U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 04-05-2019, 09:06 AM
 
Location: near LA, Calif
172 posts, read 130,961 times
Reputation: 42

Advertisements

I'm a software engineer. have had this issue for a long time but didnt know what to do about it. In meetings or group discussions where we talk about the requirements/features to be built in the software, my mind usually draws a blank or takes much longer than others to conceptualize the idea, while others are already moving onto topics C I'm still stuck at A.

So I'm usually very silent during group discussions, this makes me look dumb or uninterested but I'm just as good as others while doing my work in front of a computer.

Is there a fix for this? would a career coach help? toastmaster, etc?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-05-2019, 09:19 AM
 
780 posts, read 204,578 times
Reputation: 1134
Maybe you're thinking too hard on coming up with a perfect solution, and you get tangled up in your own thoughts while everyone else is loose and winging it.

Not sure about a career coach in this situation, but maybe toast masters would be good for you. Extemporaneously expressing your thoughts is your objective, and finding an activity that would allow you to cultivate that skill is what you want.

In the meantime, maybe practice relaxing and loosening up in meetings. I could be wrong, but my impression is that you're trying too hard. Try opening up the meeting with some small talk to break the ice. Get comfortable with the group. Then maybe you won't mind so much speaking up and sharing an idea that you may not think is perfectly thought out to a 'T'.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2019, 09:29 AM
 
Location: near LA, Calif
172 posts, read 130,961 times
Reputation: 42
yes, you're right. I'm very tense in meetings, I get tense before the meeting even get started. while others are talking freely and pulling pies from the sky, I tend to make sure everything I say is valid and correct. what kind of activity would cultivate that kind of skill?

Needless to say, I'm an introvert.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2019, 09:44 AM
 
780 posts, read 204,578 times
Reputation: 1134
Quote:
Originally Posted by blue_water View Post
yes, you're right. I'm very tense in meetings, I get tense before the meeting even get started. while others are talking freely and pulling pies from the sky, I tend to make sure everything I say is valid and correct. what kind of activity would cultivate that kind of skill?

Needless to say, I'm an introvert.
I was severely introverted years ago, and I hated the idea of speaking up in meetings. Truth be told, I didn't actively pursue self-improvement techniques. But I was aware of it, and I practiced little things here and there on my own.

Try this on for size. Outside of your meetings, practice chit-chatting and small talk with your team. Introverted or not, you still have a personality, right? Are you funny? Quirky? Try it out on them outside of meetings. I think this will help you become more comfortable with them once you are in meetings. Maybe this will help loosen you up a bit, and you'll feel more comfortable sharing your imperfect, not intensively thought out ideas.

Remember that nobody else is thinking as intensely about you as you are. Everyone else is in their own heads.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2019, 03:59 PM
 
1,701 posts, read 557,435 times
Reputation: 3605
It's a skill, like anything else.

I'm going to echo what the poster above me said. Practice. I'm extremely introverted. Just practice talking. Eat lunch with people, talk about their days. Volunteer to speak up in meetings, push yourself. There's not a magic bullet to get better, it just takes practice.

Practice, and find a few mentor figures at work. Find people 5-10 years more experienced than yourself who you can ask for fairly honest feedback from, then don't take it personally if they give you advice that stings a little to hear. Basically, have a thick skin, practice talking more, and expect it to take some time to improve, like anything else.

And also remember that introverted and not talking are not the same thing. Some of the more talkative people you see in those meetings are introverts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2019, 06:33 PM
 
2,451 posts, read 697,327 times
Reputation: 3428
I write down ideas on my notebook and bring it to the meeting. Then when they ask me, I know what to say.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-06-2019, 11:45 AM
 
Location: near LA, Calif
172 posts, read 130,961 times
Reputation: 42
any good links/books/youtube that give good guidance?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-06-2019, 05:47 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,157 posts, read 2,942,978 times
Reputation: 24234
Quote:
Originally Posted by blue_water View Post
any good links/books/youtube that give good guidance?
Well, there probably are, but they won't really help without practicing on real office beings. You'd sort of be reinforcing the same issues. People think and communicate their thoughts differently. Some are off-the-cuff brainstormers who blurt out half-formed ideas without worrying about the exact details. Others are more methodical and detail oriented, not spontaneous. Neither one is right or better, neither one is wrong or worse. The task probably needs some of both.

Ask the person who calls the meetings for a more detailed agenda in advance. Use it to corral your thoughts and jot down ideas and bring them along. You won't feel so caught off guard.

You might find a co-conspirator (someone you are comfortable with around the office or who you work with on these sorts of topics) and do some rehearsing/practice sessions with them. It is often easier to start off with an audience of one or two and work up to a true "meeting".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-13-2019, 03:47 PM
 
1,092 posts, read 1,274,543 times
Reputation: 737
Just ask questions. Questions are rarely regarded as stupid despite popular opinion.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top