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[quote=JrzDefector;50348088]I adore my boss. He is the best boss I've ever had, frankly. Backs his employees up to no end and really works hard to accommodate us when we're having issues. However, he is abrupt and often unintentionally harsh. I let it roll off, but it really hurts the feelings of a couple of my coworkers. One in particular is integral to our team, and she takes his harshness very personally. He, I know, has no idea how he comes across and would be horrified if he realized she was hurt by his words, which are not even really critical or unfair, just blunt and uncushioned - no tact. He appreciates candid honesty.
I have encouraged her to talk to him, but I'm wondering if I should broach the topic with him since I worry she will only do so when she's completely fed up? I've got a ton of seniority at my company, have been there longer than anyone else except for one of the founding executives who is still with us. I'm known for getting along with everyone and when we had some difficult executives, I successfully coached some of my coworkers on how to deal with them. I'm also kind of my boss's second and take over a lot of his duties when he's out of the office, so we are kind of close (I have no illusions that I'm his favorite report or anything like that - we just work together on stuff a lot and he takes my opinions seriously). I just do not want the situation to come to a head - I work with this coworker very well and consider her effectiveness vital to my job performance, so I do have a personal investment in this. I feel like I'm watching a train wreck in progress, and everyone involved has the best of intentions.
However, I have no idea how to do this. The problem is really two different communication styles.
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I adore my boss. He is the best boss I've ever had, frankly. Backs his employees up to no end and really works hard to accommodate us when we're having issues.
Repeat this to your coworker. These types of managers are hard to come by and your coworker needs to appreciate that. As my daughter just said, blunt doesn't always mean rude. Wish more people understood the difference. People who are sensitive to the point that others feel the need to tiptoe around everything they say are not a joy to work with.
I don't think anyone should be put in a management role unless they have people's skills, and are trained to deal with different personalities. Generally the worst of the worst are put into management positions. (be it work ethic or personality and they have no business being there. They couldn't hack doing REAL Work so they are put in charge of it while not even being at least decent people who can communicate well with others. . Makes a lot of sense doesn't it??
It sounds like you have had some bad experiences with managers or have worked with some that might have had the technical skills but lacked in the soft skills.
I'm in management myself and sometimes I have seen where people are promoted based upon their technical skills and not a lot of thought is given to their interpersonal skills.
Some people have more interpersonal skills than others, and coaching can help develop these skills in people who need to develop them. Companies will sometimes send mixed messages about the importance of people skills to newly promoted managers. I recall years ago when I first got into leadership roles being given the speech about 'being there' for my people and then in the very next sentence being told that it was absolutely necessary that I get those people to hit production numbers every night and if they don't then there had better be a very good reason why it didn't happen.
Managers have pressure but that's not an excuse for treating people poorly or failing to communicate with them. The people who work for me (first line supervisors, team leaders and ultimately--hourly workers) are the ones who get the product out the door so I see them as the most important parts of the team. Of course they are going to get frequent communication and feedback!
There are times where as a manager I have to deal with someone not performing or otherwise being difficult. Those times are not pleasant but I prefer to first talk with the person and find out the "WHY" behind the behavior first. If it's a matter of "can't do" then I will be happy to provide re-training. If it's a matter of "won't do"...then there is another issue!
I don't think that all managers are necessarily bad. I've worked for good ones and crappy ones in my career.
There just seems to be a disconnect between mid and especially upper management and the people who do the actual work. The managers are frustrated because they don't get why the hourly people don't do this/that and the hourly people are frustrated because they feel like nobody talks with them.
TBH there's been maybe one or two places I've worked that have done management right. At my current place I'm in a good position and have changed how management interacts with hourly employees. Managers get out there on the shop floor and communicate with hourly people. They also adjust their hours a couple of times a week to be accessible to all 3 shifts. I've had a couple of people in leadership leave who don't like my style but overall the response has been positive.
Hopefully you find a good manager...or better yet work towards becoming a leader yourself and set the example for others.
Managers should be hired based on their people skills. Managers manage people. If you want someone to manage the technical aspects, that's what project managers are for. They handle both.
It sounds like you have had some bad experiences with managers or have worked with some that might have had the technical skills but lacked in the soft skills.
I'm in management myself and sometimes I have seen where people are promoted based upon their technical skills and not a lot of thought is given to their interpersonal skills.
