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While I don't think being a SAHM is a job that belongs on a resume, I DO think it's a job (and a hard one, if you're doing it correctly). Being in my early 30s, I have several friends who stay home with their kids, and I have to be honest when I say that I'd much rather come to work every day than live a day in the life of a SAHM with 2-3 very young children. From what I can tell, it does get easier when they get older (and particularly once they start going to school), but seeing my friends in the thick of it with very young children (infants to about age 3-4) - that is no joke at all.
The bottom line is being a SAHM is much easier than being a working mom because the working mom has all the same duties as the SAHM on top of the work duties.
Yes, being a good SAHM mom is hard work but it's not difficult work. Being a SAHM has a very low barrier for entry - it's something virtually anyone can do from the woman with an IQ of 60 to the woman with an IQ of 190. It requires no education, no additional skills beyond what every independent adult already has, no interviews, no performance reviews, and you really can't be fired or laid off. You don't have to deal with bosses, co-workers, customers or any of the pressures that most jobs have. There's no competition for promotions, no dress code, no office politics, no commute, no stress from deadlines etc etc etc. You don't even have to be very good at it to raise successful kids. It's pretty much impossible to screw it up as long as you put in some effort. There are really no other jobs out there that are as easy to get and keep as a SAHM. Of course, the pay for this job is a different matter altogether.
So is being a SAHM a full-time job? Yes it is. Is it a hard job? Yes, it certainly can be. Is it more challenging/difficult than other jobs? No definitely not. It does have more hours than other jobs and the pay is different than other jobs.
I disagree. Like anything, doing it well requires skill, and not everyone has that skill. At work (my paid career) I am very organized, very deadline oriented. I'm good at what I do. My desk is fairly tidy. My paperwork is organized.
When I was a SAHM, the house was a wreck. The desk was a mess. Bills got paid on time, but paperwork wasn't filed. The kids got fed, but dishes often sat in the sink all day. I didn't love sitting on the floor and playing with them. I'd read to them all day long, but that's not what they wanted. Laundry got washed, and sometimes folded, but not put away. I didn't do occasional chores like washing the baseboards very often (ever?) Discipline was difficult, to say the least. I did not excel at being a SAHM. We're all happier now that I'm back at work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Geek
Not all SAHMs are equal and yes anyone can do it, but not every can or will do it well. This is evidenced by our society taking a bit of a downturn. In my opinion it all starts at home. When you become a SAHM you don't have a choice really in doing something but you do have a choice in how you do it and there's a wide spectrum from those who do nothing to those who are Marry Poppins. And I disagree that it's "pretty much impossible to screw up." Many are screwing bad, all around us.
Absolutely. Some are outstanding. Some sit on the couch all day. They are not all created equal!
I am not a stay at home mom but I am a stay at home Grandpa that is raising 4 grand kids.. And it is by no means a cushy job..... And NO I am not in my 60's or 70's..I am in my 50's.... So it is not because I can't get around or am not able to do everything that makes it non cushy....
My typical day starts with getting the kids up and off to school, and then going to pick up the kindergartner when he is off and then back to get the rest of them when they get off....
During the time I am with no kids, I do the dishes, the wash, run errands, clean, work on the car if I need to, take care of the pets...
When they get home from school, we do homework of which I help them if need be, then dinner gets started...After dinner it is bath/shower time and then a bit of reading or tv and then off to bed...
After they are in bed I finish cleaning up the dinner stuff and the kitchen and then sit down for a bit to unwind and then off to bed...
Oh and if 1 or more are sick then it is such great fun (sarcasm) trying to get everyone up for school and fed and into the car to get the unsick ones to school and then back home to tuck the sickies in bed with medicine.... and then repeat to go pick them up....
So I am saying that a stay at home mom (or whomever) is a full time job and sometimes harder than a regular job.....
If anyone doesn't believe this, trade places with me just for 1 week....
I disagree. Like anything, doing it well requires skill, and not everyone has that skill. At work (my paid career) I am very organized, very deadline oriented. I'm good at what I do. My desk is fairly tidy. My paperwork is organized.
When I was a SAHM, the house was a wreck. The desk was a mess. Bills got paid on time, but paperwork wasn't filed. The kids got fed, but dishes often sat in the sink all day. I didn't love sitting on the floor and playing with them. I'd read to them all day long, but that's not what they wanted. Laundry got washed, and sometimes folded, but not put away. I didn't do occasional chores like washing the baseboards very often (ever?) Discipline was difficult, to say the least. I did not excel at being a SAHM. We're all happier now that I'm back at work.
Absolutely. Some are outstanding. Some sit on the couch all day. They are not all created equal!
That's been me for a year, but I'm actually starting to get better at it.
