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Old 04-08-2019, 12:01 PM
 
544 posts, read 526,292 times
Reputation: 581

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Quote:
Originally Posted by middle-aged mom View Post
You decided to not cooperate with a coworker because she made an observation about something in your control. Why do you care?

Being offended is a choice.
Good question is why does she care even if I'm size of house? What does it have anything to do with my work interactions with her? Just because you see it doesn't make it your business. And how do you know it's within my control? What if I was on medications that causing me to gain weight? what if I can't exercise due to injury? How would you know that? Yes sure, I would want a co worker who knows nothing about my life to remind me as if I won't notice my clothes fitting in tighter and the numbers on the scale increase
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Old 04-08-2019, 12:17 PM
 
70 posts, read 21,059 times
Reputation: 239
OP. The bottom line is her comment was rude and uncalled for. You need to tell her that in no uncertain terms. Otherwise, she might jerk you around with similar comments.
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Old 04-08-2019, 12:56 PM
 
Location: Barrington
45,822 posts, read 34,041,047 times
Reputation: 15308
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissmamaAnnie View Post
Good question is why does she care even if I'm size of house? What does it have anything to do with my work interactions with her? Just because you see it doesn't make it your business. And how do you know it's within my control? What if I was on medications that causing me to gain weight? what if I can't exercise due to injury? How would you know that? Yes sure, I would want a co worker who knows nothing about my life to remind me as if I won't notice my clothes fitting in tighter and the numbers on the scale increase
No clue why either one of you care.

I do not understand people who are compelled to tell people what they already know, just as I don't understand people being offended when they do.

Taking offense is a choice.
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Old 04-08-2019, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Tucson Arizona
3,890 posts, read 1,651,610 times
Reputation: 10204
If it happens again, quietly say, "You are rude and unkind. Please mind your own business."

Clear, professional, adult communication. Repeat as needed.
Do NOT bad mouth her to your coworkers or bosses.
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Old 04-08-2019, 02:17 PM
 
Location: DFW
555 posts, read 155,984 times
Reputation: 878
Question to the OP:

you said you guys were not/are not close friends outside of work, merely co-workers, I'm guessing. What were your feelings toward her already? Did it make you more upset because of some pre-conceived feelings or ideas about the person from whom the words came?

How would it have been different, if at all, if you worked with a close friend, or some other person for whom you carried admiration or affection, and that person uttered the same words?

I just get the impression it may have been the person who said it, that person's delivery of the message, and preconceived feelings that is the main part of the problem

I have been on the OTHER (your co-worker's) side. I got reported (and written up!!!) because someone who I liked and considered a "work friend" was upset when I called her "Miss Thang"- ya know, the old 1980's/90's way of referring to someone. I call friends, kids, family that too, and to me is a term of endearment more than anything. I was so hurt that she would report this as offensive. I found another job. Looking back, it HAD to be because she just always distrusted me, or felt threatened, or....whatever
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Old 04-08-2019, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Maine
193 posts, read 225,622 times
Reputation: 479
Just a quick note here, but, some work places do have a policy against any actions that may create a hostile work environment. I've worked at such a facility and have known people to be given verbal reprimands for far less than pointing out someone may have gained weight.
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Old 04-08-2019, 02:36 PM
 
6,203 posts, read 2,862,660 times
Reputation: 15711
I often internally play the Winston Churchill remark when he was broached by a lady.
Winston you are drunk!
His reply: why yes I am! And your ugly!.
But in the morning..I'll be sober...and you'll still be ugly.

Point being...some things said are just ugly.

I rarely shoot the messenger unless they are being petulant and churlish. Otherwise when a complete stranger mentioned that I could lose a few pounds...I said..yes I could. And then did something about it. The delivery (tone) can be re processed . The stranger wasn't shaming my being...I figured the intent was a tip or suggestion one is free to ponder.
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Old 04-08-2019, 03:27 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,119 posts, read 2,921,213 times
Reputation: 24107
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtnbiker65 View Post
Just a quick note here, but, some work places do have a policy against any actions that may create a hostile work environment. I've worked at such a facility and have known people to be given verbal reprimands for far less than pointing out someone may have gained weight.
Yes there are hostile workplace policies but one important key to triggering them is a pattern of behavior. One unwelcome comment is just that. If this person kept making such comments even after being asked to MYOB then it may be time to pursue it. Adults are expected to handle personal affairs individually first, then get help if that doesn't work.
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Old 04-08-2019, 03:34 PM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,483 posts, read 14,316,428 times
Reputation: 23286
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
Because OP is more professional than her coworker and knows she doesn't have to say everything on her mind in the workplace? She told the woman her comments were offensive. Telling her to work on her own ass first wouldn't have helped the situation and would've made her no better. (It probably would've done the woman good to hear it leveled right back at her, but sometimes at work you have to keep your mouth shut, even if the other person needs to hear it, because that's not the kind of behavior that belongs at work.)
Good grief, I wasn't advocating for her to make snarky comments in return. I do think that she would have done better to state her comments (minus the snark) to her co-worker and stand up for herself rather than coming to a message board to make them. I simply don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are incapable of handling something in person, but then come here to talk brave on an anonymous forum.
So basically this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
It’s absolutely rude! There’s nothing to report. If someone on my team reported something like that I would ask “how did you deal with it? “. You’re an adult and need to work out problems with them directly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissmamaAnnie View Post
The truth I'm already aware of ? . And how is it even relevant to point out in the workplace? If I want your opinion, I'd ask for it
Wow, I missed this. OP you posted on a forum, you did ask for opinions by doing so.
I feel like your anger is more about the fact that you are unhappy with yourself and your weight more than anything. Seems as though your co-worker hit a very raw nerve and you want to retaliate.

Last edited by DubbleT; 04-08-2019 at 03:45 PM..
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Old 04-08-2019, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,024 posts, read 21,736,236 times
Reputation: 22201
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissmamaAnnie View Post
Good question is why does she care even if I'm size of house? What does it have anything to do with my work interactions with her? Just because you see it doesn't make it your business. And how do you know it's within my control? What if I was on medications that causing me to gain weight? what if I can't exercise due to injury? How would you know that? Yes sure, I would want a co worker who knows nothing about my life to remind me as if I won't notice my clothes fitting in tighter and the numbers on the scale increase
Seriously the fact that you didn't do something because you didn't like what she says is just as bad. If I found out my team was pulling any of this they would get a warning. It isn't acceptable for you to not do your job because you were offended.

I had my boss be an absolute ***** to me at a sales conference, demeaned me in front of everyone. The next day I had to provide her with information for her presentation. I wonder where I would be right now if I said "nope, you were mean to me".

You are the only one that can control your actions.
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