Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-04-2018, 10:24 AM
 
28,107 posts, read 63,427,107 times
Reputation: 23222

Advertisements

Or they simply want nothing to do with anything remotely related to that time in their career and you are collateral damage.

The depressed person I was thinking of clearly said she was depressed... said the company did her wrong... was told her position was secure and was instrumental in the transition... the same week the year long merger was complete... her salaried manager position was eliminated and she was to clock in and clock out as hourly...

It did send ripples through the organization as she was the Operating Room Director...

Right or wrong... she said there must be some mistake and was told no with the offer of counseling to deal with change... she got up and walked out the door to never set foot on company property again... not even to pack her office... 31 years and well liked by staff and docs...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-04-2018, 10:46 AM
 
Location: The Ozone Layer, apparently...
4,005 posts, read 2,061,103 times
Reputation: 7714
There has been a lot of downsizing in Medicine. Being in her position for 31 years, I'm sure she has a nice retirement/severance package that administration may not wish to see grow any larger. That has certainly been the trend.

I'm sure she wasn't happy, but I doubt she was truly clinically depressed. It takes a lot of strength to just stand and quietly walk away with your dignity in tact. Honestly, that is the way I would like to go, when I'm ready. Head held high and dignity intact.

Where I work, many are retiring, and unlike in years past, you don't even know it until they are long gone. Maybe they will get together with a few real friends but no big retirement parties for most anymore. On the bright side, where I work has gotten so sparse that we cant even make a profit anymore. Now that the higher salaried people, for better or not, are gone, those positions have to be reopened again. It's at least nice to see hiring being talked about again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2018, 11:04 AM
 
28,107 posts, read 63,427,107 times
Reputation: 23222
There was a time when it seemed like one retirement party after another... can't remember the last time I went to one...

Like you said... people ask where is so and so and then learn they retired or left.

It use to be a big deal if someone was out ill... staff would help out and bring food over or do shopping...

That pretty much stopped with all the privacy regulations...

I was working on a project for accreditation... Jim missed a deadline and I was not able to reach him... all I could learn officially is Jim was out indefinitely...

The personal family like atmosphere we were known for from being a small community Hospital simply doesn't exist anymore since we are part of a 100,000 employee organization.

As to the being out indefinitely... back in 1996 one of the billing ladies found she had bone cancer... it was quite serious... she also had two young children to support...

The Hospital CEO and staff worked together to keep her on payroll for months when 100% of the employees donated PTO to her... some could only donate an hour.. one donated 40 hours... the company newsletter kept us up to date on her progress and so as not to overwhelm we coordinated support efforts...

Happy to say she recovered after months of treatment at Stanford and kept working another 20 years...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2018, 12:22 PM
 
1,153 posts, read 1,041,444 times
Reputation: 4358
You can get a little close, but never too close. I've gone shooting a couple times, once or twice to the gym with another guy when I got him a free pass, but yeah, when it comes to hanging out....I've got plenty of other people for that.

Glad to hear about one where people pooled resources to help a lady with bone cancer out. Another reason to be nice to people at least.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2018, 03:56 PM
 
Location: TN/NC
34,848 posts, read 30,929,707 times
Reputation: 47173
I try to be polite and professional, and help where I can. Aside from rather mundane personal details I wouldn't mind the public to know, I try to avoid getting involved with them personally.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2018, 09:17 PM
 
Location: Southern California
12,662 posts, read 14,795,835 times
Reputation: 15156
Yep, some people just don't care. They're just friends w/ you to help make work pleasant at the time & that's it. They may get together w/ you a time or two even outside of work so you think they're a good, nice person, BUT once they quit the job, so do they on the "friendship"...but they'll make sure to USE you for a reference.

No one's ever used me like that. But, as long as they didn't hurt you physically OR steal from you, what can you do. Move on & try to still make the best of it at work.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-04-2018, 09:23 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,020,721 times
Reputation: 22693
Quote:
Originally Posted by whateverblahblah View Post
I work with a guy (let's call him Ralph) who had a best bud at work who he talked to constantly (let's call him Josh), and they would eat lunch together all the time. They had a very friendly relationship.

Well, Josh got crosswise with the boss and quit. Josh called Ralph, who agreed to be his reference. Josh gets a number of interviews over the next couple of months, which he tells Ralph about. Well, after a couple of weeks from the interviews, Ralph doesn't hear anything from Josh, so he calls him and leaves a voicemail. Josh doesn't respond. He then leaves another voicemail asking Josh if he wants to eat dinner with him sometime. No response.

Ralph then does a Google search and finds on a social media website that Josh moved to a different city. Ralph tried contacting him through there, and again he didn't receive a response.

That's happened to me as well, although I make it a point now to never get close to coworkers. I tried to contact an old coworker once who I was on good terms with, and I didn't get a response. He just didn't care.
People's lives change and they move on. It is really hard to keep up with them if you don't see them every day, at work or where ever. It takes a monumental effort. Especially if their mutual interest changes through a move or job change.

Ralph, in this case should not take it personally. It is no reflection on him and being a "friend" and even doing a favor for someone by offering to be a reference does not obligate someone forever.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2018, 01:01 AM
 
4,633 posts, read 3,434,604 times
Reputation: 6322
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
People's lives change and they move on. It is really hard to keep up with them if you don't see them every day, at work or where ever. It takes a monumental effort.

Does it take a "monumental" effort though? I've always been pretty good at staying in touch with people. It's something I enjoy. But I'm now at the age where I won't put forth the effort if others don't. It's not a tit-for-tat thing. After a certain point, they are communicating that they don't value the relationship. So I'll honor that and find people who will. We all get 24 hours each day. People make time for the things they care about.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2018, 07:24 AM
 
10,226 posts, read 7,503,957 times
Reputation: 23155
Quote:
Originally Posted by whateverblahblah View Post
I work with a guy (let's call him Ralph) who had a best bud at work who he talked to constantly (let's call him Josh), and they would eat lunch together all the time. They had a very friendly relationship.

Well, Josh got crosswise with the boss and quit. Josh called Ralph, who agreed to be his reference. Josh gets a number of interviews over the next couple of months, which he tells Ralph about. Well, after a couple of weeks from the interviews, Ralph doesn't hear anything from Josh, so he calls him and leaves a voicemail. Josh doesn't respond. He then leaves another voicemail asking Josh if he wants to eat dinner with him sometime. No response.

Ralph then does a Google search and finds on a social media website that Josh moved to a different city. Ralph tried contacting him through there, and again he didn't receive a response.

That's happened to me as well, although I make it a point now to never get close to coworkers. I tried to contact an old coworker once who I was on good terms with, and I didn't get a response. He just didn't care.
This is true, no matter what field of work the coworkers are in. I see threads about how close firefighters or policy or whatever are. They may be closer than in other fields, but they are not really family. Because once they leave, they often lose contact with each other, just like everybody else.

This same thing your post describes has happened to me. It's hurtful to think you have a friend, only to find out they didn't feel the same toward you.

I think part of it may sometimes be that they are envious of you, or you remind them of the past. After all, they had to leave (in some instances), but you didn't.

I've been hurt more than once, when I tried to keep contact with who I thought was a good friend. They weren't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-05-2018, 01:52 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,020,721 times
Reputation: 22693
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post

I've been hurt more than once, when I tried to keep contact with who I thought was a good friend. They weren't.
The only true friends that you have are the ones you made when you were a kid and have kept up with. "New friends" are just people who usually only bother to make a connection when they want or need something, and are generally "too busy" the rest of the time to bother.

Sad truth, I'm afraid.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top