I've done both. And working outside the home is not full-time job plus everything a SAHM does. There are poeple filling in for the working mom while she's at work, therefore she's not doing everything with her child and with her home that a SAHM mom does all day long.
When I worked, no one was at home messing up the house. I was not constantly trying to entertain toddler and cleaning up behind him. He was at a daycare center, where other people fed, changed and entertained him. They also cleaned up his messes, changed his clothes when he had a "poop explosion" out of his diaper, settled him down at naptime, and a ton of other things that I was not involved in, because I was sitting down at my nice, clean office job.
When I got home (to my clean house that was exactly as I'd left it), of course I had to do things like bathe the baby, make dinner (though my husband cooked just as often as I did), wash dishes, etc. The baby went to bed a few hours after we got home, and I'd spend the evening finishing up chores and relaxing wiht my husband.
When I was home, though, all of that fell on me. My husband didn't help out with chores as much, because I was the at-home adult. I entertained a baby and a preschooler all day, took them various places to socialize them (and myself), cleaned up after them ad nauseum, changed lots of diapers, nursed the baby, cooked little-kid-friendly foods, washed dishes several times, etc. I didn't get to things like folding a mountain of laundry or cleaning out closets or whatever, because I was busy supervising tiny children. So the evenings were spent finishing up the chores and once the kids were in bed, enjoying not being touched for a change (which, as you can imagine, was sometimes frustrating to my husband!).
When I worked, I had a cushy office job, and it was MUCH easier, physically, to leave the baby with the trusted ladies at the daycare center than it was to stay home all day. Emotionally, it wasn't as easy; I felt guilty and worried a lot more. Once I was home, I didn't have to worry as much; I could go in and check his breathing during his naps and I knew whether he had eaten lunch or was cranky or teething or whatever.
If I had a strenuous physical job or a job that required immense amounts of concentration and critical thinking/decision making, I could see how it would be harder to work. As it was, though, my workday was basically a reprieve from the boring and difficult tasks that I would otherwise be doing all day. Babies and toddlers are sweet and snuggly, but they're not that intellectually stimulating, and toddlers and preschoolers can be extremely frustrating. I think all of these "oh, taking care of children is all sweetness and light" posters either don't have children or have forgotten what it's like to have little ones. I'm so thankful that my kids are in their teens now and I don't have to deal with toddlers and preschoolers any more!
(I homeschool, by the way, and I work from home on my own business. Even "just" SAHMing was, for me, more difficult than working my 32-hour-per-week office job and putting the baby in daycare.)
<shrug> maybe I got lucky. I spent close to a year out of work from 2003-2004. My daughter had just turned 2. That year was cake.
I WILL say though that we set her on a schedule very eary so there were naps and 7pm bed time. I was able to get all of the housework done pretty early. Most days we just hung out or ran errands together. If money were no object Id go back to that in a heartbeat.
<shrug> maybe I got lucky. I spent close to a year out of work from 2003-2004. My daughter had just turned 2. That year was cake.
I WILL say though that we set her on a schedule very eary so there were naps and 7pm bed time. I was able to get all of the housework done pretty early. Most days we just hung out or ran errands together. If money were no object Id go back to that in a heartbeat.
I've done both and would easily pick working a full-time job. It's not even close really. Note: I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old.
OP - close your eyes and imagine making the following changes to your job situation. Then tell me if you wouldn't leave that job for another one....
1) You now have two bosses instead of one, both of whom are 2 years old or younger and continuously pee their pants.
2) Your bosses are the most demanding bosses ever. They want what they want, when they want it. And they will tell you what they want 350 times a minute until you give it to them. They are relentless and unprofessional to the highest degree.
3) You cannot switch bosses if you do not like them. You are stuck.
4) Similarly, you have no career growth potential. You are stuck in the same position, with the same bosses, in the same work environment, for a minimum of 18 years.
5) Speaking of your work environment, you work alone in a 3-person office: just yourself and your two bosses. There are no lunch dates or water cooler talk.
6) Your work is the most boring work ever. Imagine stacking blocks for 8 hours a day or reading "The Hungry Caterpillar" over and over and over again. Want a break from it? Tough.... there's no potential to move to more interesting projects ever.
6) You get no PTO or sick time. Zero.
7) You get no scheduled breaks. Most days, at least one of your bowel movements is witnessed by your bosses.
8) Change your scheduled shift from one 8-hour shift to a variable 16-hour shift. Oh, and your boss loves to demand something from you at 2AM, 4AM, etc and you HAVE to deliver. Again, you have no choice.
9) There is no such thing as a "workweek". Made it to Friday afternoon? Congratulations! Your reward is doing it twice more until Monday arrives.
10) And you do all of this for FREE. You do not get paid. You get no benefits.
There are some fulfilling things about parenting, but don't belittle those patient, loving people who raise children and keep our society going.
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