Some people have more interpersonal skills than others, and coaching can help develop these skills in people who need to develop them. Companies will sometimes send mixed messages about the importance of people skills to newly promoted managers. I recall years ago when I first got into leadership roles being given the speech about 'being there' for my people and then in the very next sentence being told that it was absolutely necessary that I get those people to hit production numbers every night and if they don't then there had better be a very good reason why it didn't happen.
Managers have pressure but that's not an excuse for treating people poorly or failing to communicate with them. The people who work for me (first line supervisors, team leaders and ultimately--hourly workers) are the ones who get the product out the door so I see them as the most important parts of the team. Of course they are going to get frequent communication and feedback!
There are times where as a manager I have to deal with someone not performing or otherwise being difficult. Those times are not pleasant but I prefer to first talk with the person and find out the "WHY" behind the behavior first. If it's a matter of "can't do" then I will be happy to provide re-training. If it's a matter of "won't do"...then there is another issue!
I don't think that all managers are necessarily bad. I've worked for good ones and crappy ones in my career.
There just seems to be a disconnect between mid and especially upper management and the people who do the actual work. The managers are frustrated because they don't get why the hourly people don't do this/that and the hourly people are frustrated because they feel like nobody talks with them.
TBH there's been maybe one or two places I've worked that have done management right. At my current place I'm in a good position and have changed how management interacts with hourly employees. Managers get out there on the shop floor and communicate with hourly people. They also adjust their hours a couple of times a week to be accessible to all 3 shifts. I've had a couple of people in leadership leave who don't like my style but overall the response has been positive.
Hopefully you find a good manager...or better yet work towards becoming a leader yourself and set the example for others.
I have no desire babysitting and be forced to BS in meetings all day with the upper managerial overpaid sociopaths. I won't lie and BS and candy coat things I think are wrong. . Middle management is such a horrible position to be in. But I don't think its far-fetched and unreasonable to at least expect those in management positions to be trained , held accountabe, and exhibit proper people skills and have some knowledge of the operation they are held accountable for as well.
I dont think ALL managers are bad either. The majority are and have no business being there but the company turns a blind eye to their psychopathy and ineptness
There are also employees that are so super sensitive, that it is almost impossible for a manager to work with them. This is why at interviews they will be asked questions that are not about the job itself, but to find if they are able to work out an answer if they are asked a question that is not part of the job description. It is to find if they can handle pressure when something unknown is thrown at them. The super sensitive applicant will get flustered and finds they cannot come up with answers. This is the employee that is hard to work with for blunt bosses. They are shown to have problems with interviews and are not hired.
The goal is to hire employees that can both do the job, and receive advice and criticism without being all hurt and unable to really work with a boss that does not sugar coat everything. The employees and the boss will have the type of relationship the OP has with his boss, if they are the best type for the job. If they are the type of the employee he is talking about in his original post, they really are not the ones for a job with any pressure.
OP work with the super sensitive employee, not the boss. That is where the problem is, someone that needs their hands held and never put under pressure. This is the one that needs to wake up and adapt, is not the boss who just wants to tell the employees like he does you, and you love him as a boss. He does not have the time to sugar coat everything, and soft peddle things with the extra sensitive employee as you describe that employee to be.
Back in my navy days I was transferred from the Naval Air Transport Squadron at Barbers Point to Alameda California to the only big seaplane squadron in the world. Planes even had two decks so there was a top one and a bottom one. We could handle 44 passengers and another 44 pounds of cargo on a flight to Hawaii. Planes were sea planes, that took off and landed on water and were pulled into u shaped docks. I was brought back to be Air Terminal Chief, working 24 on and 24 off. My section leaders were one first class, and one second class, while I was only a third class. The air terminal chief was retiring, and I was the only replacement for him available in the Western Command.
First day was Friday with no flights out and only one early flight arriving about 8 a.m. when our shift started. The rest of the day was spent on a field day, which means deep cleaning the air terminal. The section leaders did not want to work for me, as they both had higher rates, so the cleaning was done real slow, so we would not pass inspection and get me demoted. I sent them to lunch at 12 noon. At 1 p.m. civilian time, I had he two section leaders take the phone watch and the other building security which meant that he just walked around the 2 story building as fire watch. The rest were put in a 4 wide formation, and 4 were told to as they passed the corner of the building to call out for a right turn and set them marching around the building and only I could call a halt.
