see, and having thought about it - it seems like the only option I have is to start looking elsewhere.

Unfortunately this experience has now made me quite worried about going into another office environment out of worry of being in the same situation again..

[brownbagg]

Originally Posted by troymclure

So you're a supervisor, and you are allowing sexual harassment to go on under your supervision? You are doing a bang-up job.

that life, that real life, there nothing to it, no harm, till the political correct get into it because they cant understand the joke, so its offend them

[daisy2010]

She cannot file a case without documentation. A person cannot simply walk into a court room and say they were harassed. They need documentation. She needs names, dates, times, what was said, how she replied, whether she told them that she didn't like it or said nothing, whether she went to a higher up (dates and times), what the higher up said or did, whether she went to HR and what was said or done (with dates and times). It sounds like nothing has been documented.

HR has to be notified and put the offenders on alert. You cannot simply file a lawsuit without showing a progressive ladder of action being taken, showing that you tried X, Y, and Z and things continued.

It also depends on whether she has any "damages". Other than "pain and suffering", are you seeing a therapist for anxiety? how often? taking meds for anxiety? Are you calling out sick because of it? Not sleeping? Seeing any other doctors, like for chronic fatigue syndrome?

I agree that in certain male dominated environments, the culture allows a certain amount of joking and whatnot that aren't meant to be sexual harassment. I worked in a male dominated field where men were totally raunchy and I adapted to it without much fuss. I actually enjoyed working with men. Yes, some of them were forward and hit on me but I sloughed it off and adapted to it. I did not let any of it get to me one iota. The only thing I was vigilant about was making sure i wasn't discriminated against--not given opportunities or fair pay. Harassment was not on my radar screen. I think females who cannot handle it or adapt to it are not meant to be in that environment, probably better in female dominated environment where nothing is tolerated.

[G-fused]

Originally Posted by AliciaS92

At the moment I am just trying to figure out whether there is a way for me to have my voice heard here without things getting nasty or me having to leave.

Simple answer is no. More complex answer is probably not. And if there is, you likely do not have the clout or political gravitas needed to make it come about (no offense meant there, those kinds of skills are developed with experience and maturity). Further, even if you did, it wouldn’t be worth the effort.

Originally Posted by AliciaS92

As I said before I really used to love my job when I started and it's quite sad that one of my only options is to leave my job because of other people's attitudes who came into the company after me. I would feel as if they have pushed me out.

That’s not unusual at all. As you progress through your career and life, you’ll see that these types of situations are very common reasons for leaving (e.g. not liking your boss, not liking your coworkers, etc.). Rather than feeling as if you’re being pushed out, feel as if you are saying “see ya losers! I’m out!”.

Originally Posted by AliciaS92

However, I have tried to seak to senior members of staff within the office on numerous ocassions and my opinion seems to be laughed at, made into a joke or completely dismissed.

That’s surprising. Makes one question what is really going on and how it is being presented.

Originally Posted by AliciaS92

Unfortunately this experience has now made me quite worried about going into another office environment out of worry of being in the same situation again..

Do you generalize all bad or good experiences to this same extent? That’s an odd thing to think. See? These are the types of statements that can make people think that you’re over reacting and are too sensitive to things, precisely because that statement is an overreaction and is too sensitive.

[Silver8ack]

Originally Posted by NewJerseyMemories

This is exactly the attitude the OP is trying to get away from. I think you have proven her point.

And no, it's not a "respect thing." That kind of behavior is showing absolutely no respect to women at all. "Horsing around" and "raunchy" jokes are completely unacceptable in a professional environment - for men or women.

It's the working world, not a fraternity.

But it is a fraternity. It's not a college frat but it's the working world fraternity. How many times have we seen an OP talk about how they do such a great job but it's the lazy s.o.b. who goes to lunch with the boss that gets the promotion? As much as people want to think that hard work is all you need, reality is it is as much (or more) about how well you get along with others. That's just the reality of it.

Let's say the OP goes to the CEO of the company and unloads everything that's been happening. The ish starts rolling downhill and finally it's mandated, no more joking around, horseplay, ANY behavior whatsoever that could be interpreted as offensive....Do you think the OP's work problems are over? Do you think she would then start loving her job again?

The answer to that is no. The workers (all of them) would silently seethe at her. They would talk about her when she wasn't around and think of ways to get back at her. Why? Because that's what people do. They're not going to just take it. They would see it as an assault on their fun, and on their jobs. Ultimately this would band them together against a common enemy.....her. In the end maybe the OP gets her revenge if a couple of them get fired and the rest of the workers begrudgingly falls into place. But that is best case and that wouldn't make her any happier as her workplace would still be miserable, just that everyone else would be miserable with her.

OP I know this isn't the way it's supposed to be. but think down the road about any retaliatory action you take and the impending dominoes that fall as a result of it, do you ultimately get what you want? Are you happier? Or is leaving and finding an environment more fitting to your temperament and sensibility a better course of action to get what you want? Think it through, then act.

[steel7]

Originally Posted by seasick

Keep this job and immediately look for something else. DOCUMENT what is happening, in case you must leave due to the situation becoming completely intolerable and unhealthy. I am sad this is happening to you.

I agree with seasick. Good luck.