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She would have to be quite socially impaired to push beyond that.
Bingo!
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenSparkles
It seems you have a lot of anxiety about this, and that is clouding your ability to realize that you CAN set boundaries with people. Regardless of what you've done in the past in terms of helping with transportation, that does not obligate you to do so every time in the future.
Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have anxiety. And I completely understand how to set boundaries. This is an unusual person. I’m in my early 40’s, I’ve been at several org’s and worked with several personalities. Some were difficult. Believe me when I tell you that this is an unusual person. We’ve had the boundary discussion (as well as several other discussion regarding how to conduct oneself socially) several times.
This is someone I work with every day, somewhat closely. You know, people socialize with people. It would be weird to simply say "I am unable to" and then walk away. She'd be standing there going "huh? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you mad at me?"
You say "Sorry, but that is not possible" without walking away until she acknowledges that.
If she says huh?, repeat.
"nothing" and "no" work for your last two queries.
I don't know... I'd say its very relevant at this point. You want input on how to handle a situation you find sticky but you don't want to give details on why. It hampers our ability to give practical advice. Like: suck it up and take the co-worker to the conference. That would be my advice. Or refuse to. Anything else (trying to sabotage their attending) is unethical. But if we knew why... that might exonerate you.
Because she has a very difficult personality. I suck it up all the time. I’d prefer some time to be at peace at the conference.
Of course it's my concern. That's precisely why I'm posting, because I'm concerned. And I know it's my Directors decision, that's part of the problem. I need help with something that'll help my Director say no. If it were my decision, it would be easy.
I don't want to get into it but yes, she will plop down next to me. She'll stick to me like glue and will only want to go because I'm going. But I don't think she'll go if I can't drive her so that may be the ticket. Any ideas on what to make up? I lack creativity.
Oy. Yes, I'm aware that you are concerned that you have to deal with her. What I'm implying is that the decision to let her go or not is not your concern - as in it's none of your business, or you have no direct part in the decision process.
If you can't figure out a way to deal with this, then this is likely going to be the least of your problems.
Your mojo is not your boss's problem. Just ask to go. If your coworker also goes, it is no business of yours.
If the coworker asks for a ride, you simply say, "Sorry. There isn't an available seat in my car."
You can repeat that over and over if she tries to dig out a reason. You aren't obligated to provide her with your life story. Just keep smiling and telling her that there is no available seat, preferably as you are walking away. Eventually she will get tired and give up.
(if you are taking a company car, sorry, but you are sunk. You'll have to share the ride)
Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have anxiety. And I completely understand how to set boundaries. This is an unusual person. I’m in my early 40’s, I’ve been at several org’s and worked with several personalities. Some were difficult. Believe me when I tell you that this is an unusual person. We’ve had the boundary discussion (as well as several other discussion regarding how to conduct oneself socially) several times.
What prevents you from saying "I'm not able to give you a ride for X reason"?
What will this person do if you say that? Will they scream at you? Will they hit you? Will they run to the boss and spread lies about you?
We have to get to the root of why you cannot tell this person you can't give him a ride.
(As I said, you can't control whether he goes or not, so there is no point putting any mental energy into that aspect of the situation).
Just say you have obligations both before and after the conference so you will unable to provide a ride. It's really that simple. If she persists and says something like it's ok I'll tag along anyways, well then I'd definitely call her out and say sorry, no ride here. If you have a problem doing that then you will just have to deal with her. You can't get what you want and not have to do anything to get it. This one is pretty easy though.
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