Got a lecture from my mom on my life, now I am sad (references, jobs)

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by DorianRo

If you're 25 I would go to grad school. Work will always be there. Get more schooling before you become trapped with a significant other and/or kids.

You'll be wishing you did when you're 40

Grad school is great. I did it in my late 20s. I knew what I wanted to do and how grad school would help me get there. He needs to figure out what he wants to do before taking that step.

[SOON2BNSURPRISE]

Originally Posted by don1945

I think some of us are being a little hard on the OP. At 25, most of us had no idea what we were going to be or how we were going to get there...........I know I didn't. Some people think, just because we went to college and are now in the workforce, that things just automatically come to us, and that just isn't reality, especially in today's job market.

As for the living at home part, kids are staying with their families a lot longer today than in years past. I have twin Sons, now in their mid 40's, who both lived at home until they were 28 ish. Instead of berating them, we never wanted them to leave. I know there are families who can't wait to shove their kids out the door, we were not those kinds of parents. When we had them, we signed on for life, and were there for as long as they needed us.

Our own two took a little while to find what they wanted to do in life, and both of them did as they got older. Both now make more money than I ever did and are productive, hardworking , honest members of society. They just needed to get through those early years and find their paths, and we were willing to stand by them until that happened.

So, to the OP, don't let them get to you. Hell, you are working and making a fair income right now. They might expect more from you, but it could be them that are being unrealistic. As long as you are contributing to your living expenses, and going to work every day, and trying, I would be proud to have you as my child. You are young, and finding our niche in life takes time.

Don

At age 25 I was married managing a small business. We expect our kids to have a plan of action that will bring them into adulthood. Having them stay at home as long as they want does little for them. My wife and I signed on for life as parents as well. My thoughts to the op's parents: Cut the apron strings and let the child fly out on their own.

[fluffypoopoo]

Sounds like an Asian family. I know exactly how you feel, and for me, graduate school was the perfect catalyst to facilitate me stepping into a new career with a higher ceiling. It may not be the answer to most people, or you for that matter, but the first thing you have to do is start to take action. 35k ain't bad for a recent grad, but it won't sustain you for long if you have other plans in life. I suggest seeing what other fields of work you can go into with your skill set and switching jobs if you can, as long as the potential to further your career is better than the place that you're at now. Once you do that, get your own place or find a roommate and get out of your parents' home. Seeing their disappointment everyday will only be contagious and manifest itself on you.

[191185]

I was treated like a little child, until I got a real job and moved out .. .then all of a sudden I was treated as an equal from my Dad , you know, as soon as I was making enough and bought my own house, car, live ...

I don't think you need to make 80k a year to be good enough for them... you just need to move out, have your own place, car , life ... and they will be proud of you ... weather that means you need to make 40k, or 60k , then so be it. ..

[SOON2BNSURPRISE]

Here are some thoughts:

1. You live at home. Are you paying rent? If you are not paying rent how much have you saved? You have a stated income of over $30,000 a year which should easily allow you to save 50% of what you make.

2. What was your degree in? What is your plan for a career? Realize that getting an advanced degree is not the answer to every question.

3. What other options have you considered?

4. Realize that life is not a competition with others. It is a competition with ourselves.

5. You mentioned that you would rather be miserable and making $80K then living like you are and making $30K +. If you mean that then you have to do something. Talking about is will not get you more money. What is your plan to make $80K ?

[DownHillAmerica]

[quote=doopie245;44570583My mom said I need to get a real job and I am wasting time, which I kinda am.
[/quote]

In a sense she is correct considering that traditional schooling is an absolute waste of f----g time for most people. You can get on with your life by entering an apprenticeship for a trade and get paid to learn and then actually do something useful with your mind and body, rather than commit yourself to a life of office work in which one shuffles papers and information and money to and fro without a damn thing created at the end of the day! I am not saying that this is the only way to go, or that every single brain worker engages in idle work all day, but there's something to be said about skipping university schooling and getting on with one's life and not taking on debt. Nor is it so easy to get into a trade, especially a spot in a union.

