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Old 07-17-2018, 07:52 AM
 
13,395 posts, read 13,429,261 times
Reputation: 35711

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All this stuff about the OP's permanent personnel record is BS. No one keeps such comments in a record or would tell them to a new employer.
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Old 07-17-2018, 08:00 AM
 
211 posts, read 265,797 times
Reputation: 901
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
The OP is a big pill, they were asked to attend a going away lunch for a coworker and didn't go, that's being ridiculous.

You put on your big boy/girl pants and suck it up for an hour or two.
And what if he doesn't know very well or can even barely tolerate this coworker? That's the problem with forced socialization, it's phony as hell.
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Old 07-17-2018, 08:11 AM
 
2,109 posts, read 1,302,781 times
Reputation: 6016
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
I guess I should clarify: these are during work hours, and we don't have to use our own time. But I mean, good grief, even families no longer sit around a table and eat a meal together and converse the whole time anymore!

I just wondered if this was something they're teaching in management school these days.
For the reason in the bold part above, that's why many of them are so hungry and thirsty of socializing at work. And some of them are judging others who want to be with their family and friends out of work.

Mostly introverts just want to mind their own business; but extraverts always want to buzz into everyone's business. They judge others so much. They say the introverts are weird. They think they are better than the introverts. And they think the introverts should be like them. They don't see their faults and being annoying most of the times. That's not right. That's stupid.

For me, I'm so glad I've been working in this company for so long, and I'm very good at what I do, so I can or don't join all the social events as I want. Nobody can say anything in my face. If they say anything behind my back, I don't care at all. All I care is to do my job well when I'm at work and go home after the working hours and enjoy my life out of work. I'm nice and professional. There's no way the management could fire me for not joining social events at work. No smart leader/manager would do that.

And I don't believe the extroverted people are typically the ones who get ahead in Corporate America. For some, but not in general.

In the world, there are many big founders and leaders are introverts.

At my company, the people in the top management are introverts. One of my top leaders told me that he and I have something in common that we are introverts. He hates to go to parties. But he just has to go because he is the leader.

The middle management is a mix. So is the same in the non-management (ordinary employees).

I've observed and noticed that the extreme extroverts and butterflies can make the workplace colorful, but they don't get promotion faster than the ones on the opposite. Good and sharp top boss/leader knows how to pick the right ones.

One of the posters here mentioned that her mother worked at a company for 40 years did not care about the "extra" stuff... that probably is because she had joined too many social events before already, and now she's tired of that. Nobody can be the same forever. She had her shares. People have to understand that. And that mother might be in the Union, so she paid the union dues, and had the Union to bargain for the raise every year or two. And she was happy with her job and did not care for promotion to be in the management, that was good for her. Many people just care about having a stable job, reasonably good pay and good work/life balance. Not everyone cares so much about climbing up the ladder in the company and making a lot of money. There's nothing wrong with being happy with what you have and not to care about what other people have.

If I were a boss, a leader, I don't care if employees joining parties or not. As long as they are good workers, they do their work well, I'm happy with that. They work hard, and they deserve to enjoy their personal life.

For OP, you have only one more year, do whatever you like. Don't care about what other people think. As long as you do your job well and be professional, you are good. People can think and judge whatever they like. You cannot have control over them. You can only control yourself. Be yourself and live for yourself. You don't have to try so hard to please everyone. They will wear you out. One more year will go by very fast. Don't worry, be happy. Haha.
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Old 07-17-2018, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,685 posts, read 41,572,871 times
Reputation: 41302
Everyone using the fact OP is retiring to buy into this BS socialization, I’d argue since OP is gone in a year, he shouldn’t waste time trying to be social now. The coworkers will be nothing but a fart in the wind when he retires, no use in going along to get along at this point since he is out soon anyway.
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Old 07-17-2018, 08:38 AM
 
21,633 posts, read 12,679,017 times
Reputation: 36463
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plain Yogurt View Post
And what if he doesn't know very well or can even barely tolerate this coworker? That's the problem with forced socialization, it's phony as hell.
Actually, I had/have a great relationship with this departing employee. I knew she'd been trying to find another job and leave and, as I said, I'd already said my goodbyes and felt no need to join in a communal meal just for show, to safeguard my employment record, or to impress my boss in order to wish her well.


