One-way "casualness" at work- "I can make a "joke" about you/slap you on the back but you can't with me! (employee, job)

[Jowel]

This thread is inspired by a recent post I saw where the OP mentioned a boss who was too close of a talker to the point that it made her uncomfortable. As I was reading that thread, I got to thinking of a broader question. This question could be in a non-work environment (and I thought about posting it in another sub-forum), but it applies mostly to work because in our other relationships, typically we don't have those hierarchical issues to contend with.

I'm primarily talking about those behaviors that come from a client/boss, etc. when they feel as if they can behave much more casually than the other person is made to feel they can behave around them. I don't have a specific issue that I'm needing to address, but this is something I've always just thought about in general from various experiences I've known about in general. Here are a few examples of what this could look like:

1. A classic from the movie "Office Space" (if I'm getting this right) is when one of Peter Gibbons' bosses (Dom) is counseling Peter on the cover sheet for his TPS report. At the end of the discussion, Dom slaps Peter on the back with a big grin saying "If you could just remember to do that from now on, that would be great." In a later scene after Peter has been hypnotized and becomes relaxed about work-related matters, he slaps Dom on the back, and Dom looks at him as if to say "WTF??? You don't get to do that to me!"

2. A client (and client doesn't necessarily mean the employee's client, it is more generally meaning the organization/company's client) makes a "joke" ("good humored" of course ) about an employee that the person wonders..."Hmmmm, I wonder if I made the same kind of "joke" about them whether they would be so giddy and happy go lucky about it.??"

3. Employee is in the middle of a business (not personal) discussion on the phone, trying to concentrate on their work. Big cheese in the company walks in and starts talking loudly to someone next door (maybe some "good natured joking" about some non-work related topic to the point that the person has a hard time hearing what is going on. Big cheese isn't really concerned about making a disturbance, after all, who could be upset by "good natured joking?" But wonder if big cheese would see the same behavior as jolly ole' fun if this were done by the same employee in front of their space when they were in the middle of a business matter.

Of course, if something clearly crosses a line that shouldn't matter regardless of the offender's position and it's also important for someone to set boundaries. But the boundaries are often applied very differently depending on who is doing the behavior. If the wrong (i.e. less "powerful" in the given relationship) person is doing it, then suddenly it isn't seen as such "good natured fun" anymore, right??

[Parnassia]

Well, guess I'd remind myself that no one can fault me for behaving a bit more reserved and polite than for playing the boor or the fool. Which impression would you rather leave others, including bystanders, with?

[selhars]

It's sort of similar to any number of double-standards one may encounter in life. But, as you say, at work and on the job, the power structure is a factor.

Of course no boss or manager would appreciate it if an underling (or even equal, for that matter) came around making a lot of UNnwork-related noise or conversation if that boss were on the phone or trying to get work done. But when the boss does it, it's supposed to be OK.

I'm so thankful that for decades I was in a professional high-level work environment where most people didn't take it personally when you asked them to keep the noise down, or said "I can't talk now I'm on deadline." It was an environment where for the most part, people understood that the JOB comes first, and getting the job done is the priority. So when a person would say, "I'm on deadline" -- that's it, that means they've GOT to get this work out. You stopped talking to them or lowered your voice (if you were talking to others and it was too noisy) -- so they could get their work done.

As far as the overall double standard of bosses getting away with things others can't do, or bosses reprimanding people for doing things those bosses also do....for the most part I expect that people are not perfect, and they're the boss so they get to be a hypocrite, and the worker doesn't. Crap travels downhill. Unfortunately, that's life at work for some people. And it's more likely to happen when the WRONG PEOPLE get promoted to management positions. Which I'm sure we all know happens all too often and is likely the rule versus being the exception. And that's just one thing that's sad about it.

[Serious Conversation]

I try to be polite and cordial, but not personally friendly or forthcoming. I'd imagine this requires walking the same lines.

[Huckleberry3911948]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this
It was the case most of my working life
The opposite sex clients and bosses alike treated me in a manner which if I had done would have got me fired in a jiffy
But I retired early and they are still where I found them
So enduring does have its reward
But the chip on my should is noticeable I hope it goes away soon

[Jowel]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

I am so sorry you are experiencing this
It was the case most of my working life
The opposite sex clients and bosses alike treated me in a manner which if I had done would have got me fired in a jiffy
But I retired early and they are still where I found them
So enduring does have its reward
But the chip on my should is noticeable I hope it goes away soon

Thanks (and thanks to the other replies as well) but to clarify, I'm not the one experiencing it. It was a discussion that I was having with someone else who has dealt with this and the topic grabbed me. It was posed as more of a general discussion question and I was curious to see if others have the same observation. I'm sure most people have dealt with this at some level during their lives.