Feeling hopeless and aimless on what I want to do with my life which is why I haven't applied. I always did what my family wanted me to do, now I have graduated and see that I don't want it. I think all I want now is to escape from the family pressure, just run away and never talk to family again. I was always the "golden child" since I was a good student and went to a good university so parents had high expectations for me. Now I feel like a failure.

In your case it's natural to feel like a failure. There are those in this forum who consider you a whiner, but I can empathize with you, considering that our system largely does not groom people for the professional spots for which they are there most suitable. Many people fall into this trite idea of simply going to school and getting good grades, and from there, it will be smooth sailing. Well, maybe that idea did work for the vast majority of people who did attend universities at one time, but that's not the way it is now! And universities these days are once again becoming hotbeds of Cultural Marxism and glorified sleep-away camps, rife with drug addicts, agitators of all sorts, promiscuity, and decadence! Who the hell needs to be around that?

The average workplace and hiring practices are not what they once were like either. I'm not old (37 years old as of today) and even I've seen a change since I was in my early 20's. Why do you think there are so many people venting on this forum? Average Americans hate their jobs, and one can't blame all of them!

When friends and family ask me what are my next plans in life. I usually give out a cop out answer, but I don't really want it. Family gatherings they always talk about me saying what am I doing blah blah blah. My cousin is doing this this and this. So I try to stay away from those, saying I am busy working or something.

That sort of intrusiveness and nosiness will not stop... ever! Even when you do get a job, get marred, have kids, buy a home, whatever, you will have all sorts of annoying people asking you about your business. You will receive comments and questions on how you raise your kids, that you got fat or in shape, about where you are working, if you like where you work, where you are planning on living, and so on and so forth... FOREVER!

My cousin went to graduate school straight out of college, while I took a break. One year, became 2 years, 2 years became 3 years. My family has been frustrated for awhile and when they yell at me I just tend to shut down and feel sad. I spend a lot of time just sulking and contemplating my future.

Sulking will not do ****, even though it's understandable. You need to toughen the hell up and say to yourself, "I'm gonna get a job and move the hell out! I'm sick of this" And then come up with a plan and follow through. It won't be easy though!

My mom was like if you keep waiting your cousin is gonna be done with his school and you gonna still be a loser.

Even though she is a bit crude in using the word loser, in a sense she is right. Stop waiting!

So that sucked. Feel like life is moving on and I just still want to be a kid or something.

Again, in a sense this is true!

If I had a decent career making 80k per year I wouldn't go to back to school.

Duh!

Life just sucks at the moment, I just want to disappear become invisible. All the pressure is overwhelming. At this point I feel like I will just apply to whatever profession, no matter what. I don't care what I do as long as I get a decent paying job. I feel like every family member has a piece of rope tied to parts of my body and just pulling me into certain directions. Saying do this do that. I know I can't continue working these crappy jobs. I hate these low paying jobs. I rather be miserable and well off than miserable and broke. Anyone share the same frustrations? Just want to vent and talk to people who understand my situation.

If you don't give a damn what profession it is and want to make decent money, then go for something like sales or a trade, both of which do not needed wasted time in a stuffy university, so that you can one day make $80,000 or more. Just stop loafing around and wasting time!

[Mia775]

If it bothers you this much, what is your move out plan?

Hoping to go to grad school and get a real job isn't a solid plan, yet. What are you doing to get there? Have you at least set a timeline?

[Girl]

Originally Posted by Domitian

I think pay expectations are a major mental hurdle for your generation. I often hear this magical number of $75,000 (you said $80k) as an expected salary. From where do you people pull that?! When I graduated from college, the dream number was $50k and few achieved that (at that time it was the accounting majors who landed gigs with the likes of Earnst & Young, Accenture, etc). At your age, with an undergrad, and little to no experience, $34k sounds just about right. ...

For reference, my first real job in 2000 paid $12.50 per hour ($26k). I made a goal that I wanted at least $30k per year so talked to my manager to put a place career plan together to get me where i wanted to be. Then my goal was $45k and I couldnt get that without some industry certifications, increased responsibility, and changing employers. I didnt get to your magic number of $80k until I was 32 years old. Do you know that $80k per year is about $38 dollar per hour?

Agree. I hear many people in their 20s grouse about how they are "only" making $40K. My first job out of college paid $18K per year (1991). I was thrilled when I got a new job a year later that paid $21K!

