I'm Overwhelmed (licenses, profit, college degree, employers)

[kokonutty]

Originally Posted by JerZ

But I feel like such a stupid friggin' stump, Mr. Geek.

I mean WHO doesn't have a degree? I speak to people very single day who can't put two words together and have a degree.

So what does that say about me?

I think the poster who said I need therapy is right, LOL. (Please, all who know me here, withhold your applause at that statement.)

Well, when you finish spending the money and dragging yourself to classes that are beating you, you can hang that degree on the wall in your kitchen. Do you really think that will change your life or make you feel better about yourself? You'll have the time back that you now spend going to school so you can write more and maybe get up to $1200 a month - if no more jobs are sent to the lowest bidder. Do you really think that will make your husband or you feel better?

Yes, talk to someone about this.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by JerZ

I guess I just need to vent.

I keep "freezing up" and this has been an issue all my working life (I'm now 50). So I guess I'd love to know, too, what others who experience this do about it.

I work from home as I have two special needs children and childcare is quite expensive. In addition, their schedules, half days here, weeks there, plus illnesses mean I'd be calling in or taking off early all the time, something NO boss wants and a thing I struggled with for 17 years as a single parent prior to having these two younger ones, now ages 11 and 14.

I am a freelancer. I write. For years I wrote for just one person. I made about $1K/month. Though that doesn't sound like much, it was a help to my household (my husband makes by far the larger income), I was able to keep up with a clean house, my children's appointments and everything else. I was also learning the violin and was on a walking and workout schedule.

Now I am back in school. It is daily. My class is VERY TAXING. It is HARD. I get home and hit the ground running trying to do my work for this one client. But now suddenly he has run into hard times and my hours with him have been cut in half. That means the money is cut in half, too. I immediately applied at Upwork and I have been getting jobs there ever since and have made up the difference, but the work is a billion times more taxing than it has been for my boss. It's something different each time, you never know when clients will leave a meh review for some inscrutable reason, it is just scary and constantly uncertain.

I am sinking. I came back on here to avoid, actually. I know that's what I've been doing. Because I can't seem to make headway and I'm stuck and terrified and I hate this awful feeling. I feel like if I drop the ball on just ONE thing I screw everything up. Everything. If I fail this class I will have wasted my and my husband's money and my time, my average will go down and I'll...just be a failure. If I fail with my longterm client as I can't give him the same attention I used to due to the new work, maybe he'll ditch me entirely for half-arsed writers from overseas who charge squat. He has already turned some work over to a woman he claims asks for $500/month for 40 hours/week of work. (Whatttt?) If I fail at these other jobs I'm taking for Upwork I will get negative reviews which could snowball everything so that nobody ever hires me and my family income goes down.

I am frozen right now. I can't face that page. I can't. I can't write. (Well, I'm writing here...I mean, write with an ax over my head that I. BETTER. NOT. EFF. IT. UP.) Meanwhile I haven't played violin in three weeks. I am struggling to get my workouts in. My kids think I'm a stranger. I have so much homework and I can't seem to concentrate and memorize...I am a mess.

OMG I am so, so tired.

Sunday night I was so terrified of a school test that I didn't sleep. I mean that. I literally did not sleep. I lay there staring. I then went to school and did my whole day feeling like I was in some sort of weird dream state. Last night I slept a little, about five hours. Today I wanted to KILL a new writing project I got for Upwork but...I...I don't know. I felt woozy and weird from all the lack of sleep and I took a nap and now I'm behind the 8-ball AGAIN. I will be up until midnight trying to get my work done. Like last night.

Somebody help. I'm drowning. What is wrong with me that I can't manage a normal work week plus school??? Other people do it. How can I be this terrified and frozen of facing the work page when I can sit here and type 800 words on CD? The thought of perhaps being told my work isn't good freezes my fingers and...I just can't all of a sudden...it is an awful feeling.

What is my character flaw? Where do I start? How do I un-freeze? I feel like a failure. Please...any help. Or just an ear...thanks.

Know we dont see eye to eye.....ever. But seriously, I think you are in over your head over a degree that isn't necessary as others are pointing out. I'm working FT 45 hrs a week and finishing my Masters (out of necessity) and I tried having a GF at the same time and something had to give and it was the GF.

I couldn't imagine juggling special needs kids alone by themselves. That a job, and school, I seriously don't think Superman could handle that load.

If our exchanges in the relationships forum are any marker, you definitely don't need that degree to write well. I understand the sense of accomplishment earning a degree can bring. But in your case, I dont think it is worth working and stressing over, since with your talent you don't really need it.

[the minx]

Originally Posted by charlygal

So basically, you are suffering from self created problems. Want to feel better? Undo the problems you created.

1. Choose to love and accept yourself without a degree.
2. Choose to believe your husband when he says It's your decision
3. Want more income? Create your own writing related business.

This is probably not what OP wants to read but it's true. You have power over a lot of your suffering, JerZ.

