Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We have a lot of new people at work - the "new guard." There are groups of women from the old guard that go out to lunch often and we talk about our kids, work, movies, etc. We don't really socialize outside of work, but we generally know about each other's kids, where we live, where we go on vacation, etc. We've been inviting women from the "new guard" out to lunch with us and in the midst of conversations about these kind of things and at the same time trying to get to know the new people, is it rude or insensitive to say for ex., "And what about you, Becky? Do you have kids?" or do we just let those kinds of topics come up if the new persons mentions it? It always seems fine when the person is married with kids or divorced with kids because like most moms, they immediately launch into a discussion about their cute kids. But when the person responds with "no, not married, no kids" it always seems awkward - even though the person responding might be totally fine with that, not at that point in their lives, etc.
I would wait it out as I had a rather painful experience where I asked someone that I have come to deal with whether he has kids, there was a long pause and then he replied "We had a son, he died when he was three years old", the guy himself was young, so it was a very recent event. I was on a phone when I asked, and I was so stunned, I made up some excuse to get off, and then just burst in tears in front of my boss and other people in the team, I was so hysterical that I could not even gain enough breath to tell them what's wrong, luckily, the team was great and they did not think I was going insane. Since then, I have been avoiding asking such questions and just let it come up if person feels like sharing.
Yes, I think it would be very rude to ask such personal questions of your coworkers. If they want to share this type of information with you, let them decide when and where.
Personally I just let it come up , because like you said if they do have kids they usually bring it up when they're talking about their weekend plans or vacations. I posted on here about something similar and how I don't like this , because I usually will come out with these answers when I feel like I want them to know.
But honestly everyone feel different about being ask these question as a new person. I have a coworker who is very "free" in telling all things going on in her life beyond those questions. I would say feel out the conversation flow and personality of the person you're asking.
I wouldn't ask... just let it come up in conversation. If the new hire has just gotten through a rough divorce or has recently separated, or if she's been trying to get pregnant for a year now or recently had a miscarriage or lost a child to SIDS or some tragic accident/illness, she might want to keep it to herself. If she has a husband and 2.5 kids, they'll come up eventually in conversation.
I think the best way to handle this would be to ask the very standard 'so tell me about yourself' question. It is open-ended so allows for more conversation than just a yes or no answer, and also allows them to decide how much they feel like sharing without putting them on the.spot with specific topics that may be uncomfortable for them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