You hit the nail on the head: it's not the "socialization" that's offensive; it's the "mandatory."
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Old 07-17-2018, 08:40 AM
 
21,633 posts, read 12,679,017 times
Reputation: 36463
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Everyone using the fact OP is retiring to buy into this BS socialization, I’d argue since OP is gone in a year, he shouldn’t waste time trying to be social now. The coworkers will be nothing but a fart in the wind when he retires, no use in going along to get along at this point since he is out soon anyway.
On the other hand, is right before you retire the time to get on the bad side of management? What if you need to that one year to qualify, and they decide to "downsize" those they don't consider "team players"?
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Old 07-17-2018, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Boonies of N. Alabama
3,881 posts, read 4,091,818 times
Reputation: 8156
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
I plan to work part-time in retirement -- both for the income and because I enjoy working -- so I would like to leave with a decent reference for my over twenty years of devoted service, only 1 1/2 of which it was no longer okay to be introverted and during which I was expected, apparently, to be a social butterfly at work (for those suggesting I simply thumb my nose at the new boss).

Just so you know.. any potential future employers aren't allowed to get any information from previous employers other than dates of employment. It's a different world these days.

My daughter is HR Mgmt and gets so frustrated. She's had employees fired because they were thieves (stole drugs from a pharm mfg plant), arrested and wasn't able to tell the next prospective employer that called to verify employment when the thief went to a new job. She could lose her job if she did.
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Old 07-17-2018, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Washington state
6,972 posts, read 4,827,158 times
Reputation: 21747
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post



You're comparing apples to oranges, no one is asking the OP to go to after work events. That is totally different.

The OP is a big pill, they were asked to attend a going away lunch for a coworker and didn't go, that's being ridiculous.

Your scenario is totally different, and totally understandable, the OP's isn't. In fact in this day and age could be viewed as very odd, and with all the workplace violence we see(not saying the OP is that way) might be viewed as really odd and worrisome...just a thought.

You put on your big boy/girl pants and suck it up for an hour or two.
Forced socialization is forced socialization, no matter how it's done. I went to work to work, not to make friends with my boss and all the coworkers. My boss wanted us to be one big happy family. Problem was, I already had a family and they were more than enough. I sure didn't want another one.

But I do understand the OP's dilemma. I was asked to give for a baby shower to be held for one of the employees who was pregnant. Unfortunately, we had multiple pregnant employees and at the time, I was pretty much broke because I was the only woman there without a husband supporting me. My decision was all or none, so I gave to none and didn't go to any of the baby showers. And yes, I was considered anti-social and odd and all the rest. My reason for that was because I didn't want to go into debt for my coworkers. But I may as well have told them I didn't like going to baby showers. It came to the same thing in the end.
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Old 07-17-2018, 11:03 AM
 
21,633 posts, read 12,679,017 times
Reputation: 36463
Quote:
Originally Posted by TamaraSavannah View Post
Two more things.


If it is during work time, well then, you are on their time. If they want you to go, on their time, I don't see what the problem is.....nor that anyone has any defense to that.


Secondly, I do make an effort to go to some of these affairs. Why?



When I retire after 30-35 years, I don't want to be at my party and people saying, "Who are you?".
I don't want a party when I leave. If they throw one, I won't go!
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Old 07-17-2018, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,685 posts, read 41,572,871 times
Reputation: 41302
Quote:
Originally Posted by rodentraiser View Post
Forced socialization is forced socialization, no matter how it's done. I went to work to work, not to make friends with my boss and all the coworkers. My boss wanted us to be one big happy family. Problem was, I already had a family and they were more than enough. I sure didn't want another one.

But I do understand the OP's dilemma. I was asked to give for a baby shower to be held for one of the employees who was pregnant. Unfortunately, we had multiple pregnant employees and at the time, I was pretty much broke because I was the only woman there without a husband supporting me. My decision was all or none, so I gave to none and didn't go to any of the baby showers. And yes, I was considered anti-social and odd and all the rest. My reason for that was because I didn't want to go into debt for my coworkers. But I may as well have told them I didn't like going to baby showers. It came to the same thing in the end.
The worst is when the one the baby shower is for is the manager. I had that a couple of months ago. I hate baby showers with a passion. I was in no position to buy t a gift and please believe I still get stink eye to this day about not contributing. Never mind that these were mostly married women with significant others or living with their parents to help their bills when I’m single, paying for rent, grad school, a car note, and student loans all by my damned self.
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