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I think sometimes the bullies are encouraged to bully others. i.e. If they want to push out Joe, encourage John (the office bully) to focus on him. I also think it's easier to tolerate bullying on the management level than to fire. If someone is close to retirement or related to a higher up. I was bullied at my second to last job. The woman who harassed me is an immigrant and would bully and harass others, but if you went to her face she would pull a "No speakda English, you culture different!!!" shtick. If you went to management it was always "She's getting written up". One time we lost a client because of her. The client said so. I went to my direct boss. Nothing was done and the bully lied. After that, I was always on her target. I started to report every little thing she did. She was also bullying another coworker and I told that coworker to report her. Now, it turned into we were bully her. She did something so bad I had to report her to the state as I witnessed it. It was so bad police were involved, but the violated party didn't press charges. She still works there. After that, she was very mean to me. Would interrupt my lunch if I stayed on site. She would give me dirty looks, criticize every thing I did, and talk about me without using my name. I even spoke to a lawyer and had a letter written to upper management and they ran and showed her. They had no plans of firing her despite her losing clients and almost bringing legal action. I know this is because she is close to retirement and because she has has a lot of family and friends she brought on.
I spent the past six months dealing with one. I worked for a program manager who thought he could bully me into breaking company processes because he didn't like how long it took to get a specific task done. For a while I simply advised as to why the processes were in place and that I had to follow them. Eventually his antics got worse, and as they did I more firmly stood my ground. Towards the end, he was calling me at home to tell me that rumors were going around that no one liked my work. I laughed it off because my manager said the exact opposite. He eventually complained enough to upper management that he got a "promotion" in the form of being pulled from my contract and pushed into a lesser role.
Once a bully figures out that they cannot bully you, they will stop in one form or another. I guess I don't really get too concerned with a "bully" because they can't do anything to me that I will allow to negatively alter my life. You just have to be willing to stand your ground.
I've been bullied personally and professionally. Not above admitting I've bullied people personally. I think most bullies never really stop bullying their targets unless you move away (or quit if job related). When I bullied this lady, I bullied her because I didn't like her as a person. Nothing would change that. As I knew her socially, I just stopped going where she went. As much as bullying can be from the bully themselves, I've never met a bully who bullied everyone or someone higher than them (say a boss). There is a reason they pick their targets and in my personal history they don't move on. Maybe they see if I keep punching you, I will go to jail. They will harass you verbally. Now, as much I've been bullied and BELIEVE in bullies, there is a difference between a fighting/misunderstanding and bullying. I do think people can move on and become friends after fighting, but not after bulling.When you are bullied, a piece of you dies. When I was a child I was bullied by an adult cousin. Just always a rude comment. Would be the first one to play down any thing I did well or better. When I turned 18, I refused to deal with this cousin any more. My younger family members received similar treatment and tell me to move on and deal with the cousin. I can't. That person hurt me so much. Now do I deal with other family members? Yes. Do we fight? Yes, but it's not the point of bullying and hurting each other to the soul.
"Here are some of the tell-tale actions of a bully.
• 1. Overlooking or belittling the target’s work and achievement.
• 2. Backhanded comments on the target’s personal life or any other aspect unrelated to work.
• 3. Excessive yelling, swearing, and/or causing public humiliation.
• 4. Withholding critical information relevant to the target’s job with/without the target’s knowledge. Not sharing opportunities that could benefit the target.
• 5. Overworking, assigning excessive work, making it impossible to complete the job.
• 6. Keeping track of/maintaining a record of the target’s mistakes and constantly bringing them up even for trivial or irrelevant reasons.
• 7. Extensive micromanagement and expressing repeated distrust in the target’s caliber.
• 8. Blaming without any justification or proof.
• 9. Isolating the target, socially and professionally.
• 10. Spreading unwanted gossip and rumors about the target."
"According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, targets are usually independent, ethical, nurturing, "'go-to' veteran workers to whom new employees turn for guidance."
I've only worked one place where an employee accused a few folks of "bullying".
The "target" was stubborn (independent), had her own set of ethics, a busy-body (nurturing), more interested in intruding on everyone else's work instead of her own (go-to), and refused to keep up with modern technology even though the position demanded it (veteran worker).
When she was repeatedly called to task due to her lack of productive output, she immediately started accusing co-workers of bullying her, based on her age, gender and weight. When HR pointed out that what she was describing was far from bullying, she went to a lawyer in an attempt to prove that it was her "sensitivity" that was the benchmark for bullying.
While I wasn't directly accused, I'm sure I was lumped in with the rest of the bullies. You know, because I expected her to do her job, which to her was unreasonable.
I looked at a few comments, cant say I read them all.
First, I'm an HR Manager so I want to clarify a few things.
If an employee feels they're being bullied the first step is to address it with the person bullying.
Second step is to go to their manager, this is a management issue.
3rd step is to go to HR but I want to be clear here, bullying rarely rises to a legal status. HR at that point can discuss and advice, but there is nothing going to court over this.
I also want to respond to the person stating "HR loves to promote bullies". HR does not promote, unless within HR, the department hiring managers do.
I took on one of my evil beaches. Filed a grievance against her that went all the way to corporate. Since she lied and manipulated her managers and made them look good on corporate paperwork, they kissed her arse and threw me under the bus. They put me on a PIP and I quit.
It was a healthcare setting and patients filed complaints against her to corporate and Medicare, but nothing ever happened. She is still working there, still lying, still hated by co-workers, and still ''loved'' i.e., ''used'' by management.
I sure hope karma is a beach.
HR cares. Bullying is not about "getting along." Bullying is an emotional thing. It's a mental game that does so much damage it takes a long time to recooperate.
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Very right, It has been almost a year since I finished enduring 5 months of bullying, and I'm just starting to feel almost (not quite though) like myself again. It is degrading, demoralizing and dehumanizing. People who say HR will do nothing are right. I worked for a government agency with an anti-bullying and anti-retaliation policy and they still did nothing about the lies, false accusations and blatant retaliation against me. Nothing.
I've been bullied in the workplace for over 30 years, and I'm here to tell you HR could give a flip less. Go to them with the problem and you BECOME the problem! It's then you start to realize your only option is to quit that job.
In my case, the head of HR was instrumental in inspiring my supervisor's worst behavior against me. When I complained to HR, well that must have caused her a good belly laugh.
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