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Old 04-08-2019, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,184 posts, read 10,359,091 times
Reputation: 33215

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Quote:
Originally Posted by piperdiva View Post
I wonder what the comments would be on this thread if the co-worker criticized her race/ethnicity. Why does fat shaming get a free pass?
It's not a protected class and can be under your control in most situations.
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Old 04-08-2019, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
26,524 posts, read 62,960,474 times
Reputation: 30564
I am not sure why we get so hung up on comments about weight. If other things change about your physical appearance and people comment, no one gets all that upset. "Oh you cut your hair. I liked it better long." - not going to get reported. "Ha, your fake tan makes you look orange." 'Go home and change, you look like a hooker." 'Those red contact lenses make you look like a demon." 'where did your eyebrow(s) go?" "Wow I never realized how short you were until you stopped wearing heels." All of those things are acceptable although some may be offensive to some people. However tell someone they gained a lot of weight this month and they go bonkers. Worse yes, ask them if they are pregnant when they aren't. (I have never done that,but I have seen it happen).

I have a Sister in law who is form Korea. I am not sure if it is a cultural thing or she is just mean, but if anyone of us gain weight, she will say "you are getting really fat" in some context or another.

I think age may be one of those taboo issues as well. If you tell someone they have aged ten years in the past eighteen months, they are not going to like it well, even if it is true. u that are not going to "report" you.

I do not understand the point of all this "reporting" What is it you want them to do if you report her? talk to her about it? Why don't you just talk to her about it? Are you an adult? If you are still a child, then it may be prudent to go to someone in authority and ask them to tell her it made you feel bad. Otherwise, that is how we adults deal with each other. If someone says or does something that bothers you, you tell them. If you tell her "Hey it really hurts my feelings when you comment on my big butt, could you please not mention it ever again." It is extremely likely that she will comply possibly apologize and you can continue to work together in harmony. If you run to the authorities and "tell on her" and she gets reprimanded, she will likely hate you forever and tell your co-workers to avoid you and not talk to you because you are a tattle tale and cannot deal with your issues one to one.

Yes, it can be hard to talk to someone about something that is bothering you. Adulting is hard.
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Old 04-08-2019, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Chicago
861 posts, read 1,370,914 times
Reputation: 1902
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
I am not sure why we get so hung up on comments about weight. If other things change about your physical appearance and people comment, no one gets all that upset. "Oh you cut your hair. I liked it better long." - not going to get reported. "Ha, your fake tan makes you look orange." 'Go home and change, you look like a hooker." 'Those red contact lenses make you look like a demon." 'where did your eyebrow(s) go?" "Wow I never realized how short you were until you stopped wearing heels." All of those things are acceptable although some may be offensive to some people. However tell someone they gained a lot of weight this month and they go bonkers. Worse yes, ask them if they are pregnant when they aren't. (I have never done that,but I have seen it happen).

I have a Sister in law who is form Korea. I am not sure if it is a cultural thing or she is just mean, but if anyone of us gain weight, she will say "you are getting really fat" in some context or another.

I think age may be one of those taboo issues as well. If you tell someone they have aged ten years in the past eighteen months, they are not going to like it well, even if it is true. u that are not going to "report" you.

I do not understand the point of all this "reporting" What is it you want them to do if you report her? talk to her about it? Why don't you just talk to her about it? Are you an adult? If you are still a child, then it may be prudent to go to someone in authority and ask them to tell her it made you feel bad. Otherwise, that is how we adults deal with each other. If someone says or does something that bothers you, you tell them. If you tell her "Hey it really hurts my feelings when you comment on my big butt, could you please not mention it ever again." It is extremely likely that she will comply possibly apologize and you can continue to work together in harmony. If you run to the authorities and "tell on her" and she gets reprimanded, she will likely hate you forever and tell your co-workers to avoid you and not talk to you because you are a tattle tale and cannot deal with your issues one to one.

Yes, it can be hard to talk to someone about something that is bothering you. Adulting is hard.
Eh, I think those comments are pretty rude too. Why comment on anyone's appearance at all if you're going to be negative? If you don't like the way someone looks, it's best just to keep your mouth shut.
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Old 04-08-2019, 10:19 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,275 posts, read 509,005 times
Reputation: 1143
Quote:
Originally Posted by piperdiva View Post
I wonder what the comments would be on this thread if the co-worker criticized her race/ethnicity. Why does fat shaming get a free pass?
It doesn’t get a ‘free pass’ - I think the majority of people agree it’s rude.
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Old 04-08-2019, 10:21 AM
 
11,132 posts, read 8,540,714 times
Reputation: 28094
Yes, the comment was rude. People can be rude. This is not the type of problem an enployee takes to management after one incident.

Talk to the person, tell them to quit it. Only if it continues to the level of real harassment, should management need to get involved.
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Old 04-08-2019, 10:26 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,677 posts, read 23,246,850 times
Reputation: 48862
Quote:
Originally Posted by davebarnes View Post
Useless without photos
Oh with photos? So you can decide if the OP is "fat" and shaming her was warranted?

It is never OK. The OP did not ask her opinion. Or yours.
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Old 04-08-2019, 10:29 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,677 posts, read 23,246,850 times
Reputation: 48862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Geek View Post
Ignore it and move on. Choose to not be offended.
She was hurt. Not offended. One can not "choose not to be hurt".
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Old 04-08-2019, 10:36 AM
 
1,416 posts, read 547,574 times
Reputation: 2594
5'3 & 136 is not even fat. She's probably jealous of your booty or something. I would just ignore her.
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Old 04-08-2019, 11:20 AM
 
544 posts, read 526,581 times
Reputation: 581
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1ondoner View Post
Some people can't handle the truth.

The truth I'm already aware of ? . And how is it even relevant to point out in the workplace? If I want your opinion, I'd ask for it
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Old 04-08-2019, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Barrington
45,839 posts, read 34,049,024 times
Reputation: 15313
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissmamaAnnie View Post
One of my co workers said I'm getting fat and she was like look at your behind..referring to my butt since I'm pear shaped and bottom heavy. I'm 5'3 and about 136 lbs. Used to be lighter but gained few pounds

Ofcourse I was offended by it. when she asked me for something I said no, you called me fat. Then she was like oh you look good. The extra pounds suits you. You're not fat.I will let it go for now but she makes those remarks again I will report her

Would they overlook this ? Comments like this are hurtful and my clothes already tells me I'm gaining weight and don't need her to point it out. Should I report her?


You decided to not cooperate with a coworker because she made an observation about something in your control. Why do you care?

Being offended is a choice.
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