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I work in an office environment with the company of about 40 people. In the office itself there are 10 of us. I’m currently looking for another job because I’m not happy about the insistence to hang out after work.
I’m a married woman and the majority of my colleagues are single. I would much rather go home and spend time with my husband after I get out of work. So I often decline for after work invites. The other day my colleague made a comment about how I often turn down invites from some of the other coworkers. Because of this they think I’m unfriendly. I was told they consider me professional and to be a team player. But they don’t like that I don’t want to hang out with them.
I’m currently interviewing with other companies so I’m excited to move on. But what is the best way to deal with this in the meantime?
Just tell them that you are married, and do not like to participate in the bar scene. Invite them to church. Start showing baby pics, or pics of your pets. They will eventually leave you alone.
I would not leave a good job for this reason....Try the above things first. Any other job may turn out to have the same politics.
I was a single divorcee, but I still didn't want to join the after work bar party's. I finally did out of desperation, they wouldn't leave me alone either...and because I don't believe in drinking and driving I had my usual cola.
They spent all evening harassing me because I wasn't drinking, .....So I got exactly what I thought would happen, and why I had been avoiding going. The one thing that did come of it...They quit asking me to go.
You also might simply say to the group....That you are a friend, just not an available friend. Short and sweet.
I work in an office environment with the company of about 40 people. In the office itself there are 10 of us. I’m currently looking for another job because I’m not happy about the insistence to hang out after work.
I’m a married woman and the majority of my colleagues are single. I would much rather go home and spend time with my husband after I get out of work. So I often decline for after work invites. The other day my colleague made a comment about how I often turn down invites from some of the other coworkers. Because of this they think I’m unfriendly. I was told they consider me professional and to be a team player. But they don’t like that I don’t want to hang out with them.
I’m currently interviewing with other companies so I’m excited to move on. But what is the best way to deal with this in the meantime?
All of the bolded was relayed to you? Or just some of it and you are filling in the gaps? And when you (or they) said they don't like that you don't want to hang out w/ them. Is this real animosity toward you or just more of a friendly ribbing but they really do understand?
Unless the work is no longer challenging, or people are making comments to the point where you are no longer comfortable even going to work, I think it's a bit extreme to look for a new job simply because your co-workers would prefer you to hang out with them. And unfortunately, this is really a social norm. So finding a new job may not solve this issue. Have you made it pretty clear that this is mainly due to family obligations?
In the end, there is no "BEST" way to deal with it. But really just what's "best for you". Which isn't something strangers on a social media platform can really answer.... albeit I guess ideas can be presented.
I would just sit down and tell the co-worker you feel you have the best situation with your situation. Just say I like you guys but when you are married with 2 kids happy hour just isn't in the cards. They should understand, if they don't that's no them not you.
Unfortunately a growing trend at least in some areas of the country is for people to spend more time socializing at work and paying less attention to the reason they are there. That is of course doing your job and providing quality service to customers or creating products for customers. It's an ego problem more than anything. People in some places have become so self absorbed they think the world revolves around them.
The Goose Step is the New Step today. Many work environments are comprised of people that seem to think everyone that works there should walk, talk, think, look and behave alike. Not a healthy work environment to be honest. Everyone has different skills, a different personality and interests and people need to learn again to accept that fact. Not everyone has the time to spend after work socializing with their co workers or can date co workers. You may not be compatible on a social level which would then make sense for people to just work together and they can find the social life outside of work. People need to deal with this and grow up.
You may want to talk to a supervisor about this if the problem continues. If your co workers won't let it go, THEY have the problem, not you. As long as your work performance is adequate then they need to butt out of your personal life.
OP, I worked for the same company for 15 years and did not socialize after work one time.
Do not change your lifestyle choices just to *gain good credit, shut them up, or be badgered and bullied into doing something you do not want to do*.
You also do not need to explain anything to anyone however, if you feel the need at some point just respond with
*I appreciate the invitation but my Husband and I have plans* (repeat as often as necessary).
Any issue your coworkers have is theirs alone and you are not responsible nor obligated to fix them or their issues.
OP, I worked for the same company for 15 years and did not socialize after work one time.
Do not change your lifestyle choices just to *gain good credit, shut them up, or be badgered and bullied into doing something you do not want to do*.
You also do not need to explain anything to anyone however, if you feel the need at some point just respond with
*I appreciate the invitation but my Husband and I have plans* (repeat as often as necessary).
Any issue your coworkers have is theirs alone and you are not responsible nor obligated to fix them or their issues.
I'm very surprised a group of single coworkers would think that a married mother would want to tag along. I can see extending an invite to be cordial, but after it's declined, I'm not sure why they keep pressing the issue.
Evidently your coworkers may be a bunch of party animals where as you may have responsibilities. I wouldn't care what they thought and I would not change just to please them. I'm sure there is an HR department if any snubbery or name calling were to start and if it did, I'd let the HR people know.
Good luck
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