The commanding officer and his aid walked down from the hanger to give his inspection. About the third time around the building, they arrived and I called a halt. The CO wanted wanted to know what was going on. I explained this was my first day, and I had a rebellion on my hands to get rid of me, and I was going to march them for a while to take the starch out of them, and the building was not ready for inspection. The two higher rated petty officers were hanging out the windows, wanting to hear me taken down. The CO asked if I would do a white glove inspection, before they could go to evening meal. I told him yes, and it would be ready for a pure white glove inspection, meaning the white glove would be put on and everything checked to make sure it did not dirty the glove. He said remember that the latest they could eat, would be box lunches at 11 p.m. (2300 Navy time). We saluted each other and as he told his aid to mark the building met white glove inspection level as they walked back to the hanger. I had them circle the building twice more, called them to a halt, and told them if they were ready to go back to work they could leave the formation and get to work, and anyone that did not want to do the cleaning to remain for more marching. Boy did they go to work. The two section leaders leading the rebellion, lead the work as they should have been doing all that morning. By 4 p.m. the building passed the white glove inspection and I released them to go to chow (dinner). The section leaders talked about me, and wondered how I could get away with what I had done, but told everyone they could tell by the COs attitude, he was behind me not them.
They did not know I had been in that squadron before, and knew the CO very well, and knew he would back me doing something like this. That was the end of the rebellion, and they knew who was in charge.
I am telling this story, to say that every time the manager cannot just baby sit a super sensitive employee as the OP is talking about. They don't have time to play games. They have a job to do. The employees that are normal may love the boss, and the super sensitive person like the OP describes this employee, may have to be transferred or let go, as they are the problem, not the manager.
I adore my boss. He is the best boss I've ever had, frankly. Backs his employees up to no end and really works hard to accommodate us when we're having issues. ....
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
- the only reason I'm thinking about speaking up is because my coworker seems like she might respond in the heat of the moment one day, and I don't want the situation to get blown out of proportion. A very sensitive person coming up against someone with no tact is never a good situation..
These two paragraphs don't jibe with one another. If he's getting into "discussions" with employees where you worry about how that employee "might respond in the heat of the moment" then that's neither a good boss nor even just simple rudeness. Even the fact that you've come here to ask opinions shows that you are concerned he won't take it well if you bring it up.
If he truly is the best boss ever and just doesn't know how he comes across, then bring it up. Because the negative atmosphere will cost over the long term.
I adore my boss. He is the best boss I've ever had, frankly. Backs his employees up to no end and really works hard to accommodate us when we're having issues. However, he is abrupt and often unintentionally harsh. I let it roll off, but it really hurts the feelings of a couple of my coworkers. One in particular is integral to our team, and she takes his harshness very personally. He, I know, has no idea how he comes across and would be horrified if he realized she was hurt by his words, which are not even really critical or unfair, just blunt and uncushioned - no tact. He appreciates candid honesty.
I have encouraged her to talk to him, but I'm wondering if I should broach the topic with him since I worry she will only do so when she's completely fed up? I've got a ton of seniority at my company, have been there longer than anyone else except for one of the founding executives who is still with us. I'm known for getting along with everyone and when we had some difficult executives, I successfully coached some of my coworkers on how to deal with them. I'm also kind of my boss's second and take over a lot of his duties when he's out of the office, so we are kind of close (I have no illusions that I'm his favorite report or anything like that - we just work together on stuff a lot and he takes my opinions seriously). I just do not want the situation to come to a head - I work with this coworker very well and consider her effectiveness vital to my job performance, so I do have a personal investment in this. I feel like I'm watching a train wreck in progress, and everyone involved has the best of intentions.
However, I have no idea how to do this. The problem is really two different communication styles.
definitely bring this up to your boss- it's called "managing up" meaning that just because you're a subordinate doesn't mean that you can't also coach your boss. Do it tactfully, of course; but as you said- your boss would be horrified to know he was being taken this way. It's best for everyone to broach the topic - i would offer him an example and remember not to call out the specific employee (that would likely embarrass her) and this is a broader issue, others may have the same feelings and not say anything.
edited to add: I have a boss that is also one of the best i have ever had- he always asks his team (senior employees) to provide feedback if he comes across too harshly (he's passionate) or anything else of concern, and honestly means it. We do provide him that feedback, and he sincerely appreciates it. All of his directs love working for him; and it shows! The respect goes both ways; honesty and openness are valued.
best of luck!
Last edited by jribe; 12-10-2017 at 09:59 AM..
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