Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
And this illustrates why I have so often sworn to stay away from internet forums, over the past 25 years. And yet I kept going back. It seems like such an efficient way to get varied opinions on something you are wondering about. Almost like doing scientific research.
But you don't usually get good scientific data and honest helpfulness. Yes some people are kind and want to be helpful. But the ones that really get in there and dominate the conversation are, very often, the ones who gaslight just for their own amusement.
Talking to people who have a different opinion isn't gaslighting. Different viewpoints to an open minded individual is beneficial because it can sometimes bring to light something that they may have overlooked. It's not ok to throw around the bully card, or any other discriminatory card because you disagree with someone.
A forum is a great place to get opinions when you listen to them with an open mind and don't get defensive. If you want a place where everyone is going to agree with all of your comments a forum isn't the right venue. We all have opinions and advice offered up from different experiences we have had over the years. Everyone's experience is different but at times you can find where someone had a similar experience that they successfully navigated and that experience can help you through a difficult time. But that is if you choose to use it to your benefit.
Talking to people who have a different opinion isn't gaslighting. Different viewpoints to an open minded individual is beneficial because it can sometimes bring to light something that they may have overlooked. It's not ok to throw around the bully card, or any other discriminatory card because you disagree with someone.
A forum is a great place to get opinions when you listen to them with an open mind and don't get defensive. If you want a place where everyone is going to agree with all of your comments a forum isn't the right venue. We all have opinions and advice offered up from different experiences we have had over the years. Everyone's experience is different but at times you can find where someone had a similar experience that they successfully navigated and that experience can help you through a difficult time. But that is if you choose to use it to your benefit.
That would be fine if you had believed what I said or respected my point of view. If you had actually read what I wrote and seen the objective evidence. Telling me I must be wrong or partly wrong, simply because there are always 2 different sides to every story -- that is not respectful or objective.
That would be fine if you had believed what I said or respected my point of view. If you had actually read what I wrote and seen the objective evidence. Telling me I must be wrong or partly wrong, simply because there are always 2 different sides to every story -- that is not respectful or objective.
Neither is assuming that everyone else is wrong without taking an objective approach to the situation.
This thread has gone on so long with NOTHING being accomplished. Absolutely nothing.
Has the OP ever conceded she MIGHT, just MIGHT, have been PART of the reason communication with the manager didn't go well?
I've seen her say she's "not perfect" and I've seen her say she doesn't believe she was at fault.
Unless she's willing to accept that she COULD have been partly at fault -- even though she doesn't think she WAS -- that she COULD have been -- I don't see any progress being made -- even if the thread goes on for 100 pages.
How long are we going to go on with telling her: no one is gaslighting you...no one says you were 100% at fault?
OP the only thing I want to know is if you go back in a few weeks.
I am semi-retired, working part time, since last fall. And I work at home, and I like it. My manager is half my age, and has much less experience than I have.
In the beginning, he thought I was doing a great job and there were no problems. But then for one reason or another he started becoming critical. He never questioned my knowledge or skills, but he didn't like the way I did certain things. I never could tell exactly why. I thought maybe he felt insecure about having so much less experience than I have. But I was careful not to act superior.
We communicate over the computer, seldom in person or on the phone. Sometimes his messages are just plain nasty. There has been a lot of stress lately and crazy deadlines, and he has been even more impatient than usual.
The other day he pretty much accused me of lying about something. The job is developing software. He told me one of my programs didn't work right. I tested it on my own computer and it worked. So I told him that -- perfectly reasonable, I think, I was just reporting a fact.
His response was "Oh yeah, it works on your computer, that's what you always say."
No, that is not what I always say. I have said it a couple of times, when it was the truth.
I felt he was completely out of line and was accusing me of lying. I never did this before, but I wrote to the owner of the company (it's a small company and he knows me), and told him what happened.
So I wonder if I would be crazy not to quit, given that the manager obviously has no respect for me, and doesn't trust me.
I like the job, a lot, and it might be hard to get another part time job, especially at my age. I could probably survive without working, but it's really nice having extra money, and I like to work. I just don't like to work full time anymore.
I work as a professional software tester with about 18 years experience. I have learned over the years that the best approach for a situation like yours is to (1) avoid getting angry and exploding, (2) avoid the other extreme of withdrawal but (3) iterate and clarify.
My best guess is that the manager's claim that the software is not working is because his test environment does not have the same setup as your development environment. As a tester, I have seen this many times. For example, the developer may have Java SDK 1.8 on his environment but the tester (or manager) may have only Java SDK 1.6 which could cause a Java application to fail. The same thing often happens with .Net applications. There are different versions.
When I was in Tallahassee I worked with an older developer with a lot of experience. He was in his 50s. One day he asked me to test his ASP.net application. I did. It failed. He was shocked. The guy said he had tested it and it worked. I checked at his desk. It was because he was using a different version of Internet Explorer. His web application worked on his version but not my version of Internet Explorer.
So iterative and clarify to explore the setup conditions. Ask for a test case with details of steps, setup, preconditions, postconditions, etc. What about requirements? You coded against requirements that you interpreted in one way for your application, but the manager may have a different version of requirements and expected you to code it that way instead. I have seen that happen many times too.
It's best to iterate and clarify. Situations like this always come up at some point. It's very common.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
