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It's pretty common, you graduate college, you get a living wage job, and then you start looking for a higher purpose in life. Many people never get to that stage in life. They struggle working multiple minimum wage jobs and still can barely afford to get by. Their main thought is survival, and not looking for a higher calling in life than just working and making money.
what you describe socially can and does happen to a lot of people so don't feel bad about needing to talk about it. I did notice you said your friends presumably also early 20s are busy with kids and marriage, as is your former childhood best friend? That is certainly not the norm in larger cities so it makes me wonder if part of the problem is you are living in some rural depressed area without enough young, single professionals like yourself? I would really look into moving to a place where the norm for 23 year olds is not marriage and kids...
Hi guys, thanks for the responses. I guess my post did come across as ungrateful didnt it? I am very thankful for my job, I really am. That is why I am trying to figure out why I feel so exhausted/and occasionally pretty "blue" on my days off. I mean, during college I worked full time and went to class 6 hours/day and studied my butt off for my rigorous college program and still felt I had a lot of energy to get it all accomplished. Maybe I do need to see a therapist. I dont have a history of depression that I know of but Im pretty sure I have full-blown anxiety, which seems to be worsened with my new career since I am still fairly new at it. I realize my post sounds like total rambling and Im sorry if I offended anyone.
Tigeru, I wish you the best of luck in your job search.
I can already see that many on these boards are not here to be helpful, yet they respond to posts requesting help.
Your post did not seem ungrateful.
I think this is the crux of your sadness:
"...but for some reason my heart aches at times over missing her/wishing we could have graduated college together/been involved in our weddings together/etc. I just wish so much that I could talk to her about life/random things and tell her how happy I am for her. I loved her as a friend and a person."
I think you are grieving your lost friendship.
You are in a new position and have recently finished university studies, and find yourself stressed and blue on your days off, especially.
Some people need structure, and when that structure is disturbed, they become anxious and sad. I believe this has happened to you (the time off is when you are sad).
To correct: Give yourself respect for your feelings. It does not matter if random persons on some forum disagree with your feelings. Give yourself respect, and TIME to create the structure you need. Build the structure, and also be looking to exit it in an orderly manner, if you continue to be stressed and unfulfilled in your work.
Aww poor you OP. You need a hobby. Also when I was young, I had NIGHTMARE commutes. I'm not sure I would survive them now, and back then I didn't have AC in my car. Sometimes 2.5 hours each way. The good news IS that you can survive it and you will make more money and be more financially secure as you get older.
My advice is GET A HOBBY. OR a few. Dancing, going out with friends, painting, bike riding, taking singing lessons etc. This will make your hardworking days as a young professional more bearable. This is America, and God-willing this is the hardest you will have to work in your life.
Don't forget to save money! Also remember to do exercise and spend time in parks, the beach etc. to try to combat the effect of all that car exhaust and sitting on your a$$ on your health. Good luck. Things will get better.
In many situations, what we need is less about actionable advice, than commiseration and some evidence that we're not abandoned and not unique in our frustrations.
A token pleasantness and poise are required in so-called professional life, whether that's being a corporate executive, a medical doctor, a management-assistant or an IT help-desk technician. Most smiles are artificial, most greetings fake, most effusive outpourings of sympathy nothing but tactful pretense. There's nothing unusual here. Nor is it unusual to lose heartfelt friends seemingly for no reason. People reassess, people snap, people have weird epiphanies and realignments in their lives. It's courteous to offer explanation to erstwhile friends, but courtesy is not always respected.
For genuine empathy and emotional consonance, people are wont to turn to their nuclear-family. And this I think is what's happening with the OP's friends. As they marry and start having children, not only do their concerns turn inward, but so do their friendship. With children and a spouse, one tends to shunt aside even the best of friends. What friendships persist amongst "adults", are friendships of convenience; neighboring parents, or parents of kids in the same after-school activity, become casual friends. Those people who lag their peer-group in family-formation will wonder desultorily what happened to their social circle. For the more pluralistic, for professionals in big cities, this transition might not happen until a decade after college. In smaller and more conservative locales, it can happen right after college, or even earlier, so that by urban standards the "stragglers" are still very young, but by rural/small-town standards they're stragglers indeed.