With my $18K I was able to move out and rent a townhouse with 3 other girls my age. We lived together for a year, at which point I got an apartment with two friends of mine, where we lived for 2+ years before going our own ways and found other places to live, with other roommates.

I didn't reach my all-time salary-high until I had been working for 15+ years after college, and a move from DC to NYC helped significantly with that eventual pay level. I was in my 30s before I saw any real momentum on getting a great salary.

OP (and many others like him) needs to move out on his own (find roommates if you can't afford a place on your own - plenty of people do it) and begin adulting full-time. And that does NOT mean going back to school.

[lovely40]

Originally Posted by doopie245

Graduated from college been working at an okay job making 34k, while living at home with my parents at the age of 25. Contemplated going back to school for a masters or doctorate to hopefully land a more real job. My mom said I need to get a real job and I am wasting time, which I kinda am. Feeling hopeless and aimless on what I want to do with my life which is why I haven't applied. I always did what my family wanted me to do, now I have graduated and see that I don't want it. I think all I want now is to escape from the family pressure, just run away and never talk to family again. I was always the "golden child" since I was a good student and went to a good university so parents had high expectations for me. Now I feel like a failure. When friends and family ask me what are my next plans in life. I usually give out a cop out answer, but I don't really want it. Family gatherings they always talk about me saying what am I doing blah blah blah. My cousin is doing this this and this. So I try to stay away from those, saying I am busy working or something.

My cousin went to graduate school straight out of college, while I took a break. One year, became 2 years, 2 years became 3 years. My family has been frustrated for awhile and when they yell at me I just tend to shut down and feel sad. I spend a lot of time just sulking and contemplating my future. My mom was like if you keep waiting your cousin is gonna be done with his school and you gonna still be a loser. So that sucked. Feel like life is moving on and I just still want to be a kid or something. If I had a decent career making 80k per year I wouldn't go to back to school. Life just sucks at the moment, I just want to disappear become invisible. All the pressure is overwhelming. At this point I feel like I will just apply to whatever profession, no matter what. I don't care what I do as long as I get a decent paying job. I feel like every family member has a piece of rope tied to parts of my body and just pulling me into certain directions. Saying do this do that. I know I can't continue working these crappy jobs. I hate these low paying jobs. I rather be miserable and well off than miserable and broke. Anyone share the same frustrations? Just want to vent and talk to people who understand my situation.

A graduate degree will not solve anything for you. You issue seems to be that you don't know what you're passionate about. I'd suggest meeting with a career counselor at your school and see if they can steer you in the right direction. Your mom is not being mean, but is simply trying to give you that kick in the butt you need. Get moving and make her proud. You can do this..

[G-fused]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Grad school is great. I did it in my late 20s. I knew what I wanted to do and how grad school would help me get there. He needs to figure out what he wants to do before taking that step.

+1 on that. If OP can go to grad school, he/she probably should. AFTER deciding on the profession he/she wants to be involved with.

OP, I'd be looking towards something concrete and that is valued (i.e. something that people will pay you for) rather than something soft. Identify maybe 5 or so careers that are valued, that you have an aptitude for, and that won't make you hate your professional life and then select from there. You probably won't be 100% sure about any of them but make your best educated guess about what you will find most interesting and then sink your teeth in. Some clinical field (nursing, PA, PT, OT, etc.), or some in demand analytical area (actuarial science, accounting, etc.), etc. And during this time, think about your network and who you know and who may be able to help you. If you have a bunch of family who are attorneys for example, can they help you if you go to law school? This is a good time to consider those types of things.

I went back in my late 20's when I was working a good job and living with a girl who was in a full time PhD program. I was lucky enough to earn enough to support us (we were in a low cost area) and save enough to get me through a full time grad school program (with some loans of course). My girlfriend's (she's now my wife!) program was fully funded and she received a small stipend as well (she's a friggin' genius). I wasn't going to go to grad school but was "convinced" (some would call it "highly pressured")by many people. They were so right.

You're a good student, use that to create a good career. Set your sites on a profession and find out what you need to get there (grad school, certifications, networking, etc.) and then execute but remain flexible.

Best of luck