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I worked overseas for about 4 years while my wife and daughter stayed in the US. Since I was in a "non-family duty station" for the first 2 years, they couldn't have joined me even if they had wanted to. It was hard on both my wife and me. Our new baby daughter didn't seem to mind ;-), except that it took her a day or two to get used to me when I came home on leave. Luckily my in-laws lived with us, and my wife's younger brother lived next door.
OP - nobody can (or should) tell you what to do since every family is different. If you do take the offer, I would still advise you to have some sort of "plan B", just in case things don't pan out.
I'd suggest a compromise. Make it a two year stint. Then re evaluate. Reason: family is an asset no income can match. Your child deserves to have a stable home foundation consistent of both parents. Invest in that.
And yes grown adults can make recommendations with the regard that you and your spouse will decide on your own.
Personally, I wouldn't do a 65% travel job with an 18-month-old. If someone is telling you 65%, you're going to have a lot of weeks where you're out the door early on a Monday and not home until Friday evening.
I live with my wife in an area of the county that we don't necessarily like, though we have excellent flexible jobs that pay well. We have a 18 month old, but no family around here to really help us out. She is in daycare 5 days a week and I really only get to see her a couple hours a day at most before she goes to bed.
We've been talking about moving out of the area, but its hard to move away from great jobs.
As luck would have it, I was offered a position with a well known company that consistently tops the "best companies to work for" list. It would be purely remote, allowing us to move closer to family, but I would have to travel 50-65%. I would be home on the weekends.
The position pays roughly 170K including bonus plus phenomenal benefits, and is a big enough increase that it would cover my wife's salary if she did not work for a while. We would be living in a low cost of living area. This would be about a 70K salary jump for me to compensate for the travel.
Just curious what your thoughts are. I enjoy travel, but fear I will miss seeing my wife and child while I'm gone. However, this is a lot of money and truly gives us the opportunity to make the move we've been wanting to. It would also allow my wife to have the support of family while I'm away.
Worth it?
What people nowadays often forget is: To put their children first. They usually put their career first and have their children grow up with strangers.
If your wife is okay with staying home, I would go for the "travel job."
What people nowadays often forget is: To put their children first. They usually put their career first and have their children grow up with strangers.
If your wife is okay with staying home, I would go for the "travel job."
Just make sure one of you is there to watch them. Don't let "children first!" consume you. I wouldn't turn down a promotion and double the salary just so my kids could stay at the same school. Of course, such moves wouldn't occur every other year. But it is reasonable to expect that it could happen once or twice in their 12 years of school prior to becoming an adult.
Just make sure one of you is there to watch them. Don't let "children first!" consume you. I wouldn't turn down a promotion and double the salary just so my kids could stay at the same school. Of course, such moves wouldn't occur every other year. But it is reasonable to expect that it could happen once or twice in their 12 years of school prior to becoming an adult.
Agreed. At 18 months little one is not going to remember much anyway. She will know her Dad still since he will be home every week. It’s not like he’s gone on a military tour. Those are way harder and I know because I went through that during Iraq.
This is a great time to travel like this. Plus, the money that could be put away for the college fund alone is putting the child first. OP is also considering his wife’s feeling in this and they are moving to be near her family. He could have been selfish in that regard, but he wasn’t.
I can understand where some women get resentful or feel neglected because they’re at home while hubby is “jetsetting”. Believe me, he’s not. You work long hours, manage teams all day, focus on keeping clients happy, and still have give reports and status updates to management. That’s the abbreviated version. He’s going to work for every bit of that 170K and he’s doing it for the greater, long-term good of his family.
I was a single mom when my son was 18 months old. I worked, took care of my son and struggled every single day financially. I would have been thankful to have been (happily) married to someone who was making that kind of money and who was okay with me staying home with my son. I guess that makes me not understand those who think it might be hard on the spouse. Yes, it can be hard. It's a lot harder when you have no choice (unless you want to be stuck in an unhappy marriage and still not have a lot of money).
I traveled for nearly 40 years and thoroughly enjoyed it. Worked for varying periods, from a day to a few weeks, in nearly 40 states. Some of the others that worked with me felt as I did, and those that didn't, left. Depends on you and your wife.
To be fair, for many of those years air travel was farily pleasant. First class was reasonable. My time, after completing the job, was my own, to return home or take a day or so sight seeing. Try manipulating your airline ticket like that today!
Still, all three of our children travel extensively in their work, or did, and enjoy it as Dad did. They can't miss what they never had, flying-wise.
Agreed. At 18 months little one is not going to remember much anyway. She will know her Dad still since he will be home every week. It’s not like he’s gone on a military tour. Those are way harder and I know because I went through that during Iraq.
This is a great time to travel like this. Plus, the money that could be put away for the college fund alone is putting the child first. OP is also considering his wife’s feeling in this and they are moving to be near her family. He could have been selfish in that regard, but he wasn’t.
I can understand where some women get resentful or feel neglected because they’re at home while hubby is “jetsetting”. Believe me, he’s not. You work long hours, manage teams all day, focus on keeping clients happy, and still have give reports and status updates to management. That’s the abbreviated version. He’s going to work for every bit of that 170K and he’s doing it for the greater, long-term good of his family.
EXACTLY! My DH works between 12-16 hours a day when he’s traveling. It’s not all sight seeing and hanging out with co-workers!
I also want to add to my previous post, my husband has been traveling for work for 18 years and sometimes it’s hard when he’s gone (especially when it’s longer than a week) but other times it’s kind of nice too! I think you appreciate each other a little more when you miss each other a bit!
Just to add...I sometimes take my wife and kid when I travel. It's not home and they are alone for a good portion of the day but stay at nice resorts with plenty to do and can go places during the day (Disney and other FL theme parks, Grand Canyon, Washington DC, etc.). Sometimes, my coworkers bring their kids and spouses so they hang at the pool or whatever while we're working and then get back together in the evening. They can't come often because my kid is in school and wife works but when they do go, they have a good time and we see each other in the evening. Sometimes I do have events and dinners in the evenings but not always and even then, we see each other in the morning and get to sleep in the same room and all that so are still together. It's kind of an adventure.
Since your wife won't be working yet and your kid isn't in school yet, they can come along on some trips and you can spend evenings together - yes, it will be an added expense to fly them out but worth it IMO. Not ideal but is a good compromise and can be fun. That, in combination with her being around family and all that I think make it workable. But yes, she needs to be on board and supportive. I travel (not as much as 50%) and my wife is supportive of me so that's good. It did take her a little to adjust but once she got her routine down, it's OK. And I make sure to come back with gifts and take of stuff around the house while I am home and set stuff up before I leave as best I can. And we don't have family around and my wife works, but her hrs are flexible.
This is a good idea. Bring them with you occasionally! Wife can get out of the house and experience some of the travel that you're experiencing, too. Kid can grow up seeing and experiencing new and exciting things. You'll get to spend more time with your family. Everyone wins.
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