Unfortunately we're relegated to relying primarily on ourselves, whether we're 23-year-old fresh entrants into the workplace, or 83-year-old retirees abandoned by our adult grandchildren. Our modern society is competitive and impersonal. We inquire every Monday morning about our respective weekends, the health of our family, whether our babies started talking and our dogs are now housebroken. But it's largely cant and pretense, a veneer of empathy where the reality is crude and indifferent competition.
It may feel embarrassing to take recourse to commiseration from strangers on a random website, faceless typists pecking away at buttons, bloviating anonymously. But don't fret. We take our solace wherever we can find it. Instability means that any temporary firmament is taken as bedrock, any stick is picked up and leaned-upon as a crutch. And do not underestimate the cathartic joy of simply writing, of collecting one's thoughts in written form, whether shared on an anonymous forum or placed quietly in one's writing-desk. A thought well-formed represents a crisis already half-solved.
In many situations, what we need is less about actionable advice, than commiseration and some evidence that we're not abandoned and not unique in our frustrations.
A token pleasantness and poise are required in so-called professional life, whether that's being a corporate executive, a medical doctor, a management-assistant or an IT help-desk technician. Most smiles are artificial, most greetings fake, most effusive outpourings of sympathy nothing but tactful pretense. There's nothing unusual here. Nor is it unusual to lose heartfelt friends seemingly for no reason. People reassess, people snap, people have weird epiphanies and realignments in their lives. It's courteous to offer explanation to erstwhile friends, but courtesy is not always respected.
For genuine empathy and emotional consonance, people are wont to turn to their nuclear-family. And this I think is what's happening with the OP's friends. As they marry and start having children, not only do their concerns turn inward, but so do their friendship. With children and a spouse, one tends to shunt aside even the best of friends. What friendships persist amongst "adults", are friendships of convenience; neighboring parents, or parents of kids in the same after-school activity, become casual friends. Those people who lag their peer-group in family-formation will wonder desultorily what happened to their social circle. For the more pluralistic, for professionals in big cities, this transition might not happen until a decade after college. In smaller and more conservative locales, it can happen right after college, or even earlier, so that by urban standards the "stragglers" are still very young, but by rural/small-town standards they're stragglers indeed.
Unfortunately we're relegated to relying primarily on ourselves, whether we're 23-year-old fresh entrants into the workplace, or 83-year-old retirees abandoned by our adult grandchildren. Our modern society is competitive and impersonal. We inquire every Monday morning about our respective weekends, the health of our family, whether our babies started talking and our dogs are now housebroken. But it's largely cant and pretense, a veneer of empathy where the reality is crude and indifferent competition.
It may feel embarrassing to take recourse to commiseration from strangers on a random website, faceless typists pecking away at buttons, bloviating anonymously. But don't fret. We take our solace wherever we can find it. Instability means that any temporary firmament is taken as bedrock, any stick is picked up and leaned-upon as a crutch. And do not underestimate the cathartic joy of simply writing, of collecting one's thoughts in written form, whether shared on an anonymous forum or placed quietly in one's writing-desk. A thought well-formed represents a crisis already half-solved.
Some of the first posters were a little insensitive. I can relate, I was in a job where I had a long commute, a lot of overtime, and I had just moved away from all my friends and family. For a while I was unhappy. I was glad to have a job, but I felt exhausted a lot and didn't want to be social despite wanting friends.
I would suggest staying in your position for a year if you can just to get the experience, and then start looking for a new position that will be more fulfilling. In the meantime, some things that might help:
- Get plenty of sleep during the week, even if it means going to bed early.
- Go exercise or do some group yoga classes to calm your mind. For me exercising always helps make me feel better for a while.
- Join a meetup, volunteer, or find a church. Just having a support system of friends who understand will make a huge difference, even if it's a small group.
- If you can, move closer to your job. Commuting is exhausting.
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