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I'm currently finding myself in a situation that is uncharted territory for me. There is a lot of workplace banter, and gossip at my place of work, which includes backstabbing as well. When I figured it all out, I decided to keep things 98% work-related and professional, as well as withdrew to protect myself. Or so I thought. It has been brought to my attention now that I am being viewed as cold, bully-ish, unapproachable, and who knows what else has been floated. Those things are beginning to creep into people's documentations, and just recently, I have been accused of having violated a policy, when in fact I have not. My clarification went unheard.
I must admit that I am more than puzzled. Granted,I have withdrawn, but when does that equate to becoming a jerk? People have made it quite clear that they want nothing to do with me, most likely due to some gabbing of a coworker. They turn heads when I greet them, turn away when I try to engage, and exclude me from events. It has not always been this way, however.
The advice given to me was to sit with them during social hour and "put myself out there", sharing my personal life. Ugh! That is exactly what I am trying to prevent, knowing of all the gossip, including details of coworkers' sex lives I am different from them, not better or worse, just different: from another country, the only single, and with a totally different lifestyle (clean!!).
They don't want me around, I can cope with that, but at the same time, I am put under a magnifying glass, being measured with the yardstick of their double standards. Is leaving me be not enough? I do my job, and do it well, but I keep picking up efforts of being undermined.
Has anyone been there, and how did you manage the situation without compromising your integrity and ethics?
If the culture is that you're supposed to behave like best buddies because you work in the same space, then participate in all the face time and learn to say nothing about yourself while chattering constantly. That's not a frivolous suggestion - be pleasant and feed in things of zero consequence like what the grocery checker said to you and how your neighbor makes a mess of putting his trash out.
Learn to deflect or steer away from truly personal topics like family, others, finances, hobbies you don't care to discuss, etc.
I loathe that culture, FWIW. I'd put up with being known as a bit of a jerk as long as it didn't affect my work and employment.
Based on the OP's brief history here, it seems like a continual run of bad luck. Previously resigned from a job last year after only a few months due to issues of work hours. Now this.
As mentioned above, time to start looking again.
We really don't know the complete details here. All OP says is he withdrew from everyone at work. What does that mean?
One can choose not to engage in petty gossip and office drama, but still be a friendly and engaging person. The two ain't mutually exclusive.
The only reason I can think of why the OP's coworkers have reacted the way they did, is if the OP made it a point to show everyone he doesn't want to interact with them (perhaps in a passive aggressive manner). Almost like a chip on the shoulder.
I don't believe in being best friends with work mates, and I don't like to engage in petty gossip and drama at work either, but I still enjoy working with everyone and am pleasant, professional, and friendly.
Don't block your blessings. I don't care who doesn't like me in the workplace. I'm not there to make friends. They can dislike me all they want as long as it doesn't affect my check. As soon as it does, we have a problem.
How I dealt with such a situation was begin a job search immediately. I don't suffer fools very well.
When did staying away from gossip become an offense?
Since we became a pathetic, shallow society with no morals/ethics. Where praising unscrupulous celebrities and BS reality shows became the national virtues. . This coincided with the death of instilled religion in society etc. A "win at all costs" mentality has prevailed. Everything is relative. Theres no right and wrong.
Probably 15-20 years ago. If being crappy a human being was reprimanded, you would have less crappy human beings around. Unfortunately , being a crappy human being is often rewarded these days. Its a big reason I have removed myself socially from society and have learned to adapt to more isolated activities that keeps my mind occupied and keeps me happy.
Im not interested in treating people like crap, stabbing others in the back in a daily game of brinkmanship, or walking over people and taking advantage of them just to get what I want and "win at all costs".
If you don't like the way society has become and it clashes against your morals/values, really all you can do is remove yourself from it. It won't change unfortunately. Enjoy your own company and remove yourself from the crappy people of society and become a loner and keep away from the negative world around you. Its what I did. Over time, you being to realize you don't NEED anyone else and their negative influence. . All you need is you. You control your destiny, you control your happiness, your actions and reactions etc. You become more self aware and enlightened. And you eliminate all the crap around you who's only existence is to just bring you down.
