Ever walk in for a job interview and after a minute in (literally) know the place isn't for you? (reputation, interest)

[nybbler]

Originally Posted by Nonesuch

Back before Dilbert jumped the shark, there was a saying in Information Technology that you could judge a workplace by the prevelance of Dilbert comics on cubicle. walls.

When you're in an office for an interview and going through the IT area, if you see tons of Dilbert cartoons posted, walk away, this job will suck out your soul.

If you see zero Dilbert cartoons, walk away faster.

I once modified a Dilbert to be specifically appropriate to my workplace and posted it on my cubicle (not the drunken lemurs one!). The site director walked by, saw it, and thought Scott Adams was really hitting close to home. My immediate boss was laughing for days about that one.

[Corvette Ministries]

It wasn't one minute in, but after interviewing with the manager, the first minute into the chat with the person I'd be replacing she pleaded, "Please take my job!" I walked, (no wait, I ran) towards the door.

[TechGromit]

Originally Posted by SparklesNShine

Yep. Five minutes into the interview, the HR rep asked me "If you were an animal, which one would you be and why?". I knew it was a done deal when I burst out laughing.

My standard answer to this is Human, which is scientifically a fact, but religion might say otherwise.

[Sreysrey]

This happened 5 days ago. I stepped out the elevator and the office is to the left. My excitement turned to annoyance when I saw the sign of a big MLM financial company. I stood in front of the doorway debating should I go in or not; decided to go into the elevator back within 1 minute.

20 mins later the "recruiter" texted me to ask if I am coming. I texted back I was there but turned around. Don't want to waste time.

The other time was for a simple commission job and interviewer was late. The job was so simple it shouldn't require 2nd or 3rd rounds of interview. They making it seem like a high paying corporate position so when asked me to go for 2nd round I declined. I declined any simple job that take long to conduct interview. Rediculous!

[mlulu23]

"1. Goat - consumes office supplies
2. Eagle - always watching colleagues
3. Tortoise - competitive
4. Panda - too accommodating
5. Penguin - caters to the suits
6. Dinosaur - cries ageism
7. Elephant - holds grudges
8. Ostrich - avoids confrontation"

This is complete psycho babble/rubbish. (Not the poster) It's pathetic that some HR departments actually use things like this as a reference when it has no bearing on reality whatsoever, rolling my eyes.

These creatures can be looked at in positive ways at least in one other way, and probably more. Why the negativism?

1. Goat - Great climbers.
2. Eagles - Soars the thermals. Cleans up other people's messes (dead things).
3. Tortoise - Slow but steady. Can take the heat.
4. Panda - They are associated with calm determination. Able to work alone without supervision.
5. Penguin - Terrific swimmers, and catchers of fish.
6. Dinosaur - Once ruled the earth. Mighty hunters.
7. Elephant - Very loyal. Able to do heavy work that others can't.
8. Ostrich - Are one of the fastest animals on the planet. Their kicks can kill a human. "An ostrich can kick your stomach out through your nose." They are formidable fighters. You want them on your side.

[Nonesuch]

Ever had an interviewer tell you that it could be a while before they can make you an offer, because the company is looking for a "diversity hire"?

Originally Posted by SparklesNShine

Yep. Five minutes into the interview, the HR rep asked me "If you were an animal, which one would you be and why?". I knew it was a done deal when I burst out laughing.

Here's the party line on the animal question. Or as BBC News claimed "the interviewer is more interested in how you get to an answer, versus what the answer might be.”

That said, the right answer is "Golden Retriever".

[mlulu23]

Here is a hilarious, but sobering expose on how ferocious ostriches really are from someone who raises them. Some guy asked if he could fight one, and win, lol. Now where the popular image of an ostrich with it's head in the sand came from idk, but it's not even the way they really are. Enjoy:


"We farmed African Ostriches (The bigger, more aggressive variety) for a few years, so I can give you some pretty sound advice.. Some facts to Consider before whipping out your guns of steel:

• Can run extremely fast (70 kmh / 45 mph).
• Can turn on the spot at near full speed, using their wings for balance.
• Territorial. You have a better chance if they know they're on your turf.
• Extremely difficult to throw off balance or wrestle. They're almost pure bone and muscle.
• Main attack techniques are surprise attacks and ambushes, forward kicking, high-speed bowling, and tearing.
• Your main defence is a large stick.. held as high as you can. This makes you taller than them, and they get scared. Also good for desperate whacking as a pitiful last line of defence when you decide you dont want to die after all.

You're still totally psyched to grind mince, eh? First off, you need to figure out if it wants to **** you up or not.
If it's top coat of feathers is black, its a male. so:

• If its legs, neck and beak are red, then its a mature male in mating season, and you'll die. No seriously - your guts on the ground before you know it's seen you (YAY!).
• If it's legs, neck and beak aren't red, then you just need to figure out what mood it's in. If you can get close to it with a decent fence between you and it, then you'll be able to get a good idea fairly quick.
• If it stands tall and booms (a very loud, whooping, chesty noise.. (I can barely describe it, but it'll freak you the **** out), it's expressing its awesomeness, and again, you'll die.
• If it stands tall and hisses (touch the tip of your tongue to your bottom teeth, the middle of your tongue to the top of your mouth, and and exhale), then it's annoyed.
• If it tries to eat your hair, then you're probably fine.. or if knows you're outside its territory.. have fun figuring that one out.

If it's top coat of feathers is brown, its a female. so:

• If it stands tall and hisses (touch the tip of your tongue to your bottom teeth, the middle of your tongue to the top of your mouth, and and exhale), then it's annoyed.
• If it tries to eat your hair, then you're probably fine.. or if knows you're outside its territory.. have fun figuring that one out.
• If it sits down and starts flapping its wings (they usually make clicking noise too), then it want's you to mate with it. You dont want to do this.

