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Old 04-03-2019, 10:34 AM
 
1,226 posts, read 524,088 times
Reputation: 2237

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First you called him ugly , so it sounds like a case where you can give it out , but you can't take it.
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Old 04-03-2019, 10:46 AM
 
428 posts, read 232,918 times
Reputation: 2150
When you get back into work I'd just say, "Look, I may have overreacted but I just felt you took things a little too far".

Quote:
he asked what her first name is, her name is a common name from the country she's from originally, after saying that to him he goes, "oh in that case I DEFINITELY would've matched with her!". Implying that girls from that country are easy, which to me is an incredibly racist generalisation.
As far as this comment, it could be that he is just particularly attracted to girls from that country and probably wasn't even thinking she must be easy. To be honest with you, that is what Tinder makes me think -- not where someone is from.
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Old 04-03-2019, 10:48 AM
 
1,703 posts, read 557,435 times
Reputation: 3605
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonaldJTrump View Post
First you called him ugly , so it sounds like a case where you can give it out , but you can't take it.
This.

Ragging on each other as friends (which is what was happening, regardless of you being co-workers) yes, you overreacted.
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Old 04-03-2019, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Proxima Centauri
4,825 posts, read 1,991,670 times
Reputation: 5269
Quote:
Originally Posted by americana89 View Post
I work for a very large IT company, I'm in a team of about 15 people that come from varying demographics. but predominantly male. There's about 4 of us who are in our late 20's who naturally get along due to common interests and there's a lot of joking and sh*t talking back and forth which is fine, we tend to push the boundaries with what we say but it's always good natured and never gets too personal (well at least I thought so). There's one guy in my team who is your typical bodybuilder jock douchebag, he fancies himself as a ladies man and always talking about his conquests, he's arrogant but I tolerate him, until today when he made some comments about my girlfriend.

What happened was that we were talking about our plans for the weekend, I said I was going to the movies with my girlfriend. The bodybuilder (let's call him Rob), asks me how we met. I told him we met through Tinder. His first comment, "I'm on Tinder, I would've matched with her for sure" I let it go somewhat and just playfully responded quietly with, "she wouldn't like you , you're ugly", he asked what her first name is, her name is a common name from the country she's from originally, after saying that to him he goes, "oh in that case I DEFINITELY would've matched with her!". Implying that girls from that country are easy, which to me is an incredibly racist generalisation.

By this point I'm pissed off and in a state of shock somewhat that I'm hearing this BS from colleagues, especially in front of my entire team. Another guy in my team, John who was sitting next to me misheard what I said and thought I called my own girlfriend ugly. I told him pretty firmly that's not what I said and not to talk about my girlfriend, he was quick to apologise. Rob on the other hand keeps pushing it and says "I'll find her on Instagram let's have a look", I responded with , "that's my partner you're talking about, keep going and I'm going to get pissed off". The encounter ended with that, there was some nervous/awkward laughter from the rest of my team that heard the whole thing, the vibe was very confrontational which obviously isn't common in our workplace, I'm usually pretty upbeat and jovial, I just packed my stuff and left without saying anything to anyone.

This was 3 hours ago, I'm still furious but unsure if I could've handled it better or if I should've just said nothing and shrugged it off. On one hand I'm still fairly new in this team and hate to rock the boat, on the other hand those comments are crossing the line, workplace or not you don't talk about someone's partner like they're some potential conquest. My heads all over the place, but I have to face this tomorrow when I go into work. Any opinions or advice on my behaviour and how to approach things moving forward is appreciated.

Avoid Rob. If you one day become his manager give him the crap assignments.
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:05 AM
 
Location: God's Country
5,188 posts, read 3,510,709 times
Reputation: 8689
Very large IT co.?


Sounds more like teenagers working at McDonald's.
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:09 AM
 
337 posts, read 145,156 times
Reputation: 375
Stay professional at work to avoid these immature conversations.
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:28 AM
 
5,253 posts, read 5,179,252 times
Reputation: 6257
I mean, you told him you met on Tinder (not necessary) and then you told him he was ugly. So you "attacked" him personally and then you got mad when he "attacked" back?

Don't dish what you can't take. Don't engage with your coworker anymore.
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Old 04-03-2019, 11:36 AM
 
Location: plano
6,574 posts, read 8,110,360 times
Reputation: 5812
I'm today's world the cultural and style differences between age cohorts and social groups are massive. Avoid socializing or letting your private life become a workplace topic. Zero upside and you experienced the downside.
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Old 04-03-2019, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Central Mass
1,979 posts, read 2,471,346 times
Reputation: 1962
Quote:
Originally Posted by n.cal View Post
your first mistake was telling everyone you met on tinder.
lol

+1
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Old 04-03-2019, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Kansas City North
4,052 posts, read 7,331,319 times
Reputation: 5921
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShanIAmVA View Post

As far as this comment, it could be that he is just particularly attracted to girls from that country and probably wasn't even thinking she must be easy. To be honest with you, that is what Tinder makes me think -- not where someone is from.
Thatís exactly how I interpreted it. In a roundabout way, it could be taken as a compliment.
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