As far staying away from the gossip. Today's society hates Nerds. They hate people that show up to work every day, don't "play the game" and produce RESULTS. Without playing the politics, building cliques, and playing child games. Most people that play the political game, do so because of survival. They don't have the skills/value to PRODUCE. So they have to play the scumbag child-like games to keep their jobs. When they should have been terminated years ago. Which just goes back to point #1
Thank you for your feedback! Here's a little more info. I prefer to not leave this job, and try to make this situation a personal growth opportunity, if that is at all possible.
I'd like to add that I have partaken in conversation, showed interest in said folks, but it seems like all the positives I have undertaken appear to just stay in the moment, whereas the perceived negatives carry forward big time. I inquired about a sick parent, listened to marital woes, hugged folks when the situation arose, etc. One of the factors that contribute to this type of cliquish behavior is that folks, including their manager are pals on social media. Needless to say that should a complaint arise, the odds are stacked in their favor. I'm contemplating taking the key players aside to have an emotionally mature conversation, and if that helps some.But I would also like to get my name cleared on the policy violation that in effect did not occur, and is a result of the lack of educating themselves properly.
The thing is, regardless of what people here may tell you, you cannot change people's perception of you by being someone you think they want you to be. At best it's disingenuous; at worst it gets you nowhere, with the added bonus of compromising who you are. Do you really want to become an actor to appease other people? If you are okay with that, by all means, try to stick it out in that environment. IMO, it's a lot of wasted energy better spent finding a company that will accept you for who you are. Some people are married to the perceptions in their head, however wrong, and I believe you should let them. Find a place that will appreciate you.
I worked in the environment you described. A so-called "neutral" party started working there, had positive interactions with me, yet drew a line in the sand when they thought their career could be negatively impacted by interacting with me. They chose the side full of lies and mistruths because they thought it would benefit them, when the whole time the liars were being untruthful with them and were the real ones putting their career in jeopardy. But when you're playing office politics, the truth doesn't matter.
You are in a lose-lose situation. Those people are not going to accept you anymore. You can forget about any type of managerial position since they won't take orders from you and will undermine you.
You are somewhat wasting your talents and time at this job. You should brush up the resume and activate the Indeed, LinkedIn, etc job alerts.
At your next job, create a job persona and run with that.
This is what i do. I had a similar experience to yours. I was the quiet, reserved guy who got his job done and was very efficient. (Behind my back they would call me a serial killer, wacko, etc) I left that job and created the job persona.
If the culture is that you're supposed to behave like best buddies because you work in the same space, then participate in all the face time and learn to say nothing about yourself while chattering constantly. That's not a frivolous suggestion - be pleasant and feed in things of zero consequence like what the grocery checker said to you and how your neighbor makes a mess of putting his trash out.
Learn to deflect or steer away from truly personal topics like family, others, finances, hobbies you don't care to discuss, etc.
I loathe that culture, FWIW. I'd put up with being known as a bit of a jerk as long as it didn't affect my work and employment.
Yep, this is what politicians, executives, fed chairman all do. Unfortunately you dont have a cabinet to help develop strategy as your work place sounds like a giant game of chess and if you move no pieces you will be over ran. Of course if I am going to be forced into a real life chess game that decides my career I better be extraordinarily compensated for it, I mean we are talking 150-200k otherwise I would just find a new job.
This is the new corporate entitlement, they think they can expect people to put up with extraordinary poor behavior for peanuts ... because well ... people are. Break the mold
Watch the show designated survivor, it sounds like thats the situation you are in, except you dont have the money power and prestige of being the president of the united states. So your situation is a joke.
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I am different from them, not better or worse, just different: from another country, the only single, and with a totally different lifestyle (clean!!). 