So, you've spotted your opponent.. time to unleash your fury!..
1) Get yourself a large sleeve of dark fabric, and wear it over your arm like a bracelet.
2) Get face to face with the monster, and talk sweetly and calmly.
3) Hold out your hand (flat), and let it peck you. srsly, It wont hurt for goodness sake. Stop crying.
4) Once you're on good terms (if its not performing a mating dance), fold your hand into a C shape with your thumb on top, and let it go for your thumb.
5) Grab onto the bottom of its beak, and don't let go! - you just pissed it off.
6) With your other hand, pull the sleeve over its head rendering it blind, and tricking it to believe its night time. dont let go.
7) Keep wrestling it (gently) and it will either sit down, or you can "drive" it whereever you want to go. (you can only push an Ostrich backwards, not forwards).
8) Revel in your outstanding masculinity.
9) ? ? ?
That wasn't so hard, right?
So, what could go wrong? Lets assume you're doing this in the wild rather than a nice controlled pen with rifles, 4x2 batons, and no gush of sudden fleeting bravado.
Scenario 1: You chase the ostrich with a stick. It runs away at 70km/h. you run at 12km/h for about 120m before you stop, bent over in your stupid mexican wrestlers outfit and heaving for more air. You question your judgement.
Scenario 2: You try to sneak up on the ostrich. It casually keeps a safe distance of a few metres, pretending to ignore you, but constantly watching you. 45 minutes pass before a large millipede crawls up your leg. You squawk in surprise, and the Ostrich trots off at a calm 40km/h.
Scenario 3: You try a different approach, and walk staunchly toward it. You're relaxed, and it doesn't seem to care. You dont see the hole its dug for a nest, and fall over on its egg. the egg hurts your face, but isn't damaged at all. You quietly stand up and shuffle away from the nest, but now she looks pissed off, and starts hissing at you. **** - this wasn't in the plan! You hear a fast patter of feet behind you, and spin your head around just in time to see the huge male coming for you. Its armoured chest slams into your face and shoulder, and as you go flying forward it tramples you into the dirt. Your rib is broken, your ears are ringing, and the dust sticks to the tears squirting into your eyes. You look up just to see it spinning around for another go. It plants its front foot down and launches back toward you. You drag yourself up, and prepare to run for dear life! You feel excruciating pain as you register whats happening - the Ostrich jumps in the air and its foot comes flying at your face, dragging downward, tearing holes in your skin, and tossing you back into the dirt. you think of home as it tramples you and tears at your stomach. Your head slumps to the side, and you can just make out other Ostriches coming at you. Elton John's "Circle of Life" plays in your head and you fade to black.
So, back to reality for a bit..
Ostrich pens/paddocks are fenced much like a deer pen. Reenforced 2m high fences are essential. We have a massive bend in top bar of one of these gates from a single kick. The male was going for my Dad's face. He jumped straight up, and then landed firmly on both feet. I've witnessed several other kicks like this, and it happens amazingly fast.
The feeding hut, made of thick plywood (maybe 8-10mm) has a clean hole from the talon of the same Ostrich, This time at Pelvis height. It was louder than a shotgun going off, and scared the hell out of him. Apparently Dad was too close to the female (he was topping up the feed through a hole in the wall).
Another (senseless, impulsive) family member was visiting another farm, and decided they wanted a feather in the Ostrich pen. The Male Ostrich in that pen was bright red at the time, but was hanging out at the other end of the pen and paying no attention, so she decided it'd be safe. She got a long way in (constantly watching them), and then the Male suddenly went for her. she got about 2 steps before he knocked her over and trampled her. She saw him spinning around so she sprinted for her life, and dived under the fence as it caught up to her. It proceeded to take out its rage on the fence. The guys watching didn't even have a chance to get over the fence to help her in that time, and I assure you, they were trying! She was very sore for weeks after that."

[Nov3]

OP:
With 18 months of job searching and now a spreadsheet to keep track of which companies I've interviewed with ...
I can sincerely say....I've wanted to rush out of each one! (Okay minus the one that I nailed the interview...got a verbal job offer,then three days later they rescinded).

I seriously want a crystal ball ...it will save hours upon hours of research,getting prepared,then receiving the highly staled cookie cutter response of: we decided on xyz to join our team. Good luck in your career quest!'

In a perfect world I want the company to be straight up: we are looking for: a ditzy 25-35 yr old girl..with four yrs degree in business. We want to pay $12.00 /hr ,and hope she never finds out her pay scale was to start at 17$. .... now nov3,we see you do not fall in that category ...so good riddance! (There I saved us both time).

[s1alker]

Once had a interview where they took me on a tour of the office. It was nothing but outdated equipment, broken furniture, ceiling appeared to be leaking and the tiles were rotted. When I went into the rest room one of the office employees was scrubbing the toilets. Apparently they could not afford janitorial service. I know it was a start up, but still....

[Tarzanman]

Originally Posted by TechGromit

I don't think enough employers give serious thought to the image they project to potential employees. While they are looking at an applicant how they are dress, how they hold themselves, there confidence, knowledge, etc, potential employees are judging potential employers too, are the carpets and furniture old and worn out? Cluttered cubicles and offices? Is the place clean? How happy the staff seems? Noise levels? Parking situation? etc. While it might not matter to you if your desperate to get a job, employers may not attract the best talent, no matter how much they are willing to pay if they project a bad impression to applicants.

Companies can get away with it because people often need the work/salary.