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It's really NOT your concern. It's your bosses concern. No one says you have to drive her. Make something up. I'm sure we've all had to hang out for half a day with someone we didn't want to at a work obligation.
You can't control whether she goes or not, so let go of that piece.
As for the transportation, several have suggested what I would do - if she does ask for a ride, explain that you have another appointment and won't be able to give her a lift, unfortunately.
She would have to be quite socially impaired to push beyond that. And if she did, just say you're sorry, but its just not possible.
It seems you have a lot of anxiety about this, and that is clouding your ability to realize that you CAN set boundaries with people. Regardless of what you've done in the past in terms of helping with transportation, that does not obligate you to do so every time in the future.
You could always lie and say your car is in the shop. Take a cab to the conference or get someone to give you a ride on their motorcycle. She surely couldn't tag along that way. On the other hand, why the big deal? It's just a ride.
Personality is one. Yes, there are other reasons. I don't want to get into it and it really isn't relevant anyway.
I don't know... I'd say its very relevant at this point. You want input on how to handle a situation you find sticky but you don't want to give details on why. It hampers our ability to give practical advice. Like: suck it up and take the co-worker to the conference. That would be my advice. Or refuse to. Anything else (trying to sabotage their attending) is unethical. But if we knew why... that might exonerate you.
Personality is one. Yes, there are other reasons. I don't want to get into it and it really isn't relevant anyway.
Awww come on, tell us! At least give us a hint.
I think the problem with lying about having to go somewhere else after the conference, as a way to not give her a ride, is that you said your town has public transportation. Conceivably, she could insist on riding with you, while riding back to work on mass transit after the conference ends. You could lie and say you're also taking public transit but you actually drive to the conference. It's very possible for you and the coworker to not see each other on the bus or train (whatever the mode) though you're both going to the same destination.
As other posters have said, you need to prepare for this coworker to go to the conference and the only issue is finding a way to not ride together.
1. If you ask your boss to go, does this other person have to know? Don't tell her until after you go.
2. Excuses are easy:
a. Say you have an early morning appointment/obligation on that day and can't swing around and get her. If she asks what, say it is personal.
b. Or say you are staying at a friend's house the night before and it would be too far out of the way to get her
Yes, the other person will absolutely know. She knows things...it's weird.
In terms of driving her, I can think something up I suppose.
You do not owe your co-worker an explanation for declining to pick up/drop off. Simply say you are unable to do so and end the conversation.
This is someone I work with every day, somewhat closely. You know, people socialize with people. It would be weird to simply say "I am unable to" and then walk away. She'd be standing there going "huh? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you mad at me?"
Make sure this is 15 seconds before the presentation or even as it begins so co-worker can't follow her.
I'm a him.
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