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Don't tell anyone else if the office that you will be attending. Then it's less likely she will know about it until too late. Or if the boss mentions it. Leave it off your calendar until a few days beforehand. Don't tell anyone at all.
If she mentions that she is going to this conference and if she knows you are going, just mention something general like "I hope it's a good conference'. Make no reference of driving her.
If she asks about a ride then mention that you you will be pressed for time and you can't drive her but you'll see her at the conference. Say nothing more at that point.
Don't offer to bring her home after the conference either. Tell her you are in a hurry and need to leave then. For all she knows you have an appt or maybe an errand or maybe you need to grab a meal or maybe you are rushing home to get back to working on the computer.
I've had people I worked with I couldn't stand for a minute. Yet, if I had to, I'd go with them to a half day conference if that is what is needed.
What? What are you talking about? Do you think I can't go to the conference if she's there? I just would prefer not to and asked a little question about it. You're making my little question a mountain.
Oy. Yes, I'm aware that you are concerned that you have to deal with her. What I'm implying is that the decision to let her go or not is not your concern - as in it's none of your business, or you have no direct part in the decision process.
If you can't figure out a way to deal with this, then this is likely going to be the least of your problems.
Oy right back at ya...Of course I can figure a way to deal with this. I'm just posting on a forum for thoughts.
What prevents you from saying "I'm not able to give you a ride for X reason"?
What will this person do if you say that? Will they scream at you? Will they hit you? Will they run to the boss and spread lies about you?
We have to get to the root of why you cannot tell this person you can't give him a ride.
(As I said, you can't control whether he goes or not, so there is no point putting any mental energy into that aspect of the situation).
Nothing prevents me from saying that and that's likely what I'll do. I was just saying that it's rude to simply say "no, you can't come with me" and leave it at that.
Everyone here is saying the same thing.
Yet you don't want to take the advice.
Why?
I think some of the advice is good and I plan on taking it. I was just saying that I don't want to be rude. The words some propose that I use sounds more like they are advising I say "I won't" rather than "I can't".
I guess I shouldn't be surprised...lots of tough guys on the Internets.
If this is someone you have had to confront about boundary violations more than once and in a direct manner, the dynamic is already weird. I don't think refusing to provide a ride to such a person is out of line at all. It is not normal to have to tell someone in a professional environment to get out of your face on multiple occasions and to have them continue to stick to you like glue and ask you for rides following these requests. The word "harassment" comes to mind. I wouldn't even think of letting someone who behaved this way into my car.
If this is someone you have had to confront about boundary violations more than once and in a direct manner, the dynamic is already weird. I don't think refusing to provide a ride to such a person is out of line at all. It is not normal to have to tell someone in a professional environment to get out of your face on multiple occasions and to have them continue to stick to you like glue and ask you for rides following these requests. The word "harassment" comes to mind. I wouldn't even think of letting someone who behaved this way into my car.
Yes, there have been several very direct and blunt confrontations. A couple with no intervention and a couple where our boss was asked to intervene. And I'm not the only one who's had these types of confrontations w/her.
But keep in mind that I also must work with her. Almost every day. That means that we are civil and even friendly in order to get the job done well.
So we're friendly colleagues and that is my preference. I'm not interested in hating and don't want to insult her by just saying she can't come with me in my car without giving a reason. So I'll give a reason.
Hope that explains things.
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