There are a lot of options for writers. Editing jobs are pretty popular at home jobs. Writing, of course. Tutoring online.

Also, my company just recently stopped requiring degrees for a lot of positions. It's simply not necessary or a true indicator of intelligence or ability.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by the minx

This is probably not what OP wants to read but it's true. You have power over a lot of your suffering, JerZ.

There are a lot of options for writers. Editing jobs are pretty popular at home jobs. Writing, of course. Tutoring online.

Also, my company just recently stopped requiring degrees for a lot of positions. It's simply not necessary or a true indicator of intelligence or ability.

Well, no, this is what I wanted to hear. I wanted input in the middle of kind of panicking. So it's all good.

Yes, I do write from home.

[odanny]

You have two special needs children, you work full time, now you are back in school? Seriously? Let me tell you this: No matter how much money you may, or may not, make, no matter what kind of review you may, or may not, get, no matter what your inevitable job result will be, you are not anything close to a failure. Your life is a success, and you are a success. Don't let some stressful, demanding, underpaying job take that from you, because you've earned it.

And I do wish you luck with your job and your education, you are a very busy woman, it's amazing what you are accomplishing every day, it truly is!

[JerZ]

These comments are so beautiful. Thanks, guys.

I threw everything aside this afternoon and took my kids out and we had fun. Back on the computer while they finish homework (I got them started) while I do a little research for a project (paid). I appreciate the input so much.

[M3 Mitch]

When I hired on to my job in 1991, I joined a cohort that mostly had BS degrees. One peer did not have a degree, but, he had run his own business (a print shop) for quite a few years. I, personally, would rate that higher than a freshly minted BBA. Just sayin'.

An anecdote. A lawyer's wife calls him at work, says the kitchen sink won't drain. OK, he says, call the plumber. Plumber is just finishing up as the lawyer gets home. Plumber bills the lawyer for $200, for about 15 minutes work. Lawyer says, "Hey, that's $800 an hour, I don't even charge half that much for my time!" Plumber grins and says "Yeah, I never made this kind of money practicing law myself."

So while a degree is a fine thing, there are other "alternative qualifications" that can be more valuable.

[klaucka]

Originally Posted by JerZ

But I feel like such a stupid friggin' stump, Mr. Geek.

I mean WHO doesn't have a degree? I speak to people very single day who can't put two words together and have a degree.

So what does that say about me?

I think the poster who said I need therapy is right, LOL. (Please, all who know me here, withhold your applause at that statement.)

I mean this in a very kind manner, you do need therapy -not because there is anything wrong with you, but because you have this story (everyone has a degree, a degree will make me more worthy...) that is causing you an immense amount of unnecessary stress. If you aren’t enjoying the process of being in school (and who could with your work load and caring for children), and it is clear it isn’t bringing you any happiness at all in the current moment, then why do it? Some kind of short-term therapy, such as CBT, with an immediate goal of recrafting this negative self-dialog is all that is needed, or maybe just venting and getting some validation on this thread will help . You can always go back to school when the kids are older and you are retired, there isn’t any real rush since this will not have an impact on your earning potential. And even if you get the piece of paper that says you have a degree, the negative thinking will just take on a new dialog.

I say this as someone who works with a lot of advanced degreed, Ivy Leaguers - of course my lowly state university degree isn’t enough - so I can emphathize with you and admit I don’t practice what I preach . But you are a PAID WRITER, something people with even post graduated degrees from top tier universities cannot do - so you are definitely capable of getting an undergrad degree .

[goodlife36]

I appreciate this thread and the advice the CD family has given. I am in a similar position. I want my Master's Degree but it has eluded me. I cannot believe how many of my former classmates have Master's Degrees. Some have multiple degrees.

The degree could possibly help advance my career but I want it simply to hang on the wall. I guess it is for personal enrichment. It would make me feel better about myself. I also want to own a beautiful home in a great neighborhood. I believe it will help secure my future but it would also make feel better about myself.

You are definitely capable of completing a B.A because of your grade point average. I think the problem is you are trying to do too much at once. Scale things back a bit and have a heart to heart with your beloved. He probably has no idea that he is putting too much pressure on you. He probably feels that he is encouraging.

When I start school, I do not plan to take more than one class at a time. Thankfully, school is a little more flexible today. I have four years to complete the degree and it may take that long. Who cares? Four years will go by regardless.

It is important to feel good about yourself. Our accomplishments play a huge role in attaining this. Just pace yourself. Good luck!

[Toto7SC]

Originally Posted by JerZ

These comments are so beautiful. Thanks, guys.

I threw everything aside this afternoon and took my kids out and we had fun.

Best thing you could have done. I think you need to keep telling yourself what matters in life.
You have a husband (that makes good money which provides security to all of you), you have kids that you love, and you have the privilege to do what you hopefully love (writing) from home.

If you think about it. You have got it made. You just need to get the idea out of your head that the degree makes you a better person or improves your life.

Focus on your kids and writing and enjoy life again.