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I think this is a cultural thing. For women who traditionally didn't have to care for their own children (i.e. hired nannies), yeah, being a SAHM WOULD seem hard. I come from a long line of women who worked and took care of their children while paying bills, doing the grocery shopping, etc. They never complained, and I'm sure they would have loved to have a husband who could support the family financially while they stayed at home. it may not have been easy, but I'm sure being a stay at home mom would have been much easier than working full time as well. I think some women need to grow a pair.
I know Im gonna get **** for this.
But oh how I wish I could have the luxury of a husband going out and punching a time clock, working hard and making good money for me to be able to watch my babies grow up and be apart of their special moments/milestones in the comfort of my own home. Im not a mom, but I currently work full time and work in a very hard industry, commute 1.5 hours each way, and usually work 50 hours a week. I see girls on my facebook give themselves all of this credit that being a stay at home mom is the "hardest job in the world". Yet they have never earned a degree/worked a real intensive job that requires critical thinking/hard physical labor.
Just wondering if this bothers anyone else. My sisters were stay at home moms for a while but then went back to work. They told me it was the most amazing thing to be at home with the kids though and they loved every minute, saying it wasnt that hard because it was rewarding and they could do it in their pajamas.
My personal favorite is when people put being a stay at home mom as a job on their resume.. Maybe im young and naive but to me that just sounds odd.
Say no more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynnie1993
Lol wmns4life.
But the thing is...Im not a mom. So its not like im jealous of either side Im posting this because I saw someone put this on a resume
Well that's just stupid. I'm sure she wanted people to know she wasn't just unemployed and sitting on her ass during those years, but putting it on a resume is the wrong move. I was a SAHM for 5 years. I filled that gap on my resume with volunteer work I did during that time.
I've been a full time working mom, a part time working mom, and a SAHM, and I can say that all are challenging. I personally prefer working, but that doesn't leave a lot of time to do everything else. Staying home with young kids is no picnic. Well, sometimes it is literally a picnic but it can be very difficult to manage everything, and very isolating to be stuck in a house with no adult interaction. Do what works for you and don't judge others who are doing what works for them.
We were blessed with twins much later in life than expected and my wife who had to go on bed rest at 22 weeks into her pregnancy due to the onset of silent contractions never made it back to her very well paid corporate job...........fast forward and the twins were born early with luckily not too major issues, they both spent time in NICU for a few weeks and various visits to specialist for some non life threatening issues.
The twins just turned 7 and she has been home since day one. Being a stay at home mom was a full time job for her and still is. We moved away years ago so we have virtually no support group here and to be honest we have not used a baby sitter yet. So her going back to work would have been hard at first with the twins.
We were lucky as we always lived within our means and never tried to keep up with the Jones and our home was a good example of that..............had we been living our life based on two incomes when the twins were born we would have lost everything as my wife was in banking and in 2008 it brought about the death toll for those in banking and real estate jobs.
Now after getting all that out there and having her at home all these years I am at a complete loss of how my friends and co workers do it with both parents working...........everyone seems overwhelmed and lives day to day, after school activities, away soccer games, homework. I always ask them how they do it and they say they just do. I give them credit because after having her home all these years I am spoiled, our budget is a little tighter than it was (alright a lot) but I like where we are. We enjoy the normalcy of not having the stressed out treadmill of life that so many have. My wife works hard and she even knows balancing work and family would be even harder!
Todays working parents have a tough job of balancing home, work and family. I know we could do it but it would be one heck of a lifestyle change for us..........one I am not yet ready to try, and if you have parents close by who help out.............make sure you tell them how much you appreciate them. That is a luxury I wish we had!
Make no mistake 100 or so years ago it was different. Now with microwave ovens, ovens, dishwashers, driers, interior plumbing, electricity, on demand car services, amazon prime etc. It keeps getting easier.
I would also say that if someone wants to be a stay at home mom that's fine. But if your husband loses his job and you don't have a degree like he might then it is going to hurt. Employers are not sympathetic to staying at home (wife or husband).
cMy daughter is self employed, so she has the luxury of taking my 2-year-old grandson to work with her every day. Although she has at least one employee to assist her during the day, she is both working AND taking care of him. Not easy. He's supervised closely, and has lots of toys there, but still manages to be a little dickens (taking items off shelves and stacking towers, restocking merchandise so she can't find it, pushing brochures and catalogs into cracks under shelves, rearranging price tags, hiding his uneaten sandwich crusts behind the merchandise, etc.) He's discovered that he gets a lot of attention and fussing over from her clients and customers, and he's learning how to milk it.
I watch him three afternoons a week to give her a break...not much, but I'm often the first one to hear his new words or witness his milestones, and she feels bad. Yet, at least she sees him more than other working mothers would. Then she also has to take work home every evening and Sunday, and do a marathon cleaning and cooking session Sundays for meals for the coming week. She also has a 45 minute commute one way. Her DH helps out as much as he can, but he's juggling HIS own business, plus a full time job. She often says she'd love to be a stay-at-home mom, but I don't think she'd be cut out for it. Maybe someday she can sell her business and work from home for her DH. She already assists him weekends in her (little bit of) spare time. I don't know how those kids do it...but they're young (29 and 30).
