Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As a general reply to this sort of situation ...
It is a very very bad idea to give a ride to a co-worker that you know has any stability issues. You are placing yourself in the position of being alone and without witnesses for some period of time.
If there is any inappropriate actions or comments, you have placed yourself in a my word vs their word, and regardless of whatever support you may normally get, you will be forever tainted.
And it is exponentially worse in an opposite sex situation because your spouse may get an accusing anonymous phone call for which some facts are true, but for the others you have no defense.
Saw it happen to someone else, so I vicariously learned don't give rides to problem people, or any opposite sex persons. Not fair to them, maybe, but my life and my wife comes first.
I would buy a motorcycle before I'd share a ride with some of the doozies I've known.
This is not the type of instability that is the issue. An accusatory anonymous phone call is not this person’s style. She’s very bold and doesn’t cower or hide.
It seems you think this may have something to do with sexuality. I’m a mature male, not some crazed drunken frat boy. And she’s not Glen Close and this isn’t Fatal Attraction. Being in a car with a woman isn’t a risk to me or any sort of threat to my relationship with my spouse. You’re misinterpreting the issue.
I understand it may sound like it’s not a big deal. Only thing I can say is that if you had to work with her, you’d try to minimize the time as well. It’s an offsite event that I will enjoy more without her there.
It apparently is relevant or you would not be asking how to lie so this person does not go.
Learn to use the word "No" if/when asked to do something you do not want to do, it is a much better way to go than telling a lie.
I’m ok with saying no.
And I’m fairly certain that you’ve altered the real truth/made something up when denying someone something that they’ve asked of you in order to not seem rude or maintain a certain level of rapport within the relationship. Just another Internet tough guy.
This is not the type of instability that is the issue. An accusatory anonymous phone call is not this person’s style. She’s very bold and doesn’t cower or hide.
It seems you think this may have something to do with sexuality. I’m a mature male, not some crazed drunken frat boy. And she’s not Glen Close and this isn’t Fatal Attraction. Being in a car with a woman isn’t a risk to me or any sort of threat to my relationship with my spouse. You’re misinterpreting the issue.
She is professional, she is (presumably) hygienic, she isn't infatuated with you, she is an effective and efficient colleague... have I missed anything? But we were supposed to help you sabotage her impending attendance at an even you wanted to attend alone. Why? You have not made the case for why this should be your mindset. When I encounter a thread starter who makes as many arguments for a POV as against it, and splits the forum at large into contradictory factions... well there is a term for it. Congratulations. You've made the cut.
She is professional, she is (presumably) hygienic, she isn't infatuated with you, she is an effective and efficient colleague... have I missed anything? But we were supposed to help you sabotage her impending attendance at an even you wanted to attend alone. Why? You have not made the case for why this should be your mindset. When I encounter a thread starter who makes as many arguments for a POV as against it, and splits the forum at large into contradictory factions... well there is a term for it. Congratulations. You've made the cut.
Weird post. Makes me think you didn’t read many of my replies. I know there were a bunch so I understand if that is the case but...I stated very comprehensively what her issues are. Here, I’ll just copy the last time I did it:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisesturm
However, it would be great if she did read this thread, so we could all hear her side. I'm starting to think she might not seem as bad as all that if we could sit down and have a latte with her. O.p.'s evasiveness is a red flag. Also LOLing about "work from home" after conference is over.
Evasiveness? I offered broad information – she has a difficult personality. There are other things like a deep level of insecurity, the very political environment we work in, a sense of grandiosity, some narcissism, and a few other things at play but those are the broad strokes. I don’t think I need to write a report detailing any actual events. Here’s the bottom line – There is a disordered personality at play, there are serious boundary issues, and serious misinterpretations of roles. I’m one of a long line of people who’ve had major issues. In each instance, our Director completely supported me 100%. We’ve had meeting where she was very clear about things with my role and hers. I am the Sr, was hired as the Sr. our titles fully reflect that, our responsibilities and participation in meetings fully reflect that, everyone else knows that. What is it that I am I being evasive about?
I used the term “mojo’ as a joke. I’m in a professional role, been in a professional role for most of my working life, this is a professional office. The majority of us are into the mid 100k/yr. and we do some amazing work. I’m an early 40’s man with a family. I have a grad degree from a top 20 university, have had a solid line of 3 reports, dealt with difficult people in the past – I can go on and on. Understanding who she is and what she does, what I am doing in this situation is being very clear and then drawing a line in the sand, she crosses it, I confront her bluntly and firmly but not in an enraged way. She either agrees and conforms or it grows into something that our director needs to resolve. Again, the resolution always ends up with her being told what her role is. She’s been given a verbal warning and a written one. None of that means that I get a pass on working with her. I have to work with her on many things and that work must not suffer. She licks her wounds and a couple of days later, we are good to go and are jovial with one another again – for the sake of the work and our jobs. And so goes the circle. This last time, the director told her she was confused and concerned about the behavior because it’s been discussed in the not too distant past. I can go on and on.
I got news for ya fella...it ain’t me.
But more important. Why do you need that information to help answer my question? It’s off topic. I’m not asking you to assess if I’m justified in feeling as I do. I’m not asking you to take a side regarding this. You’re just making stuff up in your head or are trying to pull me into something else.
So when you goad someone into this alternative type of he said/she said pettiness, it seems that you are actually behaving like the term you accuse me of behaving as.
That you thought this to be enough of an issue to post here asking for advice is what is the weirdest thing of all. Mature professionals don't worry about this kind of stuff.
That you thought this to be enough of an issue to post here asking for advice is what is the weirdest thing of all. Mature professionals don't worry about this kind of stuff.
Crisis is over, now go back to work.
Oh please. This is a discussion forum. People discuss stuff here see? Even mature professionals are allowed on. That’s what it’s for.
You thinking that I considered this a crisis comes from nowhere but your fallible little mind. You’re making stuff up in your head again and taking things too seriously. And you are really grumbly about things...I think you may need to make a poop.
You’re all like (in my deepest manly voice) – Mature professionals don’t ask this kind of stuff. You should put her in her place and bop her on the head you spineless little jellyfish. ‘Cause that’s what I’d do ‘cause I’m an assertive SOB and everyone knows not to mess with me and I get what I want, bad bing bada boom.
I didn’t realize we had the President of Everything here in this forum. Enlighten me Mr. President, what is it that people must do in the kingdom of “Inside Your Head” to qualify as a mature professional? Not post in this forum? Or must the question qualify in some way? Please, I need to know the rules so I can be a better person under your rule.
You sound very approachable and fun to interact with. Boy, you must be a hoot in real life. Did I ever tell you that on the Interweb I can benchpress a cow? Or do curls with a donkey in each hand? It’s true. I’m awesome and know everything that you don’t know, and it’s easy!
This is not the type of instability that is the issue. An accusatory anonymous phone call is not this person’s style. She’s very bold and doesn’t cower or hide.
It seems you think this may have something to do with sexuality. I’m a mature male, not some crazed drunken frat boy. And she’s not Glen Close and this isn’t Fatal Attraction. Being in a car with a woman isn’t a risk to me or any sort of threat to my relationship with my spouse. You’re misinterpreting the issue.
Why do you think I began my post with "As a general reply to this sort of situation "?
I'm not misinterpreting your situation because I'm not specifically addressing your situation.
This is a public forum.
City-Data wasn't created only for you.
So by her ruining your "mojo" are you looking to meet someone from either a personal perspective or hoping to interview with a competitor and don't want word getting back?
Lol those were my first thoughts!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
"general reply"
