How to stop coworker from going to conference w/me (good, test)
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I had a manager ask me if I didn't mind a coworker traveling with me to another office I visit often. This is about a 5 hour drive. She is nice and we get along, but I like to stop when I want and make my own decisions on where to eat along the way.
On the other hand the drive does get boring. A few times I have picked up hitch hikers that don't look like they crawled out from under a rock for someone to talk to.
Thanks all. I think I’m going to go with the “I’m afraid that will not be possible” type of approach.
I get the thought of it not being my problem if she’s offended but it actually will be. She’ll keep it in her back pocket and remember it. And like I said, I work closely with this person on about 70% of our work.
I'd lean more towards "I'm going to have to meet you there and I may be a bit late anyway".
Then, when you get there (a bit early maybe) plop yourself down between two people so she can't sit next to you.
However, it would be great if she did read this thread, so we could all hear her side. I'm starting to think she might not seem as bad as all that if we could sit down and have a latte with her. O.p.'s evasiveness is a red flag. Also LOLing about "work from home" after conference is over.
Evasiveness? I offered broad information – she has a difficult personality. There are other things like a deep level of insecurity, the very political environment we work in, a sense of grandiosity, some narcissism, and a few other things at play but those are the broad strokes. I don’t think I need to write a report detailing any actual events. Here’s the bottom line – There is a disordered personality at play, there are serious boundary issues, and serious misinterpretations of roles. I’m one of a long line of people who’ve had major issues. In each instance, our Director completely supported me 100%. We’ve had meeting where she was very clear about things with my role and hers. I am the Sr, was hired as the Sr. our titles fully reflect that, our responsibilities and participation in meetings fully reflect that, everyone else knows that. What is it that I am I being evasive about?
I used the term “mojo’ as a joke. I’m in a professional role, been in a professional role for most of my working life, this is a professional office. The majority of us are into the mid 100k/yr. and we do some amazing work. I’m an early 40’s man with a family. I have a grad degree from a top 20 university, have had a solid line of 3 reports, dealt with difficult people in the past – I can go on and on. Understanding who she is and what she does, what I am doing in this situation is being very clear and then drawing a line in the sand, she crosses it, I confront her bluntly and firmly but not in an enraged way. She either agrees and conforms or it grows into something that our director needs to resolve. Again, the resolution always ends up with her being told what her role is. She’s been given a verbal warning and a written one. None of that means that I get a pass on working with her. I have to work with her on many things and that work must not suffer. She licks her wounds and a couple of days later, we are good to go and are jovial with one another again – for the sake of the work and our jobs. And so goes the circle. This last time, the director told her she was confused and concerned about the behavior because it’s been discussed in the not too distant past. I can go on and on.
Your director can't make you give her a ride unless you're driving a company vehicle. Just tell the coworker no if she asks for one. You don't need to give a reason. Let your "no" stand alone. Also just tell the coworker not to sit with you.
You seriously need to grow a spine. If you don't take her crap she can't hold anything over your head. So what if she doesn't like you? You're there to work, not make friends. If she can't get her portion of the work done when you are working together, then that's her problem, not yours.
???
My spine is ok.
I don't take her crap at all.
She has no problem getting her portion of the work done. She's very bright.
You seem to be replying about something that you perceived I said but didn't actually say.
You say the conference is a half/day thing and you most likely will work from home the remaining half of the day. If she asks for a ride to the conference you can say that you are going home to work right after the conference and that she needs to find her own transportation to the event. Either way I think you are worrying to much about things you can't control.
If you haven't yet mastered the art of gracefully getting out of doing things you don't want to do, that will hold your career back far more than a co-worker you don't like.
You say to your co-worker BEFORE she tells you she's going to the conference, "I know I've driven you in the past, Hermione, but I won't be able to do it this time. I just wanted to let you know in advance so you could make other arrangements if you want to go to the Better Communications Conference."
If Hermione asks why you can't drive her, tell her, "It's too complicated to explain" and walk away. Just as you did in the post above where you didn't want to explain how your co-worker "kills your mojo."
If you haven't yet mastered the art of gracefully getting out of doing things you don't want to do, that will hold your career back far more than a co-worker you don't like.
You say to your co-worker BEFORE she tells you she's going to the conference, "I know I've driven you in the past, Hermione, but I won't be able to do it this time. I just wanted to let you know in advance so you could make other arrangements if you want to go to the Better Communications Conference."
If Hermione asks why you can't drive her, tell her, "It's too complicated to explain" and walk away. Just as you did in the post above where you didn't want to explain how your co-worker "kills your mojo."
My career is ok. Hasn't been held back in the least. And there is good reason for that.
My reply to how this co-worker "kills your mojo" has been answered a few times. Check a couple of posts above for the latest response.
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