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 11-08-2015 at 12:18 PM..
[SPOILER[/spoiler]I grew up with sisters that are amazing moms and they said they would stay home with their kids over working in a heartbeat. It's a luxury.
I stay home with my kids and while it's hard work -- and sometimes boring -- I've always thought of it as a luxury. I also realize that my husband and I may be eating cat food in our elder years because I haven't worked. (Which, all jokes aside, scares me.)
I work an 1/8 of a time job from home that brings in a little money, lets me use my brain, and allows us to travel.
Overall, though, I'm very thankful to be able to be at home all these years.
Honestly, it's a debate I'd stay out of. If you'd like to be a stay at home mom, factor that in as you date. Seriously.
As a sometime stay-at-home father, you have no idea what goes on for a parent who stays home with the kids and/or works from home. Aside from the general child care, refereeing of disagreements between the half-sized humans, and cleaning, there is also meal planning, shopping, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, planned outings (if you don't want your kids to be unsociable little trolls), budgeting, and about 5 dozen other things that you are in charge of.
I've been a truck driver, a construction worker, a business owner, and middle management. Every job I've ever had outside the home has been easier than being a full time stay at home parent. Not only should it be on a resume, it should have a prominent position and list all of the skills that are necessary to be successful at it.
Well that's just stupid. I'm sure she wanted people to know she wasn't just unemployed and sitting on her ass during those years, but putting it on a resume is the wrong move. I was a SAHM for 5 years. I filled that gap on my resume with volunteer work I did during that time.
I'm curious how you managed to do any volunteer work while you were a SAHM - and why you were doing volunteer work at all, if you were taking care of small children. Were they with you, or was someone else watching them? I'd guess that most SAHMs have neither the time nor the inclination to do extra volunteer work, and it's inevitably going to come up in a job interview that they were "only" taking care of children.
To answer the original question: yes, it's a full-time job. Is it the same as employment? No, obviously not. But you can't do anything else, unless someone is watching your children for you. And unless you have grandparents or someone else who will do it for free, that's going to cost you money. You're responsible for the kids' well-being all.the.time. Every minute, round the clock. Is it always hard? No. But it's full-time in a way that most full-time work situations are not. (I have had plenty of micromanaged low-wage jobs, and those were worse, I'd say).
If you've never been there, you really can't say much about it.
I'm curious how you managed to do any volunteer work while you were a SAHM - and why you were doing volunteer work at all, if you were taking care of small children. Were they with you, or was someone else watching them? I'd guess that most SAHMs have neither the time nor the inclination to do extra volunteer work, and it's inevitably going to come up in a job interview that they were "only" taking care of children.
To answer the original question: yes, it's a full-time job. Is it the same as employment? No, obviously not. But you can't do anything else, unless someone is watching your children for you. And unless you have grandparents or someone else who will do it for free, that's going to cost you money. You're responsible for the kids' well-being all.the.time. Every minute, round the clock. Is it always hard? No. But it's full-time in a way that most full-time work situations are not. (I have had plenty of micromanaged low-wage jobs, and those were worse, I'd say).
If you've never been there, you really can't say much about it.
You seem to be implying that my staying home didn't count because I managed to leave the house occasionally. I volunteered at church, sometimes on Sunday mornings while my husband was with the kids, or while they were in Sunday School. I was in MOPS, which included some extra volunteer time, and our fundraising and dues paid for on-site child care. During the last couple years, my youngest was in preschool and kindergarten, so I had a few hours to work a very minimal part time job and do some more volunteering at the church, and at the elementary school.
Is this really what it has come to? Now "we" are not only criticizing working moms, but also SAHM's for not being home 100% of the time?
IME most kids of SAHM's started a moms day out program or preschool between the ages of 2-3. We also have a great drop in child care program nearby, and several MOPS groups, and moms groups, babysitting co-ops, etc. I don't know anyone who didn't use some kind of child care during those first years. I wouldn't expect the mother of an infant to be doing a lot other than taking care of the infant, but after a while it is doable.
Agree that if you haven't been there you can't say much, but I HAVE been there.
ETA - to answer your question about why I was doing it - It is the right thing to do. It isn't right to put your kids in Sunday School and not volunteer to teach, for example; Because I enjoyed it. It isn't in my nature to not be doing something outside the house, with other people, for a purpose; because I planned to go back to work and I knew I better be able fill my employment gap with something, but mostly because it felt like the right thing to do.
I'm more curious how someone could be a SAHM and either never participate in any activity that required volunteers, or how they could justify in their minds participating but not helping.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 11-08-2015 at 03:08 PM..
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but it can be very difficult to manage everything, and very isolating to be stuck in a house with no adult interaction. Do what works for you and don't judge others who are doing what works for them.
) but I like where we are. We enjoy the normalcy of not having the stressed out treadmill of life that so many have. My wife works hard and she even knows balancing work and family would be even harder! 
