I Need Comments/Suggestions for My Cover Letter (degree, career, interest)

[dothesmartthing]

Hello,

I'm a recent graduate currently looking into positions for entry-level meteorologists. I edited my cover letter the best way I could, and I just need some honest feedback or any suggestions to improve it. Thanks!




Samuel D. Smart
xxx Mason Boulevard
Marion, IN 46953
April 12, 2017
KMIR

Attn: xxxx xxxx - News Director
72920 Park View Drive
Palm Desert, CA 92260

Dear Mr. xxxx:

While visiting www.tvjobs.com, I discovered the weekend weather anchor opening from KMIR, a position that interests me. The Weather Channel and my experience with tornadoes and blizzards motivated me to begin a career in broadcast meteorology. Therefore, I want to share my fascination for weather with the KMIR team.

Recently, I graduated from Ball State University with a bachelor’s degree in meteorology and climatology. While enrolled at the university, I worked as a student meteorologist for WIPB-TV and interned at WISH-TV in Indianapolis. Those experiences provided adequate training and essential interpersonal skills needed for the weekend meteorologist position:

• Writing and delivering weather stories in a clear, concise manner
• Creating weather shows using the WSI graphics system
• Distributing alerts and communicating via social media
• Engaging in field reporting

Ball State University and the internship have given me the discipline to be a successful meteorologist. They taught me the importance of maintaining good news judgment, working closely with news directors and producers, and possessing a positive attitude. These are responsibilities KMIR needs, and I want to continue to develop those skills while keeping people safe for all weather conditions.

Please accept the enclosed résumé and demo reel for the weekend weather anchor position. If you are interested in an interview, call xxx xxx-xxxx, or e-mail to xxxxxx@hotmail.com. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward speaking to you about working for KMIR.

Sincerely,



Samuel D. Smart


Enclosure

[jayolm]

I think it's a good cover letter. I would suggest a couple minor changes. Move 2nd sentence in your 1st / intro paragraph to become the 1st sentence of your 2nd paragraph. Remove the 3rd sentence of your 1st / intro paragraph out completely. Making these changes makes it flow better and sound a bit more professional.

Only thing is I feel like you should have a 2nd sentence in your 1st / intro paragraph, but just not the one you have now (sounds a bit unnecessary / unprofessional). Try and come up with a new 2nd sentence there, maybe something like "My background in meteorology and lifelong interest in weather I believe would make me a good fit for the position.", or something